I am not dead.

London was fantastic, Paris was even better (see previous posts for more details). I'd love to go there with a Certain Someone, one day. Haven't seen him for some time, and I quite miss him (I wasn't kidding about your display picture leh!).

Christmas was the usual affair, good company and even better food. Missed the fact that Tor can't be here to celebrate it with us, hope Leila's family was a good substitute. Also hoping she's not buying anything in bad taste at this year's boxing sales in London.

Random bit of trivia, it's cheaper to call home from London than Dubai. At least, that's what my bills said.

This year I sang carols (properly, not half-arsed mumbling) only at the Christmas mass. Am finding that there is greater pleasure in this, not to mention, better for my health, rather than the drilling every other day I used to have. Will go back to singing, one day. Probably in university, or something. *shrugs* That's what a traumatic 7 years does to you. Must have broken a mirrior when was younger.

But it was a good Christmas that wrapped up a terrific year. The new friends made (mostly the MI people), the lessons, whether good or bad (I usually label all of them as useful, even the Project Work ones where I had to rush reports for the next morning) and of course, the tons of life Experience Points earned.

Here's to a splendid 2005 and promising 2006 ahead.

Here is a reply from our father (the human one) in response to my email to him containing this post (with a few crucial points taken out of course).


Okay.

6) Mummy also wants to know your most recent VISA purchases/expenses. Mummy can't reconcile the latest items.

Oops.


7) Mummy wants both you and sister to:
a) sleep early
b) get up early
c) eat fruit
d) drink a lot of water
e) behave
d) don't fight
e) don't do anything that you need to ask for our permission
Daddy says: "Yah, sure".

My response was:

Daddy, I can't help it that Glor sleeps till noon when I'm at school.

Anyway what stuff do we have to ask for your permission for? According to mummy, it's 'step outside the house' or 'eat an extra square of chocolate'.

Here is a combined post brought to you by the letters G and T

Admiring the Paris skyline by night on the Pont des Arts:

Glor: Is that a light-house?
Tor: No, it's the Eiffel Tower.

Cool stuff Glor and Tor did down and out in London and Paris

1. Travelled on the metro and got into the Sacre Coeur half price and the Louvre for free. (By sheer cunning and intelligence!- Tor) Actually, the Louvre bit was 'cos it's free on Fidays after 6pm for under 26. (The metro and Sacre Coeur? Well, go figure.)

2. Accidentally discovered a place called Cafe Psycho, when wandering in Paris - it had notebooks masquerading as menus - that you could write in. Glor had the best hot chocolate of her life there. We chilled and lim-ded kopi facing the Jardin du Luxemborg.

3. Stumbled upon Shakespeare & Co. without even looking for it! Tor bought another Theroux there. It's the bookshop where Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy re-met in Before Sunset, a film which has informed Tor's personal philosophy ever since Tor first saw it.

4. Got chased out of the Louvre at night cos they were closing. So much nicer when it's deserted.

5. Spent an afternoon on the Rue Mouffetard in the Latin Quarter, and used many euros. It was a street lined by shops on both sides, infuriatingly, nothing was in English.-- Glor. Hello! It's France!-- Tor. Also it had the most romantic square Glor saw in Paris. The trees! The lights! The hobos!-- Tor. There were obligatory clumps of french students lim-ing kopi and plotting revolution.

6. We also witnessed a procession at night! Must have come from Notre Dame. It was headed by several alter boys and priests, with a bunch of people carrying a statue of Our Lady. The people followng that were all holding candles, singing and there was a van with a speaker on the top, with the lead priest's voice coming from it. Very cool, there must have been a few hundred people in the thing. The procession I mean, not the van. The priests looked like they were wearing lace table cloths.

7. Had chocolate fondue that burned at the bottom. Oops. It had seemed like a good idea at the time- Glor.

8. Discovered what a tarte au sucre is. It's a pastry with holes full of sugar! Yum-- Glor. Discovered what a triangle frangipane is- Tor. No, it's not a three sided flower, it's a sort of flaky, fragrant pastry. Mmmmmm. Miss Paris. Miss fruit tart wossname stuff-- Glor.

9. Almost got killed several times on account of looking in the wrong direction-- by which we mean the correct direction, of course.

10. Glor comes to the conclusion that Parisien boys are cuter than London boys. Tor wonders why Glor's hot guys all look 16.

11. Glor mistakes Eiffel tower for a lighthouse. What to do, it had a bright light coming from it, going in circles-- Glor.

12. We ice-skated at Somerset House! It's a grand old mansion on the strand that was beautifully lit with fairy lights and proper flaming torches edging the rink. We (almost) had mulled wine and mince pie. (I was carded and didn't have id. How strange)-- Tor. There was the biggest real christmas tree Glor's ever seen. Ice skating is actually really fun.

13. Glor got pissed, threw up and passed out. On a pint of cider.

Away from Tor's watchful gaze (when I was with her, Glor was all 'I hate alchohol, I don't drink man' etc, so I gave her a vodka mudshake, a drink I thought was suitably fun without being an alcopop... baby steps, remember? And she was alright. But then when I was at school, the first thing she did was get shit-faced and fall over.)

14. Glor made her first meal - pizza, with Ian. Tor: she just put the topping on top and bunged the whole thing into the oven. Wot? Glor: Woot.

15. Glor went to Camden market and saw lots of clothes she wanted there. Glor thinks goth lolita cosplayers would be very happy there. We went to cool shisha cafe and had moroccan spice tea.

16. Frequently had nice dinners in Soho, usually followed by coffee at an italian cafe that's got a hot waiter. Tor: Bar Italia, my friendly neighbourhood coffee place. And he's gay. It is Soho.

17. Tried out French laptop of Julien's at a party in King's Cross. Still not sure how to get the full stop out.

18. Glor's spent more than a total of 12 hours in various museums. Her favourite is the National Gallery at Trafalgar Square, though she thinks the Natural History museum is good too. Ogled many unfortunate pickled things in the Darwin centre there, like worms from whales' stomachs.

19. Glor got haircut in Soho by Tor's Japanese hairdresser. Looks muchly better now.

20. Saw Mary Poppins the musical! It was very good. *sings* Just a spoonful of sugar, helps the medicine go down~ It cost £25 each. Tor: ow.


The traffic in Paris is really crap. Number 1, they drive on the wrong side of the road. Number 2, there must be something wrong with the traffic lights there-- or maybe it's the cars. Whatever it is, the movement of the cars do not correspond in any way to the light signals.

Number 3, you've got to have balls, or 'avec la peche', to cross the street. (Literally-- to have a peach, don't ask about the spherical imagery) That is, you must ga ga lai and cheong! Once you hesitate, you are lost and will never actually be able to get to the other side.

Glor enjoyed the hostel we stayed at. I'll let her write about that. The only interesting thing that happened for me was that I was able to cross off one item on my list of things I should do while travelling: bring up the sheep-and-cow-fart tax in NZ in conversation with a kiwi. First off, you learn that it's a methane emissions tax. In my opinion, it doesn't matter what you call it, it's still a tax on cattle farts. As the rounds tot up though, we slowly discover that the problem was the grass the cows were eating. It was the wrong type of grass. So they started feeding them happy grass and the cows started asking for big macs.

It's a well-kept secret.

Posting from London! Leeching off sister's neighbour's wireless. Woot.

Alright, so I've been here 5 days. It's not bad really, but this is the viewpoint of a tourist. I'm sure my sister would say much different. Bloody cold over here too, though is nothing unsolvable by a good coat. Is good when you're on the streets alot, walking from place to place, as sister lives in middle of London and can walk practically everywhere. I have found that Trafalgar square pigeons are very slow and stupid; it's nice to chase them though there is the temptation to kick them too, they move that slowly.

Been to pretty much all the tourist spots, Big Ben was lit up at night, Soho has dodgy people, didn't understand much of the pieces at the Tate, and the London eye is fucking expensive to ride. Which is applicable to everything. People tell me that I should stop the mental money conversions as then I'lll not spend any money at all, really.

Wanted to catch Phantom or Mary Poppins this evening but like I said, is expensive. Ended up cooking pizza with Ian at my sister's place. Well, at least we caught Stomp.

Leaving for Paris tomorrow, hope is not very cold there. Have to go pack now.

Right, haven't had time to blog. Been busy playing World of Warcraft, trying to get to level 30 before the person who owns the account moves back to San Fran and starts playing in the hours that I can play too. 5 more levels to go! I've an undead fire mage, anyone on Icecrown pst me!

In any case, am leaving this Friday for London, to visit my sister. (I just msged you the details!) Hopefully I'll get back in one piece. Hope also to have lots of adventure and excitment and do some really froody things~!!11one

And not have my sister flunk her exams in the process.

I'll be bringing back lots of chocolate for people. Classmates, mostly. And both sides of the family, maybe for gaming crew also. Seems nice and general and safe and everyone likes chocolate really. Or fudge. Come on, you know you want it.

Speaking of classmates, haven't got time to mail cards this year, damn! Guess I'll do it next year. And not done with shopping yet either. Suppose I'll squeeze it in when I get back. Will meet up with people like Rosie and Amanda when I get back too. Also trying to figure out how to mail Tora's present when we get it. Oy, got no one going down this Christmas right, Tora?

