I thought that between the two of us we'd get a post out at least once a month but apparently I thought wrong. Bah.

My sister Victoria, who now speaks chinese like a native chinese speaker (or at least that's what my mother says) and who cannot wait to get back home because the sheer chinese of China is getting to her, will be back this week, Wednesday the 2nd of August, 11ish in the evening. I am posting this because many people are asking, so I assume other people who want to know might actually read this blog.

Righto. Ment to post lots at one point, but the scrap of paper where I jotted all the things down got lost somewhere in my pile of notes. So here goes, off the top of my head:

Our form teacher gave my whole class pencil cases this year, for youth day. It's stripped green and blue, an unoffensive dark shade, thank you very much. Am very happy with it as was tired of battered old pencil case in which bits of paper kept getting lost. It's cute, to walk into class and see practically everyone using the same pencil case, even if it does get a bit disconcerting after a while.

Been reading too much Prachett. A wizard's staff has a knob on the end~!

Note to self: Shall Not miss Him while He's gone. Also Shall Not Whine.

Will write more when I remember, am off to do Econs, bleah.

My bedroom has a lighted altar (I am catholic). I live on the ground floor. So, I nearly set fire to my room while trying to exterminate a cockroach. Hrm, a bit of an overkill. It feels like something is telling my mage to return to fire spec.

It is possible for me to live without my iPod for a month. It isn't nice, but it isn't totally evil either. Thus, I have proved to myself that I am not a battery powered teenager.

Econs tuition is a miracle that should be spread to the masses, more pimping to be done at a later date.

You know, despite all your sexiness, I feel more at ease chatting with you on the phone rather than being physically beside you. Though that is nice too. Awfully nice...

No, my paragraphs do not have the flowy thing I do that makes my entries organised, I spent 4 hours in the form of my mid year lit exam doing that today. So excuse my frazzled brain. But some things ought to be put down so that I show that I am alive, and before interesting stuff gets lost in my non-blogging moods.

Ok, off to sleep. Hols, warm weather and... other stuff are wreaking havoc on internal clock.

I respect the idea of self preservation; heck I do it all the time. But at the expense of others and you dare talk back. Good thing you're around, because now I know the extent of audacity that people are capable of. People Like That Are the Only People Here, as Lorrie Moore put it (I only know this reference because it came out for the lit prat crit mock today larh, you think what).

Literary Evening preparations are going alright, but Cass is really annoyed by the whole thing, poor girl. For some reason she got stuck with multiple tasks, as usual. Oh gee, I wonder why. On the other hand, timing couldn't be more perfect, as day after is the annual sports carnival (see: picnic and/or ice cream at Stanley's) followed by Vesak day.

Playing the Lamb character from Blake's collection of Songs, that we did last year. Fortunate enough to have been able to borrow a young-ish looking white dress that Cass used to wear at 12, so have to wear one of my typical bandanas to preserve the flat cut. Make what you will of that information.

Slipped into character quite easily after getting the hang of it; is very similar to Caitlin Fay, my Ars Magica persona. We even do the same things, like give out flowers to random people. The Lamb isn't likely to have any inclination to want to screw up your mind while doing it though, which is the not so similar bit.

Did I mention the change of seating plan? My row seems to have stuff to eat all the time, mostly candy and chocolate. Never hit a sugar high though, school sucks that much out of me, it seems. Ah well, hooray for the iPod that can store stuff to watch!

Warm, yellow sunlight. Thick and honeyed, like the maple syrup Tsu once gave you during recess that you poured into your mango tea. Mmm...

Still air that you don't notice you're breathing. The teacher's voice carries well; ironic that you don't have to listen. It's Physics or some such after all. You scribble on.

Tyrone's opinion of 'dreams', life is insubstantial. Cross ref 'ghost within a ghost' img and Dowson's 'misty dream'.

The brightness throws you into that super conscious state you get when you've a fever; or drunk (sometimes you can't tell the difference). The surroundings make you fully aware of their presence. Scribble scribble.

Warm air parcels rising makes air instability, common in weather typical of Singapore.

You're starting to get fond of the shelter-pavillion thing just outside your class. You feel safe there, on the margin. Until it rains, that is.
_____

So. Cookie selling for international friendship day may not have gone so smoothly but our objectives were met. Nearly a thousand dollars raised, woot. Talking to strangers for orders wasn't all that bad. Well, except for the ones that gave not much of a reaction and just stared.

We'd left the butter cookie storage box in the corner. It's been weeks since anyone's shifted it. Interestingly, Bob found termites under the thing yesterday, after he toppled it over (as is a boy's fashion). They're rather cute, except for that mindless -insectish- sound they make when in a mass. The termites, not boys. Actually, boys too I guess. Sorry dear.

For once, I got gold for the physical fitness test. First in forever, even since primary school. I've found that running long distance (ie the 2.4) isn't all that bad, when you don't think about it. For example, don't imagine that you're running from Brill to Silverpine, that's just depressing. You monitor your breathing and pace, but that's it. The thing is just don't -think-. But that's just my opinion.

And to all those who gave a damn after my last post: thanks. It means alot. But I'm fine now, there's nothing approaching the edge of my annoying person/whatever tolerance threshold at the moment, that I've to compensate for. And I've gotten over the whole social disadvantage thing.

Thank you, thank you so much.

Actually, what's the point? I'll carry on as usual, why should I not carry weird conversations, with people you don't know, in front of you? It's not like you don't impress any of your influence on me, look at the class dynamics.

Yeah, being all irrational was fun. But I'm not going to bother putting up barriers, it's too much effort. You're not worth it anyway.

Ok, I give up. You win. I'll get out of your life, because I'm tired of trying. I'm not stupid, I can see and hear for myself.

Bimbos and people who hate my guts. Then everyone else is in a tight clique. So what's new? I've dealt with worse, only difference being I had people like Tora and Rosie in the immediate vicinity to take the edge off. Now the geographically closest people around have their own problems to deal with, plus I only see them what, twice a week?

Yeah, I'll still let you make use of me. Whatever. But I'll keep my damn mouth shut in class, I know it's the thing that annoys you most.

[edit] Yes, I know that I'm being petty. Let's just see where it goes anyway, shall we?[/edit]

Now, I have work to do.

Ok, so I mostly screwed up my common tests. Not sure how to tell parents. I actually have to start studying -properly- now, damn. I can feel the marathon, in the pace of school and the structure of work.

Urban case studies to be completed, by May. Econs graphs for all topics usable by June. Lit notes to be re-written by end of May.

You know, someone once told me you thought of your life as a sort of anime. Maybe it is, because every other week now you're telling me, or I'm hearing something that's gone wrong. I think maybe I've gone past the point of caring, because it's tiring, and because all I can do is listen. Does that make me a bad friend?

Mother's slipped disc isn't getting any better, and it's been more than 3 months.

And having an absent boyfriend gives me license to say "insert angsty teenage quote here".

Sometimes I think he's a fantasy I came up with, in those hazy moments of half dream, or half consciousness. A distant figure that speaks as a stream of words on a screen. Talk of work, mocks, parents. Though of course, he's still the same charming figure. Just strained, which is perfectly understandable.

It is selfish, but I find myself retreating, my heart placed more on anime I used to enjoy so much, and books. It is better. I think I'm not cut out for this.

THIS IS TOR

Ok, ok, I am guilty of forgetting Glor's birthday... but I remembered a few days later! Anyway I hope Glor had a happy birthday. Here is the very delayed meme of 4 thingies that I can suddenly do now because I've finished my exams! Yay. Just went to Edinburgh for a couple of days, will post pictures when I have internet again. It was snowing and the whole city was so pretty, like in a fairytale! (*simper simper, pirouette, big eyes*)


Meme of 4

4 Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life

Off the top of my head,
1. Stage manager for a show in the singapore arts festival (haha sounds cool but lots of shit work actually) Also various FOH and backstage work for shows.
2. working in the zoo. one job I had was to carry an albino python around so that the photographer could offer to take pictures of people with the snake.
3. intern at legal research centre. was cool writing letters and faxes to famous publishing houses. 4. shop girl in a shop serving tai tais.

4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
Before Sunset
Spirited Away
Snoopy Come Home
Interview with the Vampire

4 TV Shows You Love(d) To Watch
CSI (original only)
Sex and the City
South Park
Futurama
Desperate Housewives
Temptation Island sorry! I can't help it... it's order of preference though.

4 Places You’ve Been On Vacation To
where do i start? Can I do it by country? China (shanghai, beijing, xian, guangzhou, suzhou, guilin, HK..)
New York and DC (best vacation ever)
Italy (Florence, Rome, Milan, Naples, Capri, Venice, Ancona, Sardinia)-- favourite european country
Malaysia-- Sipadan, a tiny island off the east coast that's closed now for "ecological reasons"

4 Places You Would Rather Be

right now? or to live in?
Right now: Home in SG
South coast of France
Queensland
In SIA first class flying home to SG, watching loads of movies, eating nice food and wrapped up really warm, not having to worry about stuff like rent, work etc. bliss.