So. Am alive and well, just haven't been blogging much.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Gloria
2. Glor/Gor
3. Groria

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Aargh~!
2. Ack.
3. "please insert angsty teenage quote here"

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hands
2. The shade of my skin
3. How easy it is to make people laugh

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My big nose with open pores that i can't seem to close no matter how much toner
2. Being careless
3. My ridged nails

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Singaporean
2. Catholic
3. Peranakan

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. The dark
2. Pulling too much aggro. Is bad for us mage cloth wearing types
3. Being forcibly introduced to really really hot guys. Like Terence's nephews, the Hang Ten twins. Well, one of them. I had to hide behind Gee, literally. Is convenient to have friends who weigh about 100 kg. And Terence is Evil.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Sleep
2. My glasses
3. Light

THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. My glasses
2. IJ shorts
3. Oversized crane tee-shirt I made Gee give me

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
2. I'm not that Girl - Wicked, the musical
3. Lullaby - the Cure

THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
2. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett (yeah, I got them both off you, Khayce. Will be bringing a couple to London, if you don't mind? Richard said it was ok. You'll get them back in the same condition.)
3. The Trinity main book, it's a White Wolf game.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Interesting conversation, being well-read would be a bonus here
2. The other party to make space for my game time
3. The other party to not think I'm an idiot

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can speak mandarin
2. I'm secretly still bi
3. People can't keep up with me in a crowd

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A nice smile
2. To be able to feel that funny groove on the back, at the backbone
3. Kissable lips

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Being left alone to read. Even in a noisy classroom, just don't talk to me. Students have to be able to do things like that.
2. Gaming
3. Running errands alone, so people don't slow me down

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. A dungeon. Maybe WC (since we went there by accident the other time) or SFK.
2. A manicure
3. Finish up Christmas shopping

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Physiotherapist
2. Tako pachi flipper (I hope you recognise that reference, Tora)
3. Geologist

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Egypt, to visit the pyramids
2. That 7 star hotel in Dubai
3. Where ever they're holding GenCon

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Calien
2. Jenny
3. Nicholas

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. Have sex
2. Have a go at the saxophone again
3. Be in a musical. That would be nice.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I game
2. I like having short hair, is fuss free
3. I hate wearing skirts

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I like window shopping
2. I like having my nails done
3. I scream at the sight of a cockroach

THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2. Erm, none really
3.

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. The guy who plays Cedric Diggory
3. The guy who plays Viktor Krum (yes, I recently saw GoF)

Tagg~
Jerrick
Tora
Bern
Rosie
Amanda

I just came from reading this post off KC's blog and just had to comment.

I'm surprised at how a lot of what Khayce says is not generally taken as self-evident. A lot of violence is about control rather than inflicting pain, in the same way rape is about power and not sex.

Here is an excerpt off the original post:

Those who know me would know that I never sympathise with women who are in abusive relationships. Of course I am speaking of women who choose to be in abusive relationships, who despite the fact that their spouses/boyfriends treat them like dirt, continue to remain in the relationship for whatever reason. I don't include in this list women who are in it by coercion, women who are in it due to blackmail (even these I wonder why doesn't she just go to the cops), etc. I am speaking specifically of girls who "like bad boys" and then cry buckets over a busted lip.

Now, there is a lot of unpacking to be done here. I am familiar with the type of phenomenon Hades refers to. Some girls do tend to be attracted to men who are less than fine, upstanding pillars of the community. I myself have been nursing a secret crush on someone I know is Not Good For Me, as readers of this blog may have noticed. But to imagine that this sometimes unfortunate tendency of women to go out with 'bad boys' to be the only reason why abused women stay in relationships is somewhat oversimplifying the issue.

I agree with many of the arguments raised by KC and so will not go over the most obvious ones again. (i.e. abusive partners do not necessary look like gangsters, it starts small... etc) Here is what I wrote in his comments page:

I agree that Hades' argument is somewhat flawed. It reveals a certain lack of understanding of human psychology. I went and posted a comment before I read the rest of your post, but didn't bring that point up. Instead I pointed out that the material circumstances surrounding the victim may be a deciding factor in whether to go or stay-- some women literally have no place else to go and could end up on the streets. Of course we could argue that there is no lack of organisations who dedicate themselves to the cause of supporting victims of domestic violence, but if we are to be realistic and look at the demographics, most abused (let's be honest) women aren't very educated and are from very poor backgrounds with little family support. To their minds these organisations may even end up taking sides with the abusive partner! Oh heck it, I'm gonna continue this on Glor's blog.

*I am aware that this last point (idea that authorities may side with abusive partner) may need some elaboration as it is not immediately obvious how this could be. However, I seriously can't be bothered. The literature is out there, this phenomenon is fairly well-documented and accepted, take it as you will.*

The physical conditions mentioned above, I would argue, are only a small albeit important part of the picture. Control isn't all physical. Sometimes, it doesn't even need to be consciously exerted. Violence is one tool for the exercise of control. Threats do not have to be physical. Control doesn't even have to emanate from a person, it may be self-imposed. Consider the sometimes oppressive feeling in our very own society that we have no choice to do well in school, to do well at work, to frame our interests in a way that is acceptable to general society. (On a side note, I'd just like to point out that 'rebelling' against something and declaring yourself 'wierd' and 'alternative' reaffirms the thing against which one rebels in the first place). Of course I speak of societal pressures, but no one is consciously going around telling people what they can or cannot do; the pressure is systemic. I use the word 'control' here loosely, to indicate the forces by which a person's choices may be circumscribed.

Take this down to the micro-level of family. I would go so far as to argue that the psychological aspects of control, which are more insidious and also more widespread, are the major cause of abused women staying in destructive relationships. Khayce has eloquently made the point (in fewer words than I, sadly for me) that it starts small, and before you know it, you don't actually have a support network. Those of us who have been in long term relationships know how easy it is to put our partners first, especially if said partners appear to need/want support. Just think of this common scenario: man says I love you, can't live without you, you are the only one who understands me and all that I have. Soon, all your attention and energy goes toward making this person happy. There is a term for this in pop-psych circles: emotional vampirism. After you have invested so much into a relationship, it is difficult to give it all up. Being able to 'take someone for granted' is in fact a measure of control. Obviously, having very happy times and great make-up sex in between only compounds this difficulty.

Hey, don't knock it. It may seem very evident to us what's going on in such relationships, but to those involved, it might appear part of the 'ups and downs' that all couples go through. After all, what strengthens a relationship more than a little drama? In truth, sometimes the martyred feeling one gets on seeing your partner through a difficult patch gives us the impression(illusion?) that one is being a good and loyal girlfriend/boyfriend. Hands up those who've been told, 'she's making use of you!' who've said, 'no lah, I'm just being a good *fill in blank* to her'. What do I say? Control.

Hades would probably argue, fair enough that emotional manipulation on the part of abusive partners may be why their victims stick around, but when it starts getting physical, surely it is time ot leave? I agree. I think most sensible women would have a strong enough sense of self-preservation to leave. To some extent it is the woman's own fault if she stubbornly refuses to listen to her friends and family and refuses to open her eyes to the true situation. But we have to acknowledge that there are many other factors at play here, including the possible presence of kids and ther material exigencies.

Arguably, being subject to psychological violence short of physcial violence may be even more damaging on a woman's psyche than being hit all the time. The constant threat of something can be more terrifying than the actual thing happening. Living in a city which is collectively holding its breath in constant preparation for a terrorist attack teaches you that most violence occurs in the realm of the mind.

Have you read of instances where women actually fall in love with their rapists? That's a totally different point but the idea is the same-- it's all in the mind and sometimes completely irrational. One other thing to take away from this discussion is that there should be no value-judgment when dealing with such strange phenomenon. Maybe this is a wishy-washy GP-type view that I'm advocating (or maybe just cos I'm a girl), but I truly think that allocating blame is seriously counter-productive. I know we can't help it because that's just the way we think; there's lots of research to show that polemic discourse is the norm in most cultures, but there are people at stake here, and the way out is to seek to understand, not to condemn.

Wah lau. I think I have reminded myself why I don't blog anymore. Takes too damn long man. Now I have to rush for dinner and tango class. Few disclaimers before I go out of sheer habit: any references to gender should be taken to refer to members of either/both sex. Statements should be read in context of earlier discussions on this theme (linked above).

Here I am again, frantically wasting time. I've got a late assignment that I haven't started and a few pieces of work tomorrow. AT this rate I'll have to skip my tango class. (Noooo!Do work after this, promise.)

THIS IS TOR. Glor, btw, how do you do a heading on top of each post?

I feel like this is such a cop out, being so uncreative and just doing memes/quizzes rather than posting a finely-crafted blog entry like the ones I like to read: *plug!*www.pinkerskies.blogspot.com and www.purpleslug.blogspot.com* for a limited time only. More stuff to be found there that's more elegantly written than I have the time to/can manage.

So here goes, since purpleslug tagged me (and I don't even have a blog wah lau)

BTW IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT ON THIS IS TOR. (So clumsy, so clumsy, but what to do?)

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Toeya
2. TOR
3. Aziraphale

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Israphale
2. TOR
3. the dirty ho (yes yes, in a situation where there was more than 1) (ok enough already) (no, I'm not going to tell you where)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair
2. My eyes
3. The roll of fat around my tummy which I knead and squish-- it's strangely comforting and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost that fat.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My big nose with open pores that i can't seem to close no matter how much toner
2. My roll of fat
3. My total klutziness. It's really annoying. I'd like to be graceful but looks like none of my genes are primed for that.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Singaporean
2. catholic
3. how i find the post-colonialist discourse intuitive

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. cockroaches
2. getting burgled again and possibly getting hurt
3. Ju On

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. water
2. bolbol
3. something interesting to think about

THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. jeans, black sleeveless T
2. suede boots
3. black fake leather jacket

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Goodnight Moon, Shivaree
2. Staple it together, Jack Johnson
There's a line from this song that I really like, 'He stabbed a moment in the back/
With a brown thumb tack/ That held up the list of things he gotta do'
3. Por una cabeza, from the Scent of a Woman OST

THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus
2. Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl, Tracy Quan
3. Labyrinths, Jorge Luis Borges

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. sex
2. lots and lots of anticipation for the sex
3. destructive mind games
Does it seem obvious to anyone yet that I don't want a relationship right now?

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can speak mandarin
2. I like equivocating
3. I'm so bad at lying

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes, yes cliched, but really, what do you expect? plus relatively pleasant features obviously
2. nice broad, strong set of shoulders
3. good hair, right hair for look. I've been so frustrated with James' hair or lack thereof that I've decided to make this a criterion. I am not dating any guys with the wrong hair. sorry.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. enjoying bolbol
2. destructive mind games
3. wandering around doing nothing in particular

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Do all my homework before 7pm
2. Go to my tango class (it's very therapeutic)
3. have a drink

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. writer/journalist (haven't we all?)
2. doctor/brain surgeon
3. high class call girl (but haven't got what it takes lah. who'd be willing to spend £1000 for a night with me? wah lau)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. This is an impossible category, but ok, top is NY, again.
2. Barcelona (really can't believe I still haven't been)
3. Vienna, but not before I'm ready

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. I really don't like kids. Ok, at best I'm indifferent. But here goes, Prudence,
2. Hope
3. Strawberry

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. go cow-pushing. ask the nearest aussie what this means
2. dance a really good tango with someone I really like
3. just one last go on the stage-- a swansong

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I flirt with girls
2. I am quite insensitive
3. I don't really give a damn

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I like skirts and nice heels
2. I would NEVER EVER shave my head-- too vain
3. I actually like flowers

THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2.Aiyah, same answer as purpleslug
3.

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. Brad Pitt (ok, sorry, sorry)
3. Tom Cruise (ok, sorry sorry, very old school I know, but classic lah) (anyway my Boy looked a bit like him-- haha, why is it not surprising that he was a player?)

I tag
Nanashee
Glor
I'm not interested in anyone else's and I won't ask almostinfamous cos he's prolly too busy

More later, I suppose I should do a proper post then.

TOR HERE

Well, that's that and it's all one. Spent most of these couple of weeks dealing with James who keeps wanting to make up and carry on, but the echoing phrase, 'Too little too late' says it all.

In other news, the most interesting thing happened yesterday. First, David Blunkett resigned, then, I met a theatre director while having coffee at my usual coffee place who was looking for a girl with an authentic Sgean/Malaysian accent for his upcoming play! Haha! How cool is that? He invited me to audition in two weeks' time.

It's not a big part or whatever but I'm jumping at the chance to speak singlish on stage in london! How cool would that be?! The funny thing is when I was chatting to him he couldn't tell where I was from but when I said I was from SG he said, oh, do you know anyone who speaks Singlish? I gave him a queer look, as one does, and said, hello? Me! And said the most SGean thing I could think of, 'wah lau, you think what?', and he roared!

Funny hor?

Glad you're enjoying yourself Glor. I'm still feeling flat post-breakup and post-go-insane mode. Not having my passport is a bit of a chore too, I'm visiting people in the UK instead since I can't leave the country. Hopefully I will have it back again by the time you get here. I might be able to wrangle us a space on Florian's floor in Munich and we can chou re nao at the famous Christmas market, or we can be romantic together in wintry Paris. I think I will have to invite myself to a friend's house for Christmas (so sad right?) cos I just can't stand the thought of spending it just smashed out of my brain in london (cos that's really the only thing you can do in london for christmas). Not being home for christmas is really sad.

God damn it! Mirrormask is screened here December 8, when I'm in London! Only on 2 screens, at that! (information courtesy of Gaiman's blog) Damn this!! I really don't want to resort to looking for the torrent, it's the sort of thing you'd want to catch on the big screen, after all. Damn and blast it!!

It's not just this I'll be missing. 3 weeks of Ars Magica plus the year end cosplay as well. And I -was- so looking forward to seeing new/old faces at cosplay too... And what if the World of Warcraft Burning Crusade is out by then?!

Then again, even if someone gave me a free WoW account, it wouldn't make things better.

Aargh! I'm going to miss Mirrormask!!!

(15 minutes later)

Oh. It's showing -from- the 8th to the 31st. So I can watch it after all~!!!11oneone

And all is right within the world.

The hols have started! On with the busy festive months! I love the feeling of -doing- things. Like runnng errands or Christmas shopping in town, where there are people everywhere and you're just zipping from place to place, working through the crowd like a Kender.

A whirl of bags and stream of phone calls... left, right, and a left again, to the underpass then waltzing out into the sunlight and weaving past a gaggle of teenagers, a family with a crying child, past the lovers sharing an ice cream...

I love this Christmas, not having to worry about taking care of my voice or the over packed scheduele.

Been in town alot recently, due to sick aunt staying at Mount E. Strolling through the streets arm in arm with my younger cousin Peter this evening. Got a balloon off his younger sister. Is bobbing on my finger as I type right now! The giant Taka tree is out, decor soon to come.

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed...

I'm starting to remember why I loved Christmas as a child...

Am through to next year! By the skin of my teeth, so have to continue mugging. Somebody kill me please!

I like Econs. Really, I do. And I'm not just saying this because Wen might read this journal either. But, it's just so damned difficult to do. So I've to go for more tuition this holiday. On the bright side, Wen was nice about me failing. Wen's the best tuition teacher ever~!

So like that lah. Think I've to bring homework over to London. Bleah.

Rumours say that Mirrormask was going to be brought to Singapore, but haven't seen publicity for it yet. Judging by the response to Gaiman's trip here, they should recognise that there is a market to be exploited. I -do- hope that it eventually gets here. Keyword here being eventually.

Did you know that the director for Brothers Grmm did The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (if that's how you spell it)? I loved that movie. Never seen the DVD around though. The scene where the baron took rope from the top of the rope they were climbing down of, will never cease to amuse me.

You ah. I'm worried about you leh. Don't be depressed ok? I'll come and pester you in a few months, then you'll be too embarrased to be seen with your scruffy teenaged sister to be lonely. *hugg~

Oh, by the way. Got this off LiveJournal (I do have an account there you know).

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

(Feel free to repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.)

TOR AGAIN!

Argh! Forgot to say that I've got the LAST ticket for Mirrormask on the 1st of Nov. I can hardly believe it myself. I knew it was coming with the London Film Festival and was just talking about booking tickets, but forgot. So this morning I woke up bright and early, went down to leicester square, and tried to get tickets for all the other shows I want to watch too.

'Ok, the most important is Mirrormask', I said. 'Oops, sold out.' 'What?! No. You're kidding me. Please be kidding me.' 'Wait I'll check. Oh... there's one left.'

'I'll take it!'

So now Mirrormask is all sold out, 1 and 1/2 weeks before it is due to show. Cost me £10. I'm also gonna see is Everything is Illuminated and the Brothers Grimm. Will report back on how it goes.

THIS IS TOR

I maintain that a little bit of navel-gazing now and then, the occassional bout of introspection, is healthy, even necessary, in a well-adjusted person. As a wise man once said, there's nothing wrong with being self-absorbed if you are interesting enough to justify it.

So it comes to pass that at some point in the lifetimes of every girl who is sufficiently self-aware, this question must be asked: which character am I in Sex and the City?

The other day five such individuals were making merry in a Holborn pub after a hard day's work. That entailed serious discussions on topics ranging from the most interesting place we've ever had sex in, to the nature of our desire to be like, or to live the lives of, television characters.

The answer to the first was a draw between 'under a weeping willow in a Montreal garden' and 'the backseat of a car on the Brighton sea front'. The answer to the other was slightly tricker.

Nick pointed out that for the boys, it was in fact not one question but two. Which girl would you like to be with, versus which girl you would eventually end up with. Unsurprisingly, they plumped for a night with Samantha but a lifetime with Carrie.

However, the girls as one said, 'Miranda'. Generally considered by men to be the least conventionally attractive of the group, yet the most intelligent and career-oriented, we identified with her the most.