Live in:
I'm actually happy where I am in London if the weather picks up
NY
Paris, if I could speak French
SG, if I can go to thailand to shop/tan/eat nice food every weekend

4 Of Your Favourite Foods

This is a real toughie
Laksa with 'ham'
Old Chang Kee curry puff
just plain old bloody mee pok
And it's a tie between -really- good coffee, and spaghetti vongole at ciao bella. (actually their tiramisu comes a close third, hm)

Hahaa, with exception of my parents, my whole family forgot my birthday this month! Ach, doesn't matter, got advanced birthday presents and trip to London last year, I really don't give much of a damn. It's times like these that make me think that yes, money can buy happiness.

Sort of caught up with Tora recently, glad to see that she's doing alright. Am really missing those IJ days now, when we could afford to skive off work and I'd crash at her place in the afternoons after school to watch FMA or go all PoT crazy. Which reminds me, need to go and look for the movie.

On the other hand, school is looking up. Not in corner of class anymore as have switched seats with Cindy. I really like the 2 girls I'm sandwiched between. But I'm becoming a bit more normal, damn! Let's see if this turns out to be a good thing.

Eh, Tor. When you coming back arh, out of curiousity? I'll need to clear my notes out of the spare room larh. And find someplace new to store them, don't know how I'm going to do that...

Natasha: 'my valentine's date is with my books'
Tsu: 'my valentine's date is with my paintbrush'
Me: 'my valentine's date lives in China'

I still stand by what I said to Tsu, at least a paintbrush is long and pointy. You can do stuff to take advantage of that.

Hrm. On the bright side, I actually have one. A date, not a long and pointy thing. Which is an interesting experience, especially with the bit where he sent me an e-card. When I opened it, I fell off my chair in true anime fashion. Such a sweet gesture! And written in proper English with no flowery language too. /smile

No, I don't wish he were here, because absence makes the heart grow fonder. And besides, it keeps me balanced.

It was like drinking something both hot and cold at the same time, the coffee house vanished (wah, like romance novel like that) and nothing else mattered except him leaning toward me, lips pressed against mine. Then, I think my brain started to dribble out my ears. It's a wonder I managed to recover and hold an at least half-way decent conversation after.

An hour later, we went to catch a movie. Aargh.

Actually, this situation of him being overseas is quite ideal. Gives me a week to fangirl him out of my system and the rest to hear sappy love songs while passing by stores and form an honest opinion of them. Interestingly, I still think they're complete rot. Which is a good sign that my head is still screwed on right. (Right?) So by the time he gets back, I should be more or less sufficiently adjusted.

That's my theory, anyway.

He smells like Kenzo and tastes like chocolate. He's incredibly patient with my stupidity. He's charming, cultured and sprouts the occasional French phrase. He's expressive and I always know what he's talking about. He's witty and is as pretentious as I am (you might not want to hang out with us, for your own sake). He's also nicely random, sometimes.

oya koibito

Had a fantastic Chinese New Year. However, angpow haul not so good as missed a few relatives. Ah well, will probably be made up for next week, more or less. People usually have angpows conveniently left over at that point. Usually, conveniently in time for my birthday. Ok, I am shameless.

For some odd reason, interesting things seem to happen to me during the Chinese New Year period. And I wish you didn't have to leave on Sunday... /kiss

Tagged by Khayce, sorry I haven't done it til now!


4 Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life

Erm, I've never worked before, so this isn't something I could answer?

4 Movies You Could Watch Over And Over

Labyrinth (the one with David Bowie in)
Spawn
Anything by Studio Ghibli
Underworld (how they take things from other movies is just funny, but looks good)

4 TV Shows You Love(d) To Watch

CSI (all of them)
Who's line is it anyway?
Star Trek (all of them)
Just for laughs (not the gags, the staged ones)

4 Places You’ve Been On Vacation To

Brisbane (Gold Coast)
Paris
London
Various bits of China (not Suzhou though...)

4 Places You Would Rather Be

Paris
Dustwallow Marsh, 'cos of my bloody backdated mage quest
London, I miss the gallaries and museums!
Beside You (prefably in Paris)

4 Of Your Favourite Foods

Allio oglio
Black pepper crab
Cold soba
Mee Kia

4 Websites You Visit

www.errantstory.com
www.giantitp.com/cgi-bin/GiantITP/ootscript
www.ventoline.com/frozenbubble (it's damned addictive)
www.cowboycaleb.liquidblade.com

4 Tagged

Electra
Jenny
Scha
Jerrick

This paragraph from nanashee's latest post made me laugh out loud. Or maybe it was the post-exam come down.

I don't know what she spawned from, but frankly, walking into a club and expecting people to buy you drinks is a mentality that really should belong to supermodel-type people. Not when you have legs as stocky as two overgrown carrots and lines like a map of the London underground around your eyes. It's like a Monet painting; it looks pretty ok from afar, but up close, it's a fucking mess.

I know that posting msn conversations is seen in some blogging circles as tremendouly low-class, but I'm going to do it anyway. Here's a snippet from my chat with my friend Preeti in SG:


Preeti says: so how's Jim and Sung Hyui

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: jim is doing ok-- at school he excels and has a variety of extra curricular activites. he takes spanish, jazz dance lessons, and has a healthy social life

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: he also has a lot of fit classmates whom i am always asking to be introduced to

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: not one of them has called me yet

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: sung-hyui is doing well as far as i can tell she is well-liked by the teachers, popular amongst her peers, helpful and friendly. she goes to jazz dance with jim and similarly bemoans the lack of romantic interest at bpp

Preeti says: vic why do you sound like a teacher giving a character appraisal?

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: i am trying to be ironic but it doesnt seem to be working

Preeti says: haha no wait....I'm picturing you saying it now and it sounds very Victoria..

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: Sung-hyui has so far declined to join the book club set up by jim, myself, and a couple of other fellow nerds

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: the first book we are discussing is bleak house

Preeti says: haha oh my god. thats sad

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: hey book clubs are very much all the rage now in fashionable circles in the US

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: we are not being nerdy but trendy

Preeti says: of course not vic

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: in a few months we will be seen as uber cool trendspotters

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: ok, forget i said 'uber cool'

Preeti says: y'know vic....I havent laughed this much in a while

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: i'm glad to be of assistance

Preeti says: forget? yeah right...I'm going to be quoting you now to everyone who will listen.I will start with the LSE singaporeans tomorrow at evidence lecture

Preeti says: Your uber cool book club will be famous soon

Preeti says: maybe you shoudl ask some of the fit guys in Jims class to join

Preeti says: waitt....didd you do that already? is that why they havent called?

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: yes, i already did

Preeti says: hahaaaaaaaaa

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: thats probably why they havent called

Preeti says: its sad isnt it that they dont seem to be the "uber cool" trendspotter types vic

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: no lah. i'm totally just kidding

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: god i am not that sad P

Preeti says: you mean there is no book club?

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: yeah there is but i havent asked any cute guys to join.

Preeti says: well then the guys in Jims class must be gay or dumb for not calling you

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says:thanx. bloody hell

Preeti says: sigh. maybe you meet someone nice in china. nice chinese boy

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: NO

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: please dont even joke about it

So, there is a book club, and the first book really is Bleak House. I've only got to page 200. I have no idea why we chose it. It seemed a good idea at the time. I guess after a couple of bottles of wine everything goes rosy. Oh well, we needed an excuse to meet up every so often-- but Bleak House? Actually, I was so far gone that I remember promising my friend that I would run a marathon with her. If I'd thought that was feasible, the book must have seemed much less of a challenge at the time. Well, at least we will decide the next book sober. (Hopefully)

More gems of witty repartee from my little travel notebook (it's well worth keeping one when one has entertaining friends):


Joey: What is this used for? (referring to a pumice-stone in a shop in Greece)
Me: You rub your feet with it to get rid of dead skin.
Kenny: (glaring with inexplicable hatred of Joey) No, you eat it!
Joey: Well, you could use it for your brain, it's about the same size.
Kenny: Ya, but it's definitely bigger than your brain.

The next page contains a list compiled by JD, Qianru and myself on 'How do you know when you're an adult?'

1. When you can tell when white wine is too cold to be drunk
2. When you insist on drinking it out of proper glasses instead of plastic cups
3. When you think it's NOT ok to mix red and white together to get more drunk, faster

There's this other bit that always makes me laugh, but I suspect you have to have been there.

Kenny: Give me some water
Qianru: No.
Kenny: Give me some water lah! I'm very thirsty!
Qianru: No! Buy your own.
Kenny: Why don't you give me some? I'm very thirsty leh! (makes whining sounds, feet-stamping etc.)
Qianru: No, can you at least say please?
Kenny: What's the point of saying please if you're not gonna give me anyway?

Flicking through Ian's mostly 'tetno' music collection, I commented on his evident beng tastes.

Ian: "Actually at heart, I'm a beng. I just tak a lot of ang moh chek only."

Elaborating on the theme, he went on,

"Wa eh sim si ah beng.
Wa eh nao si tak LSE.
Mai ga lim peh wax lyrical.
Wa ma eh hiao."

My friend Ian is a potential king of one-liners. Consider:-

In a discussion on bad boys, their charm, and their heart-breaking ways:

"I'm not dangerous when I'm charming. I'm dangerous when I'm candid. And I'm candid all the time."

Oooooooh.

And when I busted my ankle,

"How do you know how to treat it?"
"Got lump just rub lah."

One surmises that this practical approach must have served him well in other *ahem* less innocent situations.

The fencing room in school, is good for singing. 10 minutes after I discover this, someone from band started to play the saxophone from the block across. On the other hand, went back to IJ today and fiddled with my old saxophone. The magic is gone, and I don't know why. It hurts. Ah well, it was my choice and I must live by it. Better to have loved then not loved at all.

This week, I realised, with a start, that I've a crush on one of my schoolmates. Am not quite sure what to make of this. It does not help that I might see Lance during Chinese New Year at the Lim's and that Jerrick will be back in the country too. All of this, all of it, is a big cosmic joke with the finger pointed at me, I tell you. Bah.

On the bright side, school is going well, so that's always good. Work hasn't piled up yet, but have to do revision, is all.

Tor! The photos are really good, especially the eiffel tower one! The weather was so nice that day. Missing you muchly~

I should go. Need to move my mage out of Desolace, wandering elite mobs have proven fatal.

Photos from Paris

Still don't understand 'nyan'. I suppose it's similar to my comforting phrase, 'bolbol'. Here are some photos from G and T's trip to Paris.

The view from inside the glass pyramid at the Louvre. The overcast sky ruins the picture. Next time I'll post a better one I took of mummy in the same position with a clear blue sky. I don't have it in my laptop now.

Here is Glor in front of the famous english language bookshop across the river from the Notre Dame. It's where the first scene in Before Sunset was filmed, so needless to say, it's a damn romantic location lah!


Here's me eating snails. Mmm. Tasty. The vacant expression on my face is my reaction to Glor eating a raw piece of flesh.

Here it is:

In front of the Eiffel Tower.

'Artistic' shot of the Sacre Coeur. Hey, it's hard to take a good photo juggling a quiche and a blueberry tart and trying to sit down at the same time, ok. Also, squillions of tourists had the same brilliant idea of chilling out on the steps.

View from the top:

And to show the contrast in the quality of pictures taken by my camera above (no brand camera, cost=S$100) and James's camera which I used to use all the time (Canon Ixus V3, cost=S$800), here is a photo of Florian I took at his graduation at UCL:

Florian= my ex-flatmate and Cat's boyfriend. Cat=

Yes, that really is Bentham's dead body. Except the head, which was replaced with a plastic model because KCL students kept breaking in, stealing the head and playing football with it. Apparently he is still wheeled into every UCL board meeting in accordance with his will. He is marked present but not voting. And below is a really good photo of James lim-ing kopi in Brighton. Damn I miss that camera.

Even though the background isn't much to look at, the colours are so vivid!

Here the background is nicer but obscured by us people. Still at Brighton. Beside me is Nicolas, James's friend and his crushee, Sabrina. Note my budding mummy-ish tendency to shield my face from harmful sunlight.

I don't know why I never thought of posting photos up here before. Maybe it's because of how bloody long it takes. I'm gonna put everything up on flickr so Glor (and anyone else) can look at it there. Except I don't actually know how to link it to my flickr account. hm. Glor?

I think this is how: http://www.flickr.com/photos/49514497@N00/

I might put up some nice ones from my Greece trip next. They're probably safer online than sitting around in my hard drive waiting to be stolen.

Nyan~!

Stating the obvious, it was the first week of school. Is going well! I think my class made our last year's form teacher quit, so we've got a new one now. She's very lor sor, lecture us for econs until want to sleep. She -is- nice though. And generally sounds like she knows what she's talking about, even if she does explain in circles.

The classroom that we're in was ment to be a toilet. There's the tell tale space in the walls and narrow glass windows near the ceiling that one only finds in toilets. We're also tucked away in a corner, of course. Convenient location though. Not the centre of everything but still easy to get to everywhere. Don't have to climb 5 levels again this year~

Is a very wide classroom, enough space for the boys to fool around with football, and for Andrea the resident hockey player to do her stuff. I like it. We're next to the science classes though, so miss seeing the familiar arts fac faces.

Bern made it to arts fac here, been seeing her around. Really good to see a close friend on the school grounds again. I've made myself mediator, in case of any collision between her and Tsu. On the other hand, I don't think they're going to cause any collateral damage, so everything should be fine.

Tor! Good to hear it's been solved? How was it ah? Decided not to kick you guys out is it? Good. Ian hasn't called me, the idiot. You know his number here or not arh?!

Ach, Rosen here to use WoW on my com.

/wave

I am not dead.

London was fantastic, Paris was even better (see previous posts for more details). I'd love to go there with a Certain Someone, one day. Haven't seen him for some time, and I quite miss him (I wasn't kidding about your display picture leh!).

Christmas was the usual affair, good company and even better food. Missed the fact that Tor can't be here to celebrate it with us, hope Leila's family was a good substitute. Also hoping she's not buying anything in bad taste at this year's boxing sales in London.

Random bit of trivia, it's cheaper to call home from London than Dubai. At least, that's what my bills said.

This year I sang carols (properly, not half-arsed mumbling) only at the Christmas mass. Am finding that there is greater pleasure in this, not to mention, better for my health, rather than the drilling every other day I used to have. Will go back to singing, one day. Probably in university, or something. *shrugs* That's what a traumatic 7 years does to you. Must have broken a mirrior when was younger.

But it was a good Christmas that wrapped up a terrific year. The new friends made (mostly the MI people), the lessons, whether good or bad (I usually label all of them as useful, even the Project Work ones where I had to rush reports for the next morning) and of course, the tons of life Experience Points earned.

Here's to a splendid 2005 and promising 2006 ahead.

Here is a reply from our father (the human one) in response to my email to him containing this post (with a few crucial points taken out of course).


Okay.

6) Mummy also wants to know your most recent VISA purchases/expenses. Mummy can't reconcile the latest items.

Oops.


7) Mummy wants both you and sister to:
a) sleep early
b) get up early
c) eat fruit
d) drink a lot of water
e) behave
d) don't fight
e) don't do anything that you need to ask for our permission
Daddy says: "Yah, sure".

My response was:

Daddy, I can't help it that Glor sleeps till noon when I'm at school.

Anyway what stuff do we have to ask for your permission for? According to mummy, it's 'step outside the house' or 'eat an extra square of chocolate'.

Here is a combined post brought to you by the letters G and T

Admiring the Paris skyline by night on the Pont des Arts:

Glor: Is that a light-house?
Tor: No, it's the Eiffel Tower.

Cool stuff Glor and Tor did down and out in London and Paris

1. Travelled on the metro and got into the Sacre Coeur half price and the Louvre for free. (By sheer cunning and intelligence!- Tor) Actually, the Louvre bit was 'cos it's free on Fidays after 6pm for under 26. (The metro and Sacre Coeur? Well, go figure.)

2. Accidentally discovered a place called Cafe Psycho, when wandering in Paris - it had notebooks masquerading as menus - that you could write in. Glor had the best hot chocolate of her life there. We chilled and lim-ded kopi facing the Jardin du Luxemborg.

3. Stumbled upon Shakespeare & Co. without even looking for it! Tor bought another Theroux there. It's the bookshop where Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy re-met in Before Sunset, a film which has informed Tor's personal philosophy ever since Tor first saw it.

4. Got chased out of the Louvre at night cos they were closing. So much nicer when it's deserted.

5. Spent an afternoon on the Rue Mouffetard in the Latin Quarter, and used many euros. It was a street lined by shops on both sides, infuriatingly, nothing was in English.-- Glor. Hello! It's France!-- Tor. Also it had the most romantic square Glor saw in Paris. The trees! The lights! The hobos!-- Tor. There were obligatory clumps of french students lim-ing kopi and plotting revolution.

6. We also witnessed a procession at night! Must have come from Notre Dame. It was headed by several alter boys and priests, with a bunch of people carrying a statue of Our Lady. The people followng that were all holding candles, singing and there was a van with a speaker on the top, with the lead priest's voice coming from it. Very cool, there must have been a few hundred people in the thing. The procession I mean, not the van. The priests looked like they were wearing lace table cloths.

7. Had chocolate fondue that burned at the bottom. Oops. It had seemed like a good idea at the time- Glor.

8. Discovered what a tarte au sucre is. It's a pastry with holes full of sugar! Yum-- Glor. Discovered what a triangle frangipane is- Tor. No, it's not a three sided flower, it's a sort of flaky, fragrant pastry. Mmmmmm. Miss Paris. Miss fruit tart wossname stuff-- Glor.

9. Almost got killed several times on account of looking in the wrong direction-- by which we mean the correct direction, of course.

10. Glor comes to the conclusion that Parisien boys are cuter than London boys. Tor wonders why Glor's hot guys all look 16.

11. Glor mistakes Eiffel tower for a lighthouse. What to do, it had a bright light coming from it, going in circles-- Glor.