But something struck me and I turned to nick-- girls have two levels also. Everyone wants to be Carrie but we can't say that that's who we are in case guys take one look at us and go, 'huh'. We all want to be pretty and fun, carefree and creative, effortlessly stylish and intelligent and strong.

But the bunch of us here, we've sold out. We don't dare say we're pretty and fun. We may say we're reasonably attractive (as indeed that's what I think of myself), and good conversationalists, but pretty and fun? No. We set store by our intellect, our ambition, our independence, our mannish qualities. Our confidence does not derive from our looks. We do not practise the art of the smile and glance, play the coquette, ask for lights for our cigarettes. We are to be men's colleagues, first, and their love interests second. They must know us for what we do, then, who we are. 'Carefree and creative' are not words to describe the image of the City lawyer we will all be. We're afraid to be Carrie. We might've been, once, or could be, in the future, but that is not who we are.

So he shakes his head, "ah! the fatalism of the young!" Why trap yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy? I could hardly bear to tell him that this is all we know.

THIS IS TOR

Many thanks for all the birthday greetings!

Oh! I cringe when I read my BolBol poem. It really is quite personal, isn't it? I'm not sure if it is appropriate to exhibit my dysfunction so openly. Anyway, I feel okay now after having had a very good birthday. I think breaking up with him may have been the best thing I've done all year (well, actually, no, the best was going to new york for free) because, cliched as it is, it has made me realise who my friends are etc etc. You see, my problem is that I am a serial monogamist and I've never really had to depend on my friends just cos the next guy has always been waiting to catch me. Now, there is no next guy!

Or to put it differently, there are a variety of possible next guys to choose from. *rubbing hands in evil anticipation*

I was very pleased to receive calls from some friends in SG in the morning so I feel loved now. And I had a really lovely time at drinks, and dinner and the club later with my hot friend Leila who always gets guys to buy her drinks (and me by proxy, haha! suckers!) I looked around the dinner table and thought, damn! my friends are cool. And then proceeded to slide gently and slowly into inebriation. Am pleased about prezzies too. (Ok, now starting to sound a little like a 12 year old, but I'm still hungover, bear with me) For the first time in my life, I got 2 dozen roses! And nice books and CDs, and Flor gave me a pot of purple flowers for mky windowsill too.

So that was tuesday. On wednesday I went out with my class as it was another girl's birthday on monday, and mine was tuesday so we decided to combine it and make a night out of it. The class bought us a cake and when it came out, the waiters threw pizza dough all over us. It must be some kind of strange italian tradition, but by then I really was more interested in the flaming shots of sambuca everyone was suddenly thrusting at me. I looked around the dinner table and thought, damn! I like my classmates. They are cool. Good conversation, good wine, good food (for london, and for the price)... what more could you ask for for a good night out?

Actually, it looks like it might happen all over again, as I'm meeting the LSE Jessup crowd tonight, I'm helping out with selection and Jim's gone and told everyone that it's my birthday so they're gearing up for a big night out. I don't know how much more of this I can take, I haven't done any work whatsoever this week and am trying to cram in an hour's work for tomorrow's assignment which I have to hand in.

*looks at tagboard* Many thanks, Grace.

Happy Birthday, my dear sister! Hope you got the mail we sent. It's in 2 parts, remember ok? Oh, so you don't have a boyfriend that goes 'super cool hawker food ' anymore. Play the field man. And you'll have to cook for me, when I'm there!

To cheer you up, there is always Bolbol! Plus the poem you wrote for it is still lying around the house...

Ode To Bolbol

Happiness is a warm bolster smelling like youself
With Bolbol to squeeze sleep is joy itself
The nice mushy inside all squishy and snug
The softness of Bolbol yielding to a hug

Anytime anywhere a bolster is good
'cos smelling Bolbol is happy food
I doesn't matter what's inside it
Even though it's dustmite corpses and shit

'cos they're vacummed out by the $3000 machine
And think of how clean Bolbol's been
Since the bol case was changed last year
So there's really nothing to fear.

From the thing that brings happiness to me
The nicest bolster all the world can see.

THIS IS TOR

I am newly single. For the first time in years. Weeerrgh! Although it is a bit lonely and sad in my house now, with no one to cook for, I think it was the right decision for the Long Run. Seeing people my age getting married (1 girl in my class came straight from her honeymoon for start of term and the guy who sits opposite me is getting hitched in March in a castle in Austria. woah.) has totally scared the shit out of me. James is 30. Do I want to marry him? No. Has he asked me? No, but it's only a matter of time and we'd been together 2 years already.

So it was time to take stock of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. He wanted to go home. I have to stay here. He basically wanted to settle down. And I've spent a loooong time in stable relationships. And I was getting very tired of having to be with somebody who isn't really there, who hates the place he's in, who spouts vitriol about the people he is surrounded by. In new age terms, it was just too much negative energy. So that's that. Until something interesting happens in my love life-- well, actually, until I'm ready for something interesting to happen-- it's gonna be solitary evenings, strictly me-time, cooking for my friends or crazy partying.

Oh my lord, I just woke up. That must have been some kind of sleep of the dead one gets after the exams, or something. Didn't bother going for the post exam activities the school thoughtfully organised for us, simply because I think I would have dropped dead from bordem or exhaustion or maybe both. I don't like sports that make you run around alot, no.

Do feel bad for not turning up to get my fencing jacket off Cephas, my fencing captain. Heh, always have this urge to call him buchou, really. Have this vague impression that he called this morning to ask where I was. I hope I apologised. Don't you hate asnwering the phone in your sleep and having conversations you aren't quite aware of?

Fencing. I know I just said that I don't like sports, but I figured it would be a cool thing to join. A bit of a change from performance arts. I've just realised that I'm afraid to commit. That's why I'm so slack about it, something that was almost unheard of with choir and band.

I'm tired of putting in so much blood and sweat but not getting much in return. I mean look, the greatest achievement I had in band was singing for the last concert. And in choir I never really ment much to them. Doesn't mean I didn't have any fun singing or playing though. It simply stopped being about the music somewhere along the way, and started being a duty, more than anythig else. I wanted to progress, but that wasn't happening much. I sound like a snob, but I'm simply stating my feelings. Thinking about how static the choir was just serves to make me annoyed. For both, we'd get scoldings all the bloody time.

But here in fencing... you fence only for yourself. It's not a group thing anymore, where you work together to sound good. It doesn't matter when you've got a different style or anything like that. I keep on forgetting that this is a sport, anything that matters to you, only matters to you. I used to get pissed off when someone couldn't hit that god easy note, but that doesn't happen here.

Besides, the people in fencing actually love doing it, they're not here because of friends or anything. It's not a duty to them. So much so that I was the only person left at the booth during Open House, everyone else was all over the place having bouts. I guess I'm the only person who wants to tell others how fun fencing really is. I do give a damn about it, you know.

Time to get back on the horse.

Aargh aargh
last paper tommorow
is
more econs
want to catch
up on reading and
random people and
gaming! Oh!
need to burn 10 GB
worth of data to
clear space
like
my
brain

In middle of exam marathon. Not including National Education, we've got 4 papers to go, ending next Wednesday. Alright, a week more then.

Don't even know why they make us take the stupid NE exam anyway, at least put it in a decent timeslot and not in the middle of the afternoon lunch-ish sort of time larh. I know people have exams in the morning before that but it just serves to make them irritated, no? NE preventing them from going off, and all that. On the bright side, at least people like me who don't have exams that morning can sleep in. But really, it doesn't even matter when we fail the thing.

I can't help but think that it would be better for us to have nice breaks between our papers, so that we've got more time to study, instead of freaking out by the fact that we've got papers one after another. Ach, I suppose it's better than those in poly, I hear they have projects due all the freaking time, even if they don't have exams. I'd rather do exams really, especially when I know what I'm talking about.

I've just come to a conclusion; I learn most during lectures, like when we're under pressure to have to understand why exactly a monopoly makes so much money. I need to invest in a tape recorder, as Khayce suggested. That's why I couldn't do the Long Day's Journey essay properly today, I'd missed a couple of important lectures. I am quite hating myself for that, so I've got to be more selective about ponning school now.

And, I've only just noticed, after doing more than 10 years worth of exams, that I silently read what I write. With a start I'd realised that my lips were moving while I was talking about Huxley's use of irony. Bloody hell, I'm even doing it now. Wonder why I'd never noticed before.

Like that larh. Need to go do geog now.

I am that child who loved wandering outside in the estate, parents mad with worry. I am that child who hated the gate when it was locked, or when the stairs were barred, with my sister on the other side making fun of me (yes, I still remember that).

I am the sister who will never be as good as you are. I am that sister whom you have shaped in so many ways, more than you know, who misses you very much too.

I am the reason you continue to work, not letting you retire early. I am that daughter who sees you coming back late everyday, and listens to your conversations about work over dinner.

I am the granddaughter who never appreciated you until you were gone.

I am that student who has spent 10 good years in a convent, the blue pinafoe marking me for life, even if I don't wear it anymore.

I am the band member who would sing with you during sectionals, instead of play the saxophone. I am the same who left the school having that as an achievement.