12. We ice-skated at Somerset House! It's a grand old mansion on the strand that was beautifully lit with fairy lights and proper flaming torches edging the rink. We (almost) had mulled wine and mince pie. (I was carded and didn't have id. How strange)-- Tor. There was the biggest real christmas tree Glor's ever seen. Ice skating is actually really fun.

13. Glor got pissed, threw up and passed out. On a pint of cider.

Away from Tor's watchful gaze (when I was with her, Glor was all 'I hate alchohol, I don't drink man' etc, so I gave her a vodka mudshake, a drink I thought was suitably fun without being an alcopop... baby steps, remember? And she was alright. But then when I was at school, the first thing she did was get shit-faced and fall over.)

14. Glor made her first meal - pizza, with Ian. Tor: she just put the topping on top and bunged the whole thing into the oven. Wot? Glor: Woot.

15. Glor went to Camden market and saw lots of clothes she wanted there. Glor thinks goth lolita cosplayers would be very happy there. We went to cool shisha cafe and had moroccan spice tea.

16. Frequently had nice dinners in Soho, usually followed by coffee at an italian cafe that's got a hot waiter. Tor: Bar Italia, my friendly neighbourhood coffee place. And he's gay. It is Soho.

17. Tried out French laptop of Julien's at a party in King's Cross. Still not sure how to get the full stop out.

18. Glor's spent more than a total of 12 hours in various museums. Her favourite is the National Gallery at Trafalgar Square, though she thinks the Natural History museum is good too. Ogled many unfortunate pickled things in the Darwin centre there, like worms from whales' stomachs.

19. Glor got haircut in Soho by Tor's Japanese hairdresser. Looks muchly better now.

20. Saw Mary Poppins the musical! It was very good. *sings* Just a spoonful of sugar, helps the medicine go down~ It cost £25 each. Tor: ow.


The traffic in Paris is really crap. Number 1, they drive on the wrong side of the road. Number 2, there must be something wrong with the traffic lights there-- or maybe it's the cars. Whatever it is, the movement of the cars do not correspond in any way to the light signals.

Number 3, you've got to have balls, or 'avec la peche', to cross the street. (Literally-- to have a peach, don't ask about the spherical imagery) That is, you must ga ga lai and cheong! Once you hesitate, you are lost and will never actually be able to get to the other side.

Glor enjoyed the hostel we stayed at. I'll let her write about that. The only interesting thing that happened for me was that I was able to cross off one item on my list of things I should do while travelling: bring up the sheep-and-cow-fart tax in NZ in conversation with a kiwi. First off, you learn that it's a methane emissions tax. In my opinion, it doesn't matter what you call it, it's still a tax on cattle farts. As the rounds tot up though, we slowly discover that the problem was the grass the cows were eating. It was the wrong type of grass. So they started feeding them happy grass and the cows started asking for big macs.

It's a well-kept secret.

Posting from London! Leeching off sister's neighbour's wireless. Woot.

Alright, so I've been here 5 days. It's not bad really, but this is the viewpoint of a tourist. I'm sure my sister would say much different. Bloody cold over here too, though is nothing unsolvable by a good coat. Is good when you're on the streets alot, walking from place to place, as sister lives in middle of London and can walk practically everywhere. I have found that Trafalgar square pigeons are very slow and stupid; it's nice to chase them though there is the temptation to kick them too, they move that slowly.

Been to pretty much all the tourist spots, Big Ben was lit up at night, Soho has dodgy people, didn't understand much of the pieces at the Tate, and the London eye is fucking expensive to ride. Which is applicable to everything. People tell me that I should stop the mental money conversions as then I'lll not spend any money at all, really.

Wanted to catch Phantom or Mary Poppins this evening but like I said, is expensive. Ended up cooking pizza with Ian at my sister's place. Well, at least we caught Stomp.

Leaving for Paris tomorrow, hope is not very cold there. Have to go pack now.

Right, haven't had time to blog. Been busy playing World of Warcraft, trying to get to level 30 before the person who owns the account moves back to San Fran and starts playing in the hours that I can play too. 5 more levels to go! I've an undead fire mage, anyone on Icecrown pst me!

In any case, am leaving this Friday for London, to visit my sister. (I just msged you the details!) Hopefully I'll get back in one piece. Hope also to have lots of adventure and excitment and do some really froody things~!!11one

And not have my sister flunk her exams in the process.

I'll be bringing back lots of chocolate for people. Classmates, mostly. And both sides of the family, maybe for gaming crew also. Seems nice and general and safe and everyone likes chocolate really. Or fudge. Come on, you know you want it.

Speaking of classmates, haven't got time to mail cards this year, damn! Guess I'll do it next year. And not done with shopping yet either. Suppose I'll squeeze it in when I get back. Will meet up with people like Rosie and Amanda when I get back too. Also trying to figure out how to mail Tora's present when we get it. Oy, got no one going down this Christmas right, Tora?

So. Am alive and well, just haven't been blogging much.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Gloria
2. Glor/Gor
3. Groria

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Aargh~!
2. Ack.
3. "please insert angsty teenage quote here"

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hands
2. The shade of my skin
3. How easy it is to make people laugh

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My big nose with open pores that i can't seem to close no matter how much toner
2. Being careless
3. My ridged nails

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Singaporean
2. Catholic
3. Peranakan

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. The dark
2. Pulling too much aggro. Is bad for us mage cloth wearing types
3. Being forcibly introduced to really really hot guys. Like Terence's nephews, the Hang Ten twins. Well, one of them. I had to hide behind Gee, literally. Is convenient to have friends who weigh about 100 kg. And Terence is Evil.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Sleep
2. My glasses
3. Light

THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. My glasses
2. IJ shorts
3. Oversized crane tee-shirt I made Gee give me

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
2. I'm not that Girl - Wicked, the musical
3. Lullaby - the Cure

THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
2. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett (yeah, I got them both off you, Khayce. Will be bringing a couple to London, if you don't mind? Richard said it was ok. You'll get them back in the same condition.)
3. The Trinity main book, it's a White Wolf game.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Interesting conversation, being well-read would be a bonus here
2. The other party to make space for my game time
3. The other party to not think I'm an idiot

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can speak mandarin
2. I'm secretly still bi
3. People can't keep up with me in a crowd

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A nice smile
2. To be able to feel that funny groove on the back, at the backbone
3. Kissable lips

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Being left alone to read. Even in a noisy classroom, just don't talk to me. Students have to be able to do things like that.
2. Gaming
3. Running errands alone, so people don't slow me down

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. A dungeon. Maybe WC (since we went there by accident the other time) or SFK.
2. A manicure
3. Finish up Christmas shopping

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Physiotherapist
2. Tako pachi flipper (I hope you recognise that reference, Tora)
3. Geologist

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Egypt, to visit the pyramids
2. That 7 star hotel in Dubai
3. Where ever they're holding GenCon

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Calien
2. Jenny
3. Nicholas

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. Have sex
2. Have a go at the saxophone again
3. Be in a musical. That would be nice.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I game
2. I like having short hair, is fuss free
3. I hate wearing skirts

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I like window shopping
2. I like having my nails done
3. I scream at the sight of a cockroach

THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2. Erm, none really
3.

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. The guy who plays Cedric Diggory
3. The guy who plays Viktor Krum (yes, I recently saw GoF)

Tagg~
Jerrick
Tora
Bern
Rosie
Amanda

I just came from reading this post off KC's blog and just had to comment.

I'm surprised at how a lot of what Khayce says is not generally taken as self-evident. A lot of violence is about control rather than inflicting pain, in the same way rape is about power and not sex.

Here is an excerpt off the original post:

Those who know me would know that I never sympathise with women who are in abusive relationships. Of course I am speaking of women who choose to be in abusive relationships, who despite the fact that their spouses/boyfriends treat them like dirt, continue to remain in the relationship for whatever reason. I don't include in this list women who are in it by coercion, women who are in it due to blackmail (even these I wonder why doesn't she just go to the cops), etc. I am speaking specifically of girls who "like bad boys" and then cry buckets over a busted lip.

Now, there is a lot of unpacking to be done here. I am familiar with the type of phenomenon Hades refers to. Some girls do tend to be attracted to men who are less than fine, upstanding pillars of the community. I myself have been nursing a secret crush on someone I know is Not Good For Me, as readers of this blog may have noticed. But to imagine that this sometimes unfortunate tendency of women to go out with 'bad boys' to be the only reason why abused women stay in relationships is somewhat oversimplifying the issue.

I agree with many of the arguments raised by KC and so will not go over the most obvious ones again. (i.e. abusive partners do not necessary look like gangsters, it starts small... etc) Here is what I wrote in his comments page:

I agree that Hades' argument is somewhat flawed. It reveals a certain lack of understanding of human psychology. I went and posted a comment before I read the rest of your post, but didn't bring that point up. Instead I pointed out that the material circumstances surrounding the victim may be a deciding factor in whether to go or stay-- some women literally have no place else to go and could end up on the streets. Of course we could argue that there is no lack of organisations who dedicate themselves to the cause of supporting victims of domestic violence, but if we are to be realistic and look at the demographics, most abused (let's be honest) women aren't very educated and are from very poor backgrounds with little family support. To their minds these organisations may even end up taking sides with the abusive partner! Oh heck it, I'm gonna continue this on Glor's blog.

*I am aware that this last point (idea that authorities may side with abusive partner) may need some elaboration as it is not immediately obvious how this could be. However, I seriously can't be bothered. The literature is out there, this phenomenon is fairly well-documented and accepted, take it as you will.*

The physical conditions mentioned above, I would argue, are only a small albeit important part of the picture. Control isn't all physical. Sometimes, it doesn't even need to be consciously exerted. Violence is one tool for the exercise of control. Threats do not have to be physical. Control doesn't even have to emanate from a person, it may be self-imposed. Consider the sometimes oppressive feeling in our very own society that we have no choice to do well in school, to do well at work, to frame our interests in a way that is acceptable to general society. (On a side note, I'd just like to point out that 'rebelling' against something and declaring yourself 'wierd' and 'alternative' reaffirms the thing against which one rebels in the first place). Of course I speak of societal pressures, but no one is consciously going around telling people what they can or cannot do; the pressure is systemic. I use the word 'control' here loosely, to indicate the forces by which a person's choices may be circumscribed.

Take this down to the micro-level of family. I would go so far as to argue that the psychological aspects of control, which are more insidious and also more widespread, are the major cause of abused women staying in destructive relationships. Khayce has eloquently made the point (in fewer words than I, sadly for me) that it starts small, and before you know it, you don't actually have a support network. Those of us who have been in long term relationships know how easy it is to put our partners first, especially if said partners appear to need/want support. Just think of this common scenario: man says I love you, can't live without you, you are the only one who understands me and all that I have. Soon, all your attention and energy goes toward making this person happy. There is a term for this in pop-psych circles: emotional vampirism. After you have invested so much into a relationship, it is difficult to give it all up. Being able to 'take someone for granted' is in fact a measure of control. Obviously, having very happy times and great make-up sex in between only compounds this difficulty.

Hey, don't knock it. It may seem very evident to us what's going on in such relationships, but to those involved, it might appear part of the 'ups and downs' that all couples go through. After all, what strengthens a relationship more than a little drama? In truth, sometimes the martyred feeling one gets on seeing your partner through a difficult patch gives us the impression(illusion?) that one is being a good and loyal girlfriend/boyfriend. Hands up those who've been told, 'she's making use of you!' who've said, 'no lah, I'm just being a good *fill in blank* to her'. What do I say? Control.

Hades would probably argue, fair enough that emotional manipulation on the part of abusive partners may be why their victims stick around, but when it starts getting physical, surely it is time ot leave? I agree. I think most sensible women would have a strong enough sense of self-preservation to leave. To some extent it is the woman's own fault if she stubbornly refuses to listen to her friends and family and refuses to open her eyes to the true situation. But we have to acknowledge that there are many other factors at play here, including the possible presence of kids and ther material exigencies.

Arguably, being subject to psychological violence short of physcial violence may be even more damaging on a woman's psyche than being hit all the time. The constant threat of something can be more terrifying than the actual thing happening. Living in a city which is collectively holding its breath in constant preparation for a terrorist attack teaches you that most violence occurs in the realm of the mind.

Have you read of instances where women actually fall in love with their rapists? That's a totally different point but the idea is the same-- it's all in the mind and sometimes completely irrational. One other thing to take away from this discussion is that there should be no value-judgment when dealing with such strange phenomenon. Maybe this is a wishy-washy GP-type view that I'm advocating (or maybe just cos I'm a girl), but I truly think that allocating blame is seriously counter-productive. I know we can't help it because that's just the way we think; there's lots of research to show that polemic discourse is the norm in most cultures, but there are people at stake here, and the way out is to seek to understand, not to condemn.

Wah lau. I think I have reminded myself why I don't blog anymore. Takes too damn long man. Now I have to rush for dinner and tango class. Few disclaimers before I go out of sheer habit: any references to gender should be taken to refer to members of either/both sex. Statements should be read in context of earlier discussions on this theme (linked above).

Here I am again, frantically wasting time. I've got a late assignment that I haven't started and a few pieces of work tomorrow. AT this rate I'll have to skip my tango class. (Noooo!Do work after this, promise.)

THIS IS TOR. Glor, btw, how do you do a heading on top of each post?

I feel like this is such a cop out, being so uncreative and just doing memes/quizzes rather than posting a finely-crafted blog entry like the ones I like to read: *plug!*www.pinkerskies.blogspot.com and www.purpleslug.blogspot.com* for a limited time only. More stuff to be found there that's more elegantly written than I have the time to/can manage.

So here goes, since purpleslug tagged me (and I don't even have a blog wah lau)

BTW IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT ON THIS IS TOR. (So clumsy, so clumsy, but what to do?)

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Toeya
2. TOR
3. Aziraphale

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Israphale
2. TOR
3. the dirty ho (yes yes, in a situation where there was more than 1) (ok enough already) (no, I'm not going to tell you where)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair
2. My eyes
3. The roll of fat around my tummy which I knead and squish-- it's strangely comforting and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost that fat.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My big nose with open pores that i can't seem to close no matter how much toner
2. My roll of fat
3. My total klutziness. It's really annoying. I'd like to be graceful but looks like none of my genes are primed for that.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Singaporean
2. catholic
3. how i find the post-colonialist discourse intuitive

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. cockroaches
2. getting burgled again and possibly getting hurt
3. Ju On

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. water
2. bolbol
3. something interesting to think about

THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. jeans, black sleeveless T
2. suede boots
3. black fake leather jacket

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Goodnight Moon, Shivaree
2. Staple it together, Jack Johnson
There's a line from this song that I really like, 'He stabbed a moment in the back/
With a brown thumb tack/ That held up the list of things he gotta do'
3. Por una cabeza, from the Scent of a Woman OST

THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus
2. Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl, Tracy Quan
3. Labyrinths, Jorge Luis Borges

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. sex
2. lots and lots of anticipation for the sex
3. destructive mind games
Does it seem obvious to anyone yet that I don't want a relationship right now?

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can speak mandarin
2. I like equivocating
3. I'm so bad at lying

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes, yes cliched, but really, what do you expect? plus relatively pleasant features obviously
2. nice broad, strong set of shoulders
3. good hair, right hair for look. I've been so frustrated with James' hair or lack thereof that I've decided to make this a criterion. I am not dating any guys with the wrong hair. sorry.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. enjoying bolbol
2. destructive mind games
3. wandering around doing nothing in particular

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Do all my homework before 7pm
2. Go to my tango class (it's very therapeutic)
3. have a drink

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. writer/journalist (haven't we all?)
2. doctor/brain surgeon
3. high class call girl (but haven't got what it takes lah. who'd be willing to spend £1000 for a night with me? wah lau)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. This is an impossible category, but ok, top is NY, again.
2. Barcelona (really can't believe I still haven't been)
3. Vienna, but not before I'm ready

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. I really don't like kids. Ok, at best I'm indifferent. But here goes, Prudence,
2. Hope
3. Strawberry

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. go cow-pushing. ask the nearest aussie what this means
2. dance a really good tango with someone I really like
3. just one last go on the stage-- a swansong

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I flirt with girls
2. I am quite insensitive
3. I don't really give a damn

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I like skirts and nice heels
2. I would NEVER EVER shave my head-- too vain
3. I actually like flowers

THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2.Aiyah, same answer as purpleslug
3.

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. Brad Pitt (ok, sorry, sorry)
3. Tom Cruise (ok, sorry sorry, very old school I know, but classic lah) (anyway my Boy looked a bit like him-- haha, why is it not surprising that he was a player?)

I tag
Nanashee
Glor
I'm not interested in anyone else's and I won't ask almostinfamous cos he's prolly too busy

More later, I suppose I should do a proper post then.

TOR HERE

Well, that's that and it's all one. Spent most of these couple of weeks dealing with James who keeps wanting to make up and carry on, but the echoing phrase, 'Too little too late' says it all.

In other news, the most interesting thing happened yesterday. First, David Blunkett resigned, then, I met a theatre director while having coffee at my usual coffee place who was looking for a girl with an authentic Sgean/Malaysian accent for his upcoming play! Haha! How cool is that? He invited me to audition in two weeks' time.

It's not a big part or whatever but I'm jumping at the chance to speak singlish on stage in london! How cool would that be?! The funny thing is when I was chatting to him he couldn't tell where I was from but when I said I was from SG he said, oh, do you know anyone who speaks Singlish? I gave him a queer look, as one does, and said, hello? Me! And said the most SGean thing I could think of, 'wah lau, you think what?', and he roared!

Funny hor?