I am the choir member who quit because she couldn't stand the weekly scoldings, who realised that she could be doing other more productive things with her saturday afternoons and holidays.

I am that singer who let her voice go down the drain.

I am that friend who constantly worries about you. I am that friend who will constantly pimp books/musicals/anime/gaming to you. I am that friend who will give you shelter if you ever run away from home. I am that friend who will listen, if you need it.

I am your ina roel.

I am that classmate who needs to re-roll her charisma.

I am the girl who will always have a crush on you, that girl who woke up crying when you went away.

I am that teenager who will always bear that grudge against you.

I am a young woman who doesn't know what to do with the rest of her life. I am that girl who wants to grow up to be an adventurer.

I am wondering what next life will throw at me.

OK TOR AGAIN

Yay! Am freeriding on someone else's wireless at home so I have internet! I now have a nice new laptop and have installed msn! I have just re-connected into the world of the virtually living. I shall be adding everyone slowly to my new msn. The old one diededed on me years ago. Since my computer won't let me post my homework on my school's web discussion board thingie for some reason, I might as well do this quiz, using my new-found internet source. And since it caters so appealingly to the self-absorbed (i.e. me, although less so now than when khayce first brought this fact about myself to my attention-- see, am doing it again).

Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn.

1. The nicest thing in my house is my bolster, named BolBol.
2. The nicest thing about my house is that it is in Covent Garden.
3. I once wrote a poem dedicated to BolBol.
4. My sister's bolster used to be called Ster Ster. Wait, that isn't about me. I used to make my sister say that my bolster is nice. That's better.
5. More than one person has said that I look like Daniel Chan.
6. I am self-absorbed enough to think that people will find a list like this interesting.
7. I like the colour tan more than the colour red now.
8. I go to a Japanese hair stylist and have funky Jap hair that looks like a mushroom.
9. I actually enjoy reading The Economist.
10. Reading The Economist makes me feel smart.
11. I am now so fat now that my aunt could not spot me in my graduation photo with my friends.
12. I now cycle every day for half an hour while reading The Economist so that I can feel fit AND smart.
13. I now do not eat any carbohydrates after 5pm.
14. I have just discovered Paul Theroux and am spending way too much money on his books, particularly his travel writing.
15. I once got picked up at the County Hall gallery by this guy who saw me clutching a Theroux novel. He worked for the Foreign Office and spoke chinese. Obviously I had to decline his invitation to dinner since I am attached. (Damn! there went a free dinner)
16. My boyfriend has logged over 400 dives (scuba). I have done about 20.
17. I still hang out with my dive instructor who is from Malta but works in London now. (As an accountant, not a dive instructor)
18. I don't drink beer anymore, unless it is Ninkeberry, which is mango-and-passionfruit flavoured beer.
19. I miss watching Glor's anime.
20. I miss Glor.

Can everyone Glor tagged link back here so we can all see what they wrote?

Don't know why, but I got tagged for this twice, so I guess it mean that I'd better do it...

Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn.

1. I think I may be beginning to like red more than black.
2. But I still like black anyway.
3. I actually -do- like my classmates. Really.
4. I still think my older sister is 19, so I've got to add the years up when people ask me how old she is.
5. I like liquorice, and it's damned difficult to find good liquorice here.
6. Stupid people make me laugh. That would include the blur tourists one often sees in town.
7. I am beggining to be quite enthusiastic about wuxia films.
8. My father likes long distance running.
9. He also happens to have a degree in both philosophy and literature.
10. So does my mum. But she graduated at a chinese university so she knows all about confucious.
11. But I really -don't- know why I speak the way I do, or where it came from.
12. I can play the saxophone. And I rather miss it.
13. I'd like to think that I can/could sing.
14. I'm frustrated by the fact that no one seems to have heard of the korean manwha, Priest.
15. My left ring finger is longer than my right. Seriously!
16. The surface of my nails are ridged, so on the occasion of a manicure, the lady has to file them down.
17. I like pretty dice. Especially the runic d10 and the blue blood scarab set on dicepool.com
18. My favourite character so far isn't my Ars Magica magus, but the V:tM Daughter of Cacophony.
19. I think that anime and manga are underrated, by the general public. And I like to argue with them on that. Even if you really -do- have some nonsense stuff out there.
20. I'm so fair that sometimes under the sun, I burn when walking from place to place.

9 minutes. Tagg~!
Jerrick
Victoria
Rosie
Khayce
Ed
Jenny
Amanda
Tsu
Dawn

THIS IS TOR

I know how you feel about people like The Girl Who Giggled. Thankfully, I am no longer surrounded by such numbskulls, and/or can move away slowly and carefully if I ever find myself their midst. Although I did meet a very interesting girl at a business course we had to go for in Manchester. Didn't get to see the city at all (except a little bit of the Uni campus) but I had a luxurious room all to myself with a TV and ironing board! *gasp* It's funny how your standards get lowered, staying in UK hotels.

So, this girl.

'Howdy!' she said as I entered the room for our little groupwork session thingie. This greeting seemed strange as she was obviously very posh. It could have been her confused effort to connect with the common people such as myself. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she had got her countries mixed up. What else could I say but 'er, hello?'.

'Is it just you?' she replied.

I didn't know, there were meant to be 6 of us but apparently many people had had a rather heavy night the night before and hadn't actually got up that afternoon.

After a pause she said, 'So, what's your background then?'. I forgot to mention that this girl looks like the queen (perhaps a younger version) and was wearing tweed. I didn't know if I was meant to say that I was from the Bishan branch of the Ho family involved in middle class pursuits (I'm afraid), or just that I was from SG.

'No,no!' she said, 'I meant, which university are you from?'

So I detailed my educational pedigree.

'Are you at Oxford next year then?' she was referring to the LPC year that everyone has to do in order to sit their bar exam. We can do this in Nottingham, Oxford, or London.

'No, I'll be in London,' I told her.

'Jolly good.'

Absolute and awkward silence.

Luckily people started coming in and having conversations about houses in the country, and the people who knew the other people in the room, so I could relax. But the majority of my future colleagues are nice or at least ok, from what I've experienced. There are one or two that are just not on the same planet though, for example, one girl is on planet Paris Hilton.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my future colleagues, they just exasperate me very easily.

Just jotting this down, while in school. Have to dash for Lit lect in a bit.

Bloody hell. If there's one thing that I don't like, it's being locked out of class first thing in the morning. Especially when the first period is a lecture and my notes are in class. I do sit rather close to the windows, but I don't have abnormally long arms to reach my stuff (however, have I ever mentioned that my left ring finger is longer than my right?).

Added to that, my class chairman acted like he didn't care, when I asked him about it after assembly. Don't think he liked me interrupting his conversation with other fencers. Well, of course he didn't care; he had his notes with him.

But what I detest most of all is when the person holding the fucking key tag giggles when she discovers her mistake.

Urgh.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my classmates. They just exasperate me very easily.

Please excuse my previous post, I'm fine. Was just PMS-ing. That's what blogs're for, no?

Just got back from fencing, haven't fenced for a month, by estimation. In fact, I hardly fence at all in the first place. Now my fingers feel like they want to fall off because my hand is so strained. Good thing I'm using a french grip though, because a pistol grip would probably do worse. Couldn't write, when I first put down my blade. Write, as in do Econs MCQ while presiding other bouts. So my TYS has 15 point score matches all over the Labour Market section.

Started on the shadowrun main book some time back, muchly thanks to Wen and his gigantic portable hard drive. Got through the history bit of it, so have grasp of what setting is like. Now I know what Khayce ment by Snow Crash beng a very shadowrun book.

Can't quite get through the technicalities of the game though, am beggining to form habit of reading only fluff text. Must be all the fanfic reading I do online, articles in PDF aren't so much different. On the other hand, I've never really liked going through technical bits, it's easier to learn it when you actually play. Like science practical like that.

Went back to IJ this week, to get Angelina's camera from Jenny, for Project Work. The fact that I reognise nearly nobody anymore is more than just slightly alarming. The few that I did were band juniors, who have stepped down. Damned good to see them again. At least the teachers are mostly constant; I said hallo to Mr Chan. Oh hell, I miss my saxophone so much! But fencing is doing a fine job of a replacement, at least. Besides, I really am quite sick of performance arts, at the mo. But honestly, the feeling of walking through the place you've always thought of as your school, only to see strangers in that classic blue pinafoe...

Mailed Eldred. Suddenly I find out that he's got a blog. On friendster no less. And he's on bloody msn messenger too. Utterly contrary to the veiws that he shared with me, while he was still here. He's doing well, and that is always a good thing to know. Which is more than I can say for some of my friends here in CJ.

It's funny how you turn around for what seems like just a moment, only to be suprised at the very odd things that happened while you weren't looking.

Is it just me, or does it seem to rain alot on days when I have Geog lectures? Tuesdays and Thursdays. How odd. In any case, I've taken to bringing a heavy jeacket down to all lectures now, so that I don't keep freezing my ass off, or have my body wanting to shut down/start hibernating. I haven't the faintest idea where the jacket came from, I just found it in the spare cupboard one day. I know it sounds creepy but I think my sister chucked it there before she left. Keyword here being think.

I think I shall go dump my hand in ice water now, so that I can fence tmr. Oww.

THIS IS TOR

Do you know what else? At the Malaysian restaurants here, you can't have white chai dao kuei because they only have black chai dao kueh in Malaysia and they refuse to do a special one for me. Can life get any more miserable? Think about it. Can you imagine not having eaten white chai dao kueh for a year?

My obsession with proper, wholesome food is considered very strange here. And chai dao kueh is healthy compared to typical london food, which consists mainly of soggy sandwiches, greasy kebabs and MacDonald's. For some reason, the junk food here tastes a lot worse than in SG and the portions are also a lot smaller. (I tried a few fries in the name of research so that I can say I know what I'm talking about, despite my principled objection to MacDonald's.) Actually, most of the time people just don't eat. As in, they go to a pub straight after work for 'after work drinks', and then stumble home pissed at midnight (on a weekday). On weekends, dinner for most people my age means grabbing a burger while waiting in line to get into a club at 10:30pm. Before that, during the normal dinnertime hours (7-9+), everyone's at home or at another bar getting steadily more and more drunk, until they get thrown out of the bar and sober up in the cold night air. Then everyone stumbles around trying to find a club, perhaps stopping at an off-license to get more beer/alcopops in order to try and stay pissed while waiting in the queue to get in.

A weekend night in London is drunk people carousing around trying blearily to find a club 'they know is around here somewhere'. But don't get me wrong, I do go out, just to nice, non-sleazy places where one can have a drink with friends in relative comfort, hopefully without burning a hole in one's pocket. Urgh, I sound snobbish now. But what I really am trying to say is...

As I mentioned, no one actually has dinner properly here. My English friends are constantly amazed by the fact that I go to the supermarket and buy groceries like raw fish and meat, because it's usually pasta or microwave food for them. But then most of my classmates don't really live in London. They go home to their parents' houses in other parts of the country every few weekends and have proper food then (ie roast beef, meatloaf, typical ang moh food etc.). I, on the other hand, can't bloody go home whenever I want.

So I have to cook my own mee pok, laksa, etc. Did you know that a vital ingredient in mee pok is the pork lard? You know, the small crispy thing that no one eats because it is too fattening? Well, mee pok tastes like a pale shadow of itself when you don't cook it with that pork lard. And I can't bring myself to buy or make that because it is too fattening. Damn! Damned if I do, (cos it's fattening) and damned if I don't (cos it doesn't taste as nice).

People don't even have proper lunches! Everyone eats sandwiches at their desks and some may go out for a smoke and a coffee, but no one goes and sits down at a table and orders food. Since there aren't any hawker centres here, you can't do that without spending quite a lot of money at restaurants. And if you want a healthy option, there's only sushi, which costs quite a lot here (as it does in the rest of the world, even Japan. Except Union Square in New York though).

So to anyone who is thinking of studying/working abroad, I say, go to America! Go to Australia! Do not come to London/the UK. Because if you are a true Sgean, life will be quite miserable for you. Especially if you like white chai dao kueh.

I am very poor thing. Feeling very sorry for myself.

THIS IS TOR

From some angles, my bolster smells like chai dao kueh. I think I've been away too long. The other end of Bolbol smells like chui kueh.

The weather this morning suited my mood perfectly.

I stepped out of Geog lecture (Impacts of Rapid Population Growth in Developing Countries) and the sky was wonderfully overcast. I was just in time to catch that gorgeous pause, the almost audible sigh of the sky as it prepared to pour.

I want to stand on the roof, scream and shout and cry until there is nothing left of me, til the rain finally pounds that message home: you are nothing. You do not matter in the grand scheme of things.

what if what if what if

I have come to hate those words.

I feel blades eating into my flesh; spelling out that one letter I know so well, mine, all mine... and the blood runs in ruby rivulets down to stain my fair skin like ink on paper. Or maybe there is no blood? I am tired of thinking.

The lightning drowns out my rage but not the voices in my head that continue to argue and bicker and-

(Brought to you courtesy of my hormones, inferiority complex and that Unavoidable Thing Called Puberty)

Once again, with regards to the more recent London bombings, my sister (and my parents for that matter, since they went for her graduation; I expect she'll write about it) is perfectly fine as she/they are actually in France.

So don't worry!

For posterity's sake.

Today was a good day.

When you do something, it's better not to look back.

And now I don't quite know if I should have done it at all. One and a half years is a long time, for a teenager especially. A faint breath of what might have been, a quickening pulse. Then trying, trying! not to think so much.

This is why blogs are good.

Locked away into my memory files, in a separate drive. To be taken out and enjoyed, once in a while. That's all it will remain, I think. But I am grateful for it, and I am done being melancholic.

I just never knew it would hurt so much.

Of course I'm alive just busy
tell Mum and Dad not to worry
didn't respond to msg sorry
still adjusting to not having them here
weird to eat with Nanny and Auntie G for dinner
swear I'm doing work
have to send out reports to classmates
writing in point form for many many notes
(that are all over the place
running out of lecture pad)
going to have a packed weekend
geog field trip among other things
staying over at Farrer Sat night
more convenient
tell Mum and Dad to just enjoy themselves
and leave me to tear my hair out here
will make proper post maybe Sunday or whenever free

get out of my head out out damn-

TOR: Daddy says everything ok?

We had to physically restrain mummy from calling Glor to find out if she is still alive.

I too met Neil Gaiman two years ago on an autumn morning in the children's department of Harrods' book store. The staff were surprised to see so many people, none of them children, and some of them apparently dead. But being English, they didn't show it and even offered to take my dripping umbrella. This could have been because I was the most normal-looking person around. He signed my stardust hardcover for Gloria, and my endless nights for myself, I babbled some stuff about how he should go to Singapore and how my sister would be dying to meet him, and how he should try all the food because that's what I miss... then I realised I was talking about myself and not him. I'd completely neglected to mention even once that I admire and enjoy his work. The fact that I was there would have implied that but saying it's just common courtesy, isn't it?

Anyway what happened at yours, Glor?

Time for an abrupt change of subject: there have been bomb blasts all over London. This is a horrible and sad thing; many people are dead. Ever since 9/11, London has been holding its breath for a terrorist attack. No one knows if one had already been foiled but there is a sense here that it has finally happened. At this point, it's very easy to give into the paranoia that the Americans have gladly embraced, (and I myself being Singaporean, gave quick thanks that we still have a 5 kg bag of rice should there be a stampede to stock up,) but I hope that Londoners will not be sucked in. Every major world capital is subject to these dangers. I'm just lucky that I don't use the tube, at least not during peak hours. I was in bed the whole time and not travelling industriously on the tube so the whole 'incident' (what the Home Sec called it) passed me by.

So. I'm ok and not dead. That's 3 times in my lifetime that I've had to reassure people that I am not dead. I do live in interesting times. The first was when a girl with the same name as me died in a car`accident and they misreported in SG that shw was from LSE, the second was the tsunami when I was in Sipadan, and now.

Oh yah, THIS IS TOR and NOT GLOR if you haven't yet figured it out. It's so me to write about Neil Gaiman first, then the terrorist attack on London.

Wow. Just... wow. So he came, and went. Probably didn't spend even a week here.

Tsu and I got to Kino at nearly 4. We were rather far back in the queue. Which was quite a good thing, I say. We made a load of new friends, while waiting. By the end of it all, the 6 of us were a-pic-a-nicking on biscuits and water kindly donated by the lady in front (whom we obviously made friends with. Her name was Linda) who gave up when we were in the rut that was the Japenese novel section, I believe.

It seems that all of us knew each other, or had something to do with each other, however indirectly or obscurely. Primary school class/bus mates, seniors, neighbours... this country is too small. I can't decide if I like that fact or not.

We met up again for the borders signing, to get more stuff signed, and to just meet, of course! Who knew waiting in a queue would be such a wonderful experience, or that you'd meet such great people...

Elljay, YX, Mel, Angela! It's been fantastic. I'm so glad we met!

So we've promised to keep in touch and all that, contacts and addresses swapped. Sometimes I think that hanging out with those guys was more fun than actaully getting to the end of the line. And it's all Gaiman's fault, heh heh!

He's... tall. And looks exactly like how he does in pictures. And so awfully nice! The number of hours of signing he did! Fans like us do nonsense in the queue for the 6 hours that we wait but he meets person after person, signing continuously. And still relatively cheerful and oh so accomodating near the end.

Did I already mention he was awfully nice? My vocab has gone down the drian, I don't quite think I'd do justice to how it felt, meeting him (twice). And getting a hug made him feel more... real, somehow.

I have thus concluded that Gaiman should come here more often.

Really should have jotted down a post during the Queue but I guess I was enjoying myself too much. And that's it for my Gaiman entry, seeing how not all the memories in my head want to be copied out. And they're not something I'd ever forget.

I'm glad you're alright Tor..! *hugg

Might make post about what goes on in my head (and vocally wonder why my sister now ends sentences with "girl"), someother time. Mum's frantically trying to call you, why can't she get through your mobile?!

Aargh! Just met Neil Gaiman!! Not enough time to make a proper entry about the whole thing, will do after tmr.

So exciting!

Because I am bored and enjoy doing lists like this even when no one has asked me.

THIS IS TOR NOT GLOR. TOR of the injured leg. I got stung by a random sea plant which I incidentally am allergic to and now my leg looks like it is rotting. So I have to rest, stay indoors and read blogs. Wish I could put up a pic of my wound here. It is strangely fascinating, much like Glor's nail-less toe.

Total Number of films I own on DVD/Video

Not including those in SG.. only a very few since they are all burnt on DVD since I am too cheap to buy real one.

I have Team America! (Watch it!) Sixth Sense, Princess Mononoke, and Before Sunset.

The Last Film I Bought

JD gave me Team America.

Five Films I Watch A Lot/Mean a Lot to Me

1.Snoopy Come Home. I used to cry when I watched it. I used to watch it a lot. When I was 6-8.

2.Labyrinth. I thought David Bowie was very kewl but now he's just old and strange. I liked the part where she was in her house except she wasn't, because she was in the rubbish dump with the old woman!! That's when I first realised that there is a world inside your head and sometimes people forget.

3. Before Sunset is the best film I've seen in a long time. The chemistry between the two leads and the way the dialogue bounces around is delicious and causes you to go... aaargh I wish I was Julie Delpy!

4. David Copperfield's magic shows. I used to watch them a lot and they were very entertaining. I liked the one where he put a chicken's head on a duck's body and a duck's head on the chicken's body. And then they ran around the stage! So amazing! And the one where he romanced the girl by disappearing to the strains of 'Memory' from Cats. I really liked the song at that time but didn't know where it was from. I was about 10. Then, in Sec 2, I saw Les Mis and really got interested in musicals then.

5. Supersize Me. Because now I have facts and ammunition for my longterm boycott of MacDonalds and can easily explain to people why they are exploitative and hypocritical.

I have no one to tag. So sad. More about my leg later.

Because Kayce tagged me and I'm too damned lazy to do a proper entry. And he's right, I'm not even sure what I'll write. :P

Total Number of films I own on DVD/Video

Erm. Not many, am generally not in the habit of collecting them, either I want to watch them and see them in theatres or I miss them completely. But a few, I guess.

The Last Film I Bought

Bought or was given? Spirited Away, from Ed who got it in Malaysia.

Five Films I Watch A Lot/Mean a Lot to Me

1. Anything by Studio Ghibli. Because you can always depend on the fantastic art and superior storytelling. I mean look, Miyazaki even made Moving Castle a half love story thing and managed to pull it off without me wanting to pull out my teeth. And not all their movies end with a happily ever after, unlike Disney, and keeps you thinking about it for some time after. Tomb of the Fireflies and that tanuki I-can't-remember-the-name-of-it ones come to mind.

2. Toy Story. It was the first movie I ever watched in the cinemas (with my parents obviously). Wah, I remember that it was like some kind of expedition liddat, going out so late. And could only get popcorn because everything else was too ridiculously priced.

3. Anything by Tim Burton. I love his style and the odd ideas that he comes up with. Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorshands and Big Fish, how can anyone -not- love his movies?

4. Labyrinth. The film that introdued me, however indirectly, to a taste of the Sandman, since Morpheus was sorta kinda modeled after Bowie's Goblin king. In any case, the muppets were wonderful and it was a very good adventure indeed.

5. The LotR trilogy. Damn well made these films were, especially for something that was once said to be un-makeable. Plus I'm a fantasy junkie, 'nuff said.

Tag 5 People and Have Them Put It In Their Blog

In no particular order:
Jenny
Amanda
Rosie
Tora (even if I know what se'll put)
Schaz (because I want her to -write- something for once)

So it took me 2/3 of a carrot and half an apple to get through that. I sound like a horse don't I? Mum's home and is feeding me healthy stuff lah.

The toe is fine, for anyone who asks. Nail bed has scabbed over and half a cm of nail has grown out already. Had to get the whole thing removed because I'd left it for too long and was starting to grow in the wrong direction, that is, sideways. So the only way to solve that was to start growing the thing from scratch.

Went around flashing it to family during grandfather's birthday dinner last Saturday. As it turns out, none of them have ever seen a toenail removed. Okok, will stop being obsessed about toenail.

So it was a Big Guy's birthday cum father's day thing.

For the first time in years at my grandfather's dinner thing on Saturday we had a change in menu! Gasp! In addition to the usual chilli crab and shark's fin dishes and whatnot we also had bamboo clam (that I discovered I like quite alot) and lobster. I can see you fall off your chair, Tor! I've not really tasted lobster before but it's nice, I guess. Are you suppose to have to chew it alot?

Have just realised why I love my father. He doesn't throw me out of the house eventhough I'm an obnoxious bimbotic brat who thinks she knows everything. That and he willingly deals with idiots at work everyday to put food on the table and to send his children through school.

My life isn't that interesting to blog about, Tor. That's why I have irregular posts. Nothing's going on.

Really.

Removing a toenail really isn't that painful. The idea is, which makes that the only scary part. The doctor does inject your toe with anesthesia you know. Granted, it's not nice to hover on the edge of painkillers, keeping your foot up all the time to take the pressure off it. Nor is it alright for a friend to grab it by accident when you're sitting covered, on the couch in the fencing room. It is also a bad idea to be running errands around town 2 days after (see: birthday presents), still on antibiotics, with hormones heralding your period, running through your bloodstream.

It's alright, really. Not allowed to wear shoes for 2 weeks, the doctor said. By the by, it costs near a hundered dollars to take your nail out so please cut yours properly and not end up like me.

Gouged flesh is Not Fun. Needles aren't either.

On the other hand, I can't and am not allowed to fence. Can't lunge at the moment, even barefoot, not to mention, the whole foot is also target area for the epee. Having the risk of raw flesh being jabbed by the hard metal point of a weapon is really a very bad idea. But it is educational and entertaining to watch others free fence. It's also very good a spot to socialise with those whose turn isn't up yet. And for those who have gone already of course. You'd hear things like, "she kept on walking into my blade!".

Spent the day with Jenny yesterday. Long overdue and what better day to do it than her birthday? Hope you have a good one this year, and yes, I've passed on the msg.

It's not accurate Tor, I got something like 22. And we all know that I'm actually 8 years old, don't we? And how are things with Auntie G and the 3 copies of Mummy?

STILL TOR, NOT GLOR

I don't normally do these quiz thingies but I was so shocked by the result I thought I'd out it up for Glor's blog readers and Glor to read... The quiz is what age do you act?

You Are 31 Years Old

31 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Aargh!!! I can't believe I act that old! Could you take it and tell me if it's accurate? Am enjoying old chang kee currypuff at the moment, and pretending to study while I read blogs.

THIS IS TOR NOT GLOR

Writing this while waiting for the little star wars clip to load.

... Ok, watched it. That was really cute! I watched episode 3 last night and found myself enjoying immensely, apart from having to confer with Cat about who was evil and who was who and gagging at the incredibly 'romantic' romance scenes. 'It's because I'm so in love.' 'No, I'm so in love' 'You mean love has blinded you?' Urgh...

I disagree with all the bad reviews it got. I was with Ewan McGregor when he fought the cool robot-with-heart thing, and cheered very loudly when said thing exploded. Every scene was laden with dramatic irony! Along with the audience (most of whom were my friends. It was a late, late show) I shouted, no! don't turn to the dark side! during the anakin-turning-into-darth-vader scene. For people indifferent to the star wars phenomenon (like myself), who possess only a passing knowledge of the plot, this was pure pathos-filled entertainment, a good old fashioned celebration of the human condition. Just what films are meant to be. None of this pretentious bullshit about cute guys who go around shagging random models at photo shoots.

Now I have to go and watch the whole thing again. The last time I watched it was (I think) when I was small, during CNY in my grandmother's house in toa payoh, on tv. Glor, when was the last time we watched any of the Star Wars movies? I only remember the ewoks well because that was the point when our aunties/uncles at our grandma's house would point and the screen and say, 'see! cute bears!' And I'd be like, 'ya, so what?'

Pre-movie dinner conversation at our house:

Chris: I only remember the last scene in the last movie (episode 6) where the bears came out after the evil guy died.
Everyone else: We have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
Me: Err, do you mean the ewoks?
Cat: What are ewoks? I don't remember.
Florian: No, they weren't ewoks. Ewoks weren't in the last movie.
Marc: Or were they wookies?
Cat: What are wookies?
Me: You know, the big furry furry things that go woarghorgh!

Hmm, I don't think the humour translates very well onto the page. Obviously we are all not star wars fans. It's very pleasant to find out interesting facts like how anakin really does turn out to be the chosen one! Facts everyone else knows but I didn't, and now that I've watched the movie, I can easily find out what happens next without knowing it from before! Haha! And what's more, I can easily talk about what happens in the end to people who haven't watched the movie and not be a spoiler, because they all know what happens anyway! Haha!

I must be a very sad and deprived person.

Surreal walking the deserted streets, through leicester square and covent garden market after the show. We all got free posters and v-zhing v-zhinged them around, squawking excitedly about our favourite parts of the film. Somehow, we were part of the scenery, along with the little piles of homeless people in the doorways, drunken yobs chanting 'Li-ver-pull, li-ver-pool, li-ver-pool!', and all the denizens of night-time central london. We were the cut-price late-night ticket student gang walking to chinatown to have supper, having come from dinner before the show. There's a melancholy beauty to be found in places which are alive and bustling with tourists during the day that shows itself at night, in the dark, alone, that has the quality of truth. We sat on the cobblestone road (carefully avoiding the patches of vomit of course) continued to v-zhing, v-zhing, and just breathed in the silence (punctuated by occasional screaming and crying of course). Simple pleasures.

...

Did you know that in the books, episode 7-9, Luke is somehow lured by the ghost of sidious and turns to the dark side too? (noooo! so sad!) but in the end, is converted back to the non-dark side by his son? I'm never gonna read those books cos that sounds like they ran out of ideas.

Oh! Don't watch hitch-hiker's. I hated the beginning, the title song, the end, the characters (I know we all have to PC now but have you ever imagined Ford Prefect as black? I mean, it's one thing to be inclusive and another to be totally un-true to the character in the book) I know Adams helped to write the screenplay but I'm sure he'd be turning over in his grave at some of the liberties taken. The ending! Oh! The ending! (The humanity! No-- I'm not going to say that. It's rather, oh! The non-humanity) Ok, you won't understand that unless you know the book and watched the film, and I won't tell you why I think it's completely missed the point in case you still want to watch it. Please don't.

I mean, I laughed. It was funny. But it was only funny because the lines were funny, and the lines are funny because the book is funny. The only good thing about the movie is the dialogue and narration. And of course the story. But not the end! And for some strange reason the makers totally missed out on some of the classic scenes in the book-- like they ignored the fact that the reason for the Heart of Gold's shut-down during the Vogon attack was Arthur's request for a cup of tea! Oh, I shan't go on, this is starting to sound pedantic.

The more difficult my work is, the less refined my entertainment tastes become. But all I'm asking for is a minimum level of clever/interesting plot, decent dialogue and really cool flinging people around via the force and lightsabres that go 'v-zhing, v-zhing!' OK. *shrug*

Everytime I think of the word wookie, I think of Khayce. woarghorgh!

Exams coming soon, this should be interesting. Will be slogging all through the June hols, interrupted by fencing prac. Which is muchly fun, I don't even mind getting up at 7 in the morn on a Saturday for it.

No, am not going away like as planned, anymore. Seeing as how with the exception of GP, all my papers are on the last week of June I obviously cannot go anywhere for obvious reasons. At this rate don't think will make it to London at all, oh well. We'll see how it goes, as usual.

Dear Ed is back~! Missed him awfully, but have only seen him once, so far. Will probably have coffee during June, I hope. Then we can talk about fencing too~

I miss RK, and everyone in my graduating year, for that matter. I do believe we really need to meet up for an RK coffee meeting one day. Bern could do with some more cheering up.

Which reminds me, I've nothing to wear for Camelot this Saturday...

Thanks so much for the essay outline, Tor! Very big help, wish me luck for the blasted exam!

Marc just sent this to me... it's the cutest Star Wars thing ever! The clip may take some time to load, but it's hell worth it, especially the ending shot!

@http://www.starwars.com/collecting/news/lego/rotb.html

(Random update written in school today.)

A breather during class, before extra econs lesson starts. Incessant drizzle (i.e. high storm intensity, contributing to higher infiltration rates) that's lasted from recess, making everyone relaxed. My previously overdue stuff for this week is all done, just need to focus on project work and econs test on Thursday.

Assorted collection of iPod shuffles being plugged into class speaker. Generally good tastes in music, my classmates have. Boulavard of Broken Dreams, Scar Tissue, among some other pieces I've not heard in a while. But when they started on the techno I decided to listen to my own stuff. Haven't yet decided, to promote Budak Pantai or not. Or that utterly ridiculous D&D song! On second thoughts, they wouldn't understand it, "I've got my twelve sided die and I'm ready to roll...". Have yet to find a gamer in this blasted school.

Oh! But have found other Pratchett reader, in CLB class! Think I've mentioned. Steffi's also anticipating Hitchhiker's! I know it's already out in other bits of the world (you shut up Tora.) and I don't know why it's taking so long to get here. Like Butrton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, opening here a month later than the officila release date. Oh well, at least it's coming here at all, unlike Mirrormask.

(Ooh, have to go for econs tuition now. Sometimes I wish I could blog in class...)

Ran 2.4 on Wednesday and passed, suprisingly. Fell down at some point though, so now have mild case of grass rash on left shin and knee as forgot to wash it off, was too damned tired.

School is good, but the workload is erratic. Sometimes it's alot then at others, it's even more. Good thing the hols are coming soon, then I can properly do up my notes and study for the exams. Especially my sorry, sorry Lit notes that are all over the place.

Aargh! I have to complain about my ridiculous Huxley tutor! She doesn't bloody teach during tuorials, just scolds us a lot. I hardly have any notes from her, dammit. Had to resort to photocopying Tsu's notes instead. Good thing I write cursive so I can read her handwriting.

Been hanging out with Tsu and Agustine (though not at the same time). Agustine's the only classmate I automatically gravitate to, not sure why. We don't have alot in common, but we just like each other's company.

Tsu on the other hand... is the only person I can comfortably be myself with, can rant about books and fangirl too. It helps when we know what the other person is talking about, which is usually not the case, with classmates. Us misfits must look out for each other, ne? She's currently letting me go through her comic collection, Fables in particular, written by Bill Willingham, and am indefinatly holding on the Arkham Asylum, that Grant Morrison wrote and Dave McKean illustated.

We see each other mostly at lectures we have in common, and of course, CLB class. Gosh, I love chinese classes so much now, we just go there and slack. And all the other peope are pro-CLB too! Then there's the other girl who reads Pratchett, Steffi, and that boy Benjamin, that Tsu is shamlessly pimpimg Fables to, who is borrowing it. It's just a group of random students coming together and having a breather during school.

Which reminds me, went to OCS last Friday, and got Fables confiscated by brother Paul for trying to bring it along. Got it back from him after though, with him calling me the 'girl who owned the weird comic'. Hah, wait till he meets Tsu. Was also shamelessly pimping it to him. Hey, no harm trying right?

Gah, then there's this boy I like. We've got much in common and I just love having conversations with him. Mm, I'll probably just leave it, like I always do.

Tor,

checked out James' watch. Turns out the watch shop in J8 doesn't stock Omega, so I've got to go down to town for it. I'll probably do it tmr, since I've got a dental appointment too.

I should go now, have school tmr. And a wretched Huxley tutorial.

Actually got around to writing the thing. It's something that I've always wanted to write, a nice short, one-shot thing, not about any particular anyone that could apply to nearly everyone. I hope you like it, if you decide to read it.

This is for Jenny, I hope it makes her feel better.

And for the one who makes me smile.


'Mm.'

She rolls over and presses into his arms, inhaling, and slides a leg over his waist. Then-

she realises it's only a bolster.

The female human lies there in the cold darkness, drawing the covers tightly around her, trying to grasp the last edges of the Dreaming, when the door creaks.

Someone climbs into bed and under the quilt with her. An arm encircles her from behind, ending with a hand clasping hers, over her breast near her heart. She feels warm lips against the back of her neck, feathery, then they pull away, only to nuzzle at her hair, making her smile. She snuggles closer.

Then there is stillness, and silence.

A strong gust of wind blows the curtains aside, making them flap, like wings. For an instant through half-lidded eyes, she sees their limbs, pale and motionless, entwined in the silver moonlight.

Then in the darkness, there might have been a soft voice, that might have whispered three words. Already asleep, she did not hear them, if there were anything to hear at all.

~

She stirs under the harsh morning light. Frowning slightly, she rolls over and presses into his arms, inhaling, and slides a leg over his waist. Then-

she realises it's only a bolster.

I really should start blogging again, shouldn't I.

There have always been things chasing themselves around in my head, more often then not they form on paper, during school when I've just got itchy fingers and time. Of these, some make it to the blog, but most just get consigned to the sheaves of Dead Lecture Pad one gathers over the years.

I'd meant to say something about Nick, because I sort of bumped into him in town earlier this week, when I was with Yenyi, and wanted to say something about IJ, as well as work on a small fic wossname thing that had been going round and wailing to get out. But I've lost it now, and not sure if a ghost of the thing is enough to bring it over.

Now my blank sheets of paper continually fill up with notes, charts and essays. I've worked through a full pad and not one piece has proper scribbles on it. Gosh, I've just realised that I don't even randomly dash down Inui's name anymore.

On the other hand, the stuff that I'm learning in school is actually quite interesting, even if it's not the sort of thing I'd generally like doing. There's only so much I can infer from a poem about a blasted flower that's sexually deprived. After a few of these kind of poems it gets a bit tiring (I'm doing Blake larh). But I do like reading, and that's that.

I'll get them written, one day. Somewhere.

Tor,

no, I'm not just being contrary because I can. It's there, if you position your mouse over "Ho