Glad you're enjoying yourself Glor. I'm still feeling flat post-breakup and post-go-insane mode. Not having my passport is a bit of a chore too, I'm visiting people in the UK instead since I can't leave the country. Hopefully I will have it back again by the time you get here. I might be able to wrangle us a space on Florian's floor in Munich and we can chou re nao at the famous Christmas market, or we can be romantic together in wintry Paris. I think I will have to invite myself to a friend's house for Christmas (so sad right?) cos I just can't stand the thought of spending it just smashed out of my brain in london (cos that's really the only thing you can do in london for christmas). Not being home for christmas is really sad.

God damn it! Mirrormask is screened here December 8, when I'm in London! Only on 2 screens, at that! (information courtesy of Gaiman's blog) Damn this!! I really don't want to resort to looking for the torrent, it's the sort of thing you'd want to catch on the big screen, after all. Damn and blast it!!

It's not just this I'll be missing. 3 weeks of Ars Magica plus the year end cosplay as well. And I -was- so looking forward to seeing new/old faces at cosplay too... And what if the World of Warcraft Burning Crusade is out by then?!

Then again, even if someone gave me a free WoW account, it wouldn't make things better.

Aargh! I'm going to miss Mirrormask!!!

(15 minutes later)

Oh. It's showing -from- the 8th to the 31st. So I can watch it after all~!!!11oneone

And all is right within the world.

The hols have started! On with the busy festive months! I love the feeling of -doing- things. Like runnng errands or Christmas shopping in town, where there are people everywhere and you're just zipping from place to place, working through the crowd like a Kender.

A whirl of bags and stream of phone calls... left, right, and a left again, to the underpass then waltzing out into the sunlight and weaving past a gaggle of teenagers, a family with a crying child, past the lovers sharing an ice cream...

I love this Christmas, not having to worry about taking care of my voice or the over packed scheduele.

Been in town alot recently, due to sick aunt staying at Mount E. Strolling through the streets arm in arm with my younger cousin Peter this evening. Got a balloon off his younger sister. Is bobbing on my finger as I type right now! The giant Taka tree is out, decor soon to come.

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed...

I'm starting to remember why I loved Christmas as a child...

Am through to next year! By the skin of my teeth, so have to continue mugging. Somebody kill me please!

I like Econs. Really, I do. And I'm not just saying this because Wen might read this journal either. But, it's just so damned difficult to do. So I've to go for more tuition this holiday. On the bright side, Wen was nice about me failing. Wen's the best tuition teacher ever~!

So like that lah. Think I've to bring homework over to London. Bleah.

Rumours say that Mirrormask was going to be brought to Singapore, but haven't seen publicity for it yet. Judging by the response to Gaiman's trip here, they should recognise that there is a market to be exploited. I -do- hope that it eventually gets here. Keyword here being eventually.

Did you know that the director for Brothers Grmm did The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (if that's how you spell it)? I loved that movie. Never seen the DVD around though. The scene where the baron took rope from the top of the rope they were climbing down of, will never cease to amuse me.

You ah. I'm worried about you leh. Don't be depressed ok? I'll come and pester you in a few months, then you'll be too embarrased to be seen with your scruffy teenaged sister to be lonely. *hugg~

Oh, by the way. Got this off LiveJournal (I do have an account there you know).

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

(Feel free to repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.)

TOR AGAIN!

Argh! Forgot to say that I've got the LAST ticket for Mirrormask on the 1st of Nov. I can hardly believe it myself. I knew it was coming with the London Film Festival and was just talking about booking tickets, but forgot. So this morning I woke up bright and early, went down to leicester square, and tried to get tickets for all the other shows I want to watch too.

'Ok, the most important is Mirrormask', I said. 'Oops, sold out.' 'What?! No. You're kidding me. Please be kidding me.' 'Wait I'll check. Oh... there's one left.'

'I'll take it!'

So now Mirrormask is all sold out, 1 and 1/2 weeks before it is due to show. Cost me £10. I'm also gonna see is Everything is Illuminated and the Brothers Grimm. Will report back on how it goes.

THIS IS TOR

I maintain that a little bit of navel-gazing now and then, the occassional bout of introspection, is healthy, even necessary, in a well-adjusted person. As a wise man once said, there's nothing wrong with being self-absorbed if you are interesting enough to justify it.

So it comes to pass that at some point in the lifetimes of every girl who is sufficiently self-aware, this question must be asked: which character am I in Sex and the City?

The other day five such individuals were making merry in a Holborn pub after a hard day's work. That entailed serious discussions on topics ranging from the most interesting place we've ever had sex in, to the nature of our desire to be like, or to live the lives of, television characters.

The answer to the first was a draw between 'under a weeping willow in a Montreal garden' and 'the backseat of a car on the Brighton sea front'. The answer to the other was slightly tricker.

Nick pointed out that for the boys, it was in fact not one question but two. Which girl would you like to be with, versus which girl you would eventually end up with. Unsurprisingly, they plumped for a night with Samantha but a lifetime with Carrie.

However, the girls as one said, 'Miranda'. Generally considered by men to be the least conventionally attractive of the group, yet the most intelligent and career-oriented, we identified with her the most.

But something struck me and I turned to nick-- girls have two levels also. Everyone wants to be Carrie but we can't say that that's who we are in case guys take one look at us and go, 'huh'. We all want to be pretty and fun, carefree and creative, effortlessly stylish and intelligent and strong.

But the bunch of us here, we've sold out. We don't dare say we're pretty and fun. We may say we're reasonably attractive (as indeed that's what I think of myself), and good conversationalists, but pretty and fun? No. We set store by our intellect, our ambition, our independence, our mannish qualities. Our confidence does not derive from our looks. We do not practise the art of the smile and glance, play the coquette, ask for lights for our cigarettes. We are to be men's colleagues, first, and their love interests second. They must know us for what we do, then, who we are. 'Carefree and creative' are not words to describe the image of the City lawyer we will all be. We're afraid to be Carrie. We might've been, once, or could be, in the future, but that is not who we are.

So he shakes his head, "ah! the fatalism of the young!" Why trap yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy? I could hardly bear to tell him that this is all we know.

THIS IS TOR

Many thanks for all the birthday greetings!

Oh! I cringe when I read my BolBol poem. It really is quite personal, isn't it? I'm not sure if it is appropriate to exhibit my dysfunction so openly. Anyway, I feel okay now after having had a very good birthday. I think breaking up with him may have been the best thing I've done all year (well, actually, no, the best was going to new york for free) because, cliched as it is, it has made me realise who my friends are etc etc. You see, my problem is that I am a serial monogamist and I've never really had to depend on my friends just cos the next guy has always been waiting to catch me. Now, there is no next guy!

Or to put it differently, there are a variety of possible next guys to choose from. *rubbing hands in evil anticipation*

I was very pleased to receive calls from some friends in SG in the morning so I feel loved now. And I had a really lovely time at drinks, and dinner and the club later with my hot friend Leila who always gets guys to buy her drinks (and me by proxy, haha! suckers!) I looked around the dinner table and thought, damn! my friends are cool. And then proceeded to slide gently and slowly into inebriation. Am pleased about prezzies too. (Ok, now starting to sound a little like a 12 year old, but I'm still hungover, bear with me) For the first time in my life, I got 2 dozen roses! And nice books and CDs, and Flor gave me a pot of purple flowers for mky windowsill too.

So that was tuesday. On wednesday I went out with my class as it was another girl's birthday on monday, and mine was tuesday so we decided to combine it and make a night out of it. The class bought us a cake and when it came out, the waiters threw pizza dough all over us. It must be some kind of strange italian tradition, but by then I really was more interested in the flaming shots of sambuca everyone was suddenly thrusting at me. I looked around the dinner table and thought, damn! I like my classmates. They are cool. Good conversation, good wine, good food (for london, and for the price)... what more could you ask for for a good night out?

Actually, it looks like it might happen all over again, as I'm meeting the LSE Jessup crowd tonight, I'm helping out with selection and Jim's gone and told everyone that it's my birthday so they're gearing up for a big night out. I don't know how much more of this I can take, I haven't done any work whatsoever this week and am trying to cram in an hour's work for tomorrow's assignment which I have to hand in.

*looks at tagboard* Many thanks, Grace.

Happy Birthday, my dear sister! Hope you got the mail we sent. It's in 2 parts, remember ok? Oh, so you don't have a boyfriend that goes 'super cool hawker food ' anymore. Play the field man. And you'll have to cook for me, when I'm there!

To cheer you up, there is always Bolbol! Plus the poem you wrote for it is still lying around the house...

Ode To Bolbol

Happiness is a warm bolster smelling like youself
With Bolbol to squeeze sleep is joy itself
The nice mushy inside all squishy and snug
The softness of Bolbol yielding to a hug

Anytime anywhere a bolster is good
'cos smelling Bolbol is happy food
I doesn't matter what's inside it
Even though it's dustmite corpses and shit

'cos they're vacummed out by the $3000 machine
And think of how clean Bolbol's been
Since the bol case was changed last year
So there's really nothing to fear.

From the thing that brings happiness to me
The nicest bolster all the world can see.

THIS IS TOR

I am newly single. For the first time in years. Weeerrgh! Although it is a bit lonely and sad in my house now, with no one to cook for, I think it was the right decision for the Long Run. Seeing people my age getting married (1 girl in my class came straight from her honeymoon for start of term and the guy who sits opposite me is getting hitched in March in a castle in Austria. woah.) has totally scared the shit out of me. James is 30. Do I want to marry him? No. Has he asked me? No, but it's only a matter of time and we'd been together 2 years already.

So it was time to take stock of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. He wanted to go home. I have to stay here. He basically wanted to settle down. And I've spent a loooong time in stable relationships. And I was getting very tired of having to be with somebody who isn't really there, who hates the place he's in, who spouts vitriol about the people he is surrounded by. In new age terms, it was just too much negative energy. So that's that. Until something interesting happens in my love life-- well, actually, until I'm ready for something interesting to happen-- it's gonna be solitary evenings, strictly me-time, cooking for my friends or crazy partying.

Oh my lord, I just woke up. That must have been some kind of sleep of the dead one gets after the exams, or something. Didn't bother going for the post exam activities the school thoughtfully organised for us, simply because I think I would have dropped dead from bordem or exhaustion or maybe both. I don't like sports that make you run around alot, no.

Do feel bad for not turning up to get my fencing jacket off Cephas, my fencing captain. Heh, always have this urge to call him buchou, really. Have this vague impression that he called this morning to ask where I was. I hope I apologised. Don't you hate asnwering the phone in your sleep and having conversations you aren't quite aware of?

Fencing. I know I just said that I don't like sports, but I figured it would be a cool thing to join. A bit of a change from performance arts. I've just realised that I'm afraid to commit. That's why I'm so slack about it, something that was almost unheard of with choir and band.

I'm tired of putting in so much blood and sweat but not getting much in return. I mean look, the greatest achievement I had in band was singing for the last concert. And in choir I never really ment much to them. Doesn't mean I didn't have any fun singing or playing though. It simply stopped being about the music somewhere along the way, and started being a duty, more than anythig else. I wanted to progress, but that wasn't happening much. I sound like a snob, but I'm simply stating my feelings. Thinking about how static the choir was just serves to make me annoyed. For both, we'd get scoldings all the bloody time.

But here in fencing... you fence only for yourself. It's not a group thing anymore, where you work together to sound good. It doesn't matter when you've got a different style or anything like that. I keep on forgetting that this is a sport, anything that matters to you, only matters to you. I used to get pissed off when someone couldn't hit that god easy note, but that doesn't happen here.

Besides, the people in fencing actually love doing it, they're not here because of friends or anything. It's not a duty to them. So much so that I was the only person left at the booth during Open House, everyone else was all over the place having bouts. I guess I'm the only person who wants to tell others how fun fencing really is. I do give a damn about it, you know.

Time to get back on the horse.

Aargh aargh
last paper tommorow
is
more econs
want to catch
up on reading and
random people and
gaming! Oh!
need to burn 10 GB
worth of data to
clear space
like
my
brain

In middle of exam marathon. Not including National Education, we've got 4 papers to go, ending next Wednesday. Alright, a week more then.

Don't even know why they make us take the stupid NE exam anyway, at least put it in a decent timeslot and not in the middle of the afternoon lunch-ish sort of time larh. I know people have exams in the morning before that but it just serves to make them irritated, no? NE preventing them from going off, and all that. On the bright side, at least people like me who don't have exams that morning can sleep in. But really, it doesn't even matter when we fail the thing.

I can't help but think that it would be better for us to have nice breaks between our papers, so that we've got more time to study, instead of freaking out by the fact that we've got papers one after another. Ach, I suppose it's better than those in poly, I hear they have projects due all the freaking time, even if they don't have exams. I'd rather do exams really, especially when I know what I'm talking about.

I've just come to a conclusion; I learn most during lectures, like when we're under pressure to have to understand why exactly a monopoly makes so much money. I need to invest in a tape recorder, as Khayce suggested. That's why I couldn't do the Long Day's Journey essay properly today, I'd missed a couple of important lectures. I am quite hating myself for that, so I've got to be more selective about ponning school now.

And, I've only just noticed, after doing more than 10 years worth of exams, that I silently read what I write. With a start I'd realised that my lips were moving while I was talking about Huxley's use of irony. Bloody hell, I'm even doing it now. Wonder why I'd never noticed before.

Like that larh. Need to go do geog now.

I am that child who loved wandering outside in the estate, parents mad with worry. I am that child who hated the gate when it was locked, or when the stairs were barred, with my sister on the other side making fun of me (yes, I still remember that).

I am the sister who will never be as good as you are. I am that sister whom you have shaped in so many ways, more than you know, who misses you very much too.

I am the reason you continue to work, not letting you retire early. I am that daughter who sees you coming back late everyday, and listens to your conversations about work over dinner.

I am the granddaughter who never appreciated you until you were gone.

I am that student who has spent 10 good years in a convent, the blue pinafoe marking me for life, even if I don't wear it anymore.

I am the band member who would sing with you during sectionals, instead of play the saxophone. I am the same who left the school having that as an achievement.

I am the choir member who quit because she couldn't stand the weekly scoldings, who realised that she could be doing other more productive things with her saturday afternoons and holidays.

I am that singer who let her voice go down the drain.

I am that friend who constantly worries about you. I am that friend who will constantly pimp books/musicals/anime/gaming to you. I am that friend who will give you shelter if you ever run away from home. I am that friend who will listen, if you need it.

I am your ina roel.

I am that classmate who needs to re-roll her charisma.

I am the girl who will always have a crush on you, that girl who woke up crying when you went away.

I am that teenager who will always bear that grudge against you.

I am a young woman who doesn't know what to do with the rest of her life. I am that girl who wants to grow up to be an adventurer.

I am wondering what next life will throw at me.

OK TOR AGAIN

Yay! Am freeriding on someone else's wireless at home so I have internet! I now have a nice new laptop and have installed msn! I have just re-connected into the world of the virtually living. I shall be adding everyone slowly to my new msn. The old one diededed on me years ago. Since my computer won't let me post my homework on my school's web discussion board thingie for some reason, I might as well do this quiz, using my new-found internet source. And since it caters so appealingly to the self-absorbed (i.e. me, although less so now than when khayce first brought this fact about myself to my attention-- see, am doing it again).

Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn.

1. The nicest thing in my house is my bolster, named BolBol.
2. The nicest thing about my house is that it is in Covent Garden.
3. I once wrote a poem dedicated to BolBol.
4. My sister's bolster used to be called Ster Ster. Wait, that isn't about me. I used to make my sister say that my bolster is nice. That's better.
5. More than one person has said that I look like Daniel Chan.
6. I am self-absorbed enough to think that people will find a list like this interesting.
7. I like the colour tan more than the colour red now.
8. I go to a Japanese hair stylist and have funky Jap hair that looks like a mushroom.
9. I actually enjoy reading The Economist.
10. Reading The Economist makes me feel smart.
11. I am now so fat now that my aunt could not spot me in my graduation photo with my friends.
12. I now cycle every day for half an hour while reading The Economist so that I can feel fit AND smart.
13. I now do not eat any carbohydrates after 5pm.
14. I have just discovered Paul Theroux and am spending way too much money on his books, particularly his travel writing.
15. I once got picked up at the County Hall gallery by this guy who saw me clutching a Theroux novel. He worked for the Foreign Office and spoke chinese. Obviously I had to decline his invitation to dinner since I am attached. (Damn! there went a free dinner)
16. My boyfriend has logged over 400 dives (scuba). I have done about 20.
17. I still hang out with my dive instructor who is from Malta but works in London now. (As an accountant, not a dive instructor)
18. I don't drink beer anymore, unless it is Ninkeberry, which is mango-and-passionfruit flavoured beer.
19. I miss watching Glor's anime.
20. I miss Glor.

Can everyone Glor tagged link back here so we can all see what they wrote?

Don't know why, but I got tagged for this twice, so I guess it mean that I'd better do it...

Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn.

1. I think I may be beginning to like red more than black.
2. But I still like black anyway.
3. I actually -do- like my classmates. Really.
4. I still think my older sister is 19, so I've got to add the years up when people ask me how old she is.
5. I like liquorice, and it's damned difficult to find good liquorice here.
6. Stupid people make me laugh. That would include the blur tourists one often sees in town.
7. I am beggining to be quite enthusiastic about wuxia films.
8. My father likes long distance running.
9. He also happens to have a degree in both philosophy and literature.
10. So does my mum. But she graduated at a chinese university so she knows all about confucious.
11. But I really -don't- know why I speak the way I do, or where it came from.
12. I can play the saxophone. And I rather miss it.
13. I'd like to think that I can/could sing.
14. I'm frustrated by the fact that no one seems to have heard of the korean manwha, Priest.
15. My left ring finger is longer than my right. Seriously!
16. The surface of my nails are ridged, so on the occasion of a manicure, the lady has to file them down.
17. I like pretty dice. Especially the runic d10 and the blue blood scarab set on dicepool.com
18. My favourite character so far isn't my Ars Magica magus, but the V:tM Daughter of Cacophony.
19. I think that anime and manga are underrated, by the general public. And I like to argue with them on that. Even if you really -do- have some nonsense stuff out there.
20. I'm so fair that sometimes under the sun, I burn when walking from place to place.

9 minutes. Tagg~!
Jerrick
Victoria
Rosie
Khayce
Ed
Jenny
Amanda
Tsu
Dawn

THIS IS TOR

I know how you feel about people like The Girl Who Giggled. Thankfully, I am no longer surrounded by such numbskulls, and/or can move away slowly and carefully if I ever find myself their midst. Although I did meet a very interesting girl at a business course we had to go for in Manchester. Didn't get to see the city at all (except a little bit of the Uni campus) but I had a luxurious room all to myself with a TV and ironing board! *gasp* It's funny how your standards get lowered, staying in UK hotels.

So, this girl.

'Howdy!' she said as I entered the room for our little groupwork session thingie. This greeting seemed strange as she was obviously very posh. It could have been her confused effort to connect with the common people such as myself. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she had got her countries mixed up. What else could I say but 'er, hello?'.

'Is it just you?' she replied.

I didn't know, there were meant to be 6 of us but apparently many people had had a rather heavy night the night before and hadn't actually got up that afternoon.

After a pause she said, 'So, what's your background then?'. I forgot to mention that this girl looks like the queen (perhaps a younger version) and was wearing tweed. I didn't know if I was meant to say that I was from the Bishan branch of the Ho family involved in middle class pursuits (I'm afraid), or just that I was from SG.

'No,no!' she said, 'I meant, which university are you from?'

So I detailed my educational pedigree.

'Are you at Oxford next year then?' she was referring to the LPC year that everyone has to do in order to sit their bar exam. We can do this in Nottingham, Oxford, or London.

'No, I'll be in London,' I told her.

'Jolly good.'

Absolute and awkward silence.

Luckily people started coming in and having conversations about houses in the country, and the people who knew the other people in the room, so I could relax. But the majority of my future colleagues are nice or at least ok, from what I've experienced. There are one or two that are just not on the same planet though, for example, one girl is on planet Paris Hilton.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my future colleagues, they just exasperate me very easily.

Just jotting this down, while in school. Have to dash for Lit lect in a bit.

Bloody hell. If there's one thing that I don't like, it's being locked out of class first thing in the morning. Especially when the first period is a lecture and my notes are in class. I do sit rather close to the windows, but I don't have abnormally long arms to reach my stuff (however, have I ever mentioned that my left ring finger is longer than my right?).

Added to that, my class chairman acted like he didn't care, when I asked him about it after assembly. Don't think he liked me interrupting his conversation with other fencers. Well, of course he didn't care; he had his notes with him.

But what I detest most of all is when the person holding the fucking key tag giggles when she discovers her mistake.

Urgh.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my classmates. They just exasperate me very easily.

Please excuse my previous post, I'm fine. Was just PMS-ing. That's what blogs're for, no?

Just got back from fencing, haven't fenced for a month, by estimation. In fact, I hardly fence at all in the first place. Now my fingers feel like they want to fall off because my hand is so strained. Good thing I'm using a french grip though, because a pistol grip would probably do worse. Couldn't write, when I first put down my blade. Write, as in do Econs MCQ while presiding other bouts. So my TYS has 15 point score matches all over the Labour Market section.

Started on the shadowrun main book some time back, muchly thanks to Wen and his gigantic portable hard drive. Got through the history bit of it, so have grasp of what setting is like. Now I know what Khayce ment by Snow Crash beng a very shadowrun book.

Can't quite get through the technicalities of the game though, am beggining to form habit of reading only fluff text. Must be all the fanfic reading I do online, articles in PDF aren't so much different. On the other hand, I've never really liked going through technical bits, it's easier to learn it when you actually play. Like science practical like that.

Went back to IJ this week, to get Angelina's camera from Jenny, for Project Work. The fact that I reognise nearly nobody anymore is more than just slightly alarming. The few that I did were band juniors, who have stepped down. Damned good to see them again. At least the teachers are mostly constant; I said hallo to Mr Chan. Oh hell, I miss my saxophone so much! But fencing is doing a fine job of a replacement, at least. Besides, I really am quite sick of performance arts, at the mo. But honestly, the feeling of walking through the place you've always thought of as your school, only to see strangers in that classic blue pinafoe...

Mailed Eldred. Suddenly I find out that he's got a blog. On friendster no less. And he's on bloody msn messenger too. Utterly contrary to the veiws that he shared with me, while he was still here. He's doing well, and that is always a good thing to know. Which is more than I can say for some of my friends here in CJ.

It's funny how you turn around for what seems like just a moment, only to be suprised at the very odd things that happened while you weren't looking.

Is it just me, or does it seem to rain alot on days when I have Geog lectures? Tuesdays and Thursdays. How odd. In any case, I've taken to bringing a heavy jeacket down to all lectures now, so that I don't keep freezing my ass off, or have my body wanting to shut down/start hibernating. I haven't the faintest idea where the jacket came from, I just found it in the spare cupboard one day. I know it sounds creepy but I think my sister chucked it there before she left. Keyword here being think.

I think I shall go dump my hand in ice water now, so that I can fence tmr. Oww.

THIS IS TOR

Do you know what else? At the Malaysian restaurants here, you can't have white chai dao kuei because they only have black chai dao kueh in Malaysia and they refuse to do a special one for me. Can life get any more miserable? Think about it. Can you imagine not having eaten white chai dao kueh for a year?

My obsession with proper, wholesome food is considered very strange here. And chai dao kueh is healthy compared to typical london food, which consists mainly of soggy sandwiches, greasy kebabs and MacDonald's. For some reason, the junk food here tastes a lot worse than in SG and the portions are also a lot smaller. (I tried a few fries in the name of research so that I can say I know what I'm talking about, despite my principled objection to MacDonald's.) Actually, most of the time people just don't eat. As in, they go to a pub straight after work for 'after work drinks', and then stumble home pissed at midnight (on a weekday). On weekends, dinner for most people my age means grabbing a burger while waiting in line to get into a club at 10:30pm. Before that, during the normal dinnertime hours (7-9+), everyone's at home or at another bar getting steadily more and more drunk, until they get thrown out of the bar and sober up in the cold night air. Then everyone stumbles around trying to find a club, perhaps stopping at an off-license to get more beer/alcopops in order to try and stay pissed while waiting in the queue to get in.

A weekend night in London is drunk people carousing around trying blearily to find a club 'they know is around here somewhere'. But don't get me wrong, I do go out, just to nice, non-sleazy places where one can have a drink with friends in relative comfort, hopefully without burning a hole in one's pocket. Urgh, I sound snobbish now. But what I really am trying to say is...

As I mentioned, no one actually has dinner properly here. My English friends are constantly amazed by the fact that I go to the supermarket and buy groceries like raw fish and meat, because it's usually pasta or microwave food for them. But then most of my classmates don't really live in London. They go home to their parents' houses in other parts of the country every few weekends and have proper food then (ie roast beef, meatloaf, typical ang moh food etc.). I, on the other hand, can't bloody go home whenever I want.

So I have to cook my own mee pok, laksa, etc. Did you know that a vital ingredient in mee pok is the pork lard? You know, the small crispy thing that no one eats because it is too fattening? Well, mee pok tastes like a pale shadow of itself when you don't cook it with that pork lard. And I can't bring myself to buy or make that because it is too fattening. Damn! Damned if I do, (cos it's fattening) and damned if I don't (cos it doesn't taste as nice).

People don't even have proper lunches! Everyone eats sandwiches at their desks and some may go out for a smoke and a coffee, but no one goes and sits down at a table and orders food. Since there aren't any hawker centres here, you can't do that without spending quite a lot of money at restaurants. And if you want a healthy option, there's only sushi, which costs quite a lot here (as it does in the rest of the world, even Japan. Except Union Square in New York though).

So to anyone who is thinking of studying/working abroad, I say, go to America! Go to Australia! Do not come to London/the UK. Because if you are a true Sgean, life will be quite miserable for you. Especially if you like white chai dao kueh.

I am very poor thing. Feeling very sorry for myself.

THIS IS TOR

From some angles, my bolster smells like chai dao kueh. I think I've been away too long. The other end of Bolbol smells like chui kueh.

The weather this morning suited my mood perfectly.

I stepped out of Geog lecture (Impacts of Rapid Population Growth in Developing Countries) and the sky was wonderfully overcast. I was just in time to catch that gorgeous pause, the almost audible sigh of the sky as it prepared to pour.

I want to stand on the roof, scream and shout and cry until there is nothing left of me, til the rain finally pounds that message home: you are nothing. You do not matter in the grand scheme of things.

what if what if what if

I have come to hate those words.

I feel blades eating into my flesh; spelling out that one letter I know so well, mine, all mine... and the blood runs in ruby rivulets down to stain my fair skin like ink on paper. Or maybe there is no blood? I am tired of thinking.

The lightning drowns out my rage but not the voices in my head that continue to argue and bicker and-

(Brought to you courtesy of my hormones, inferiority complex and that Unavoidable Thing Called Puberty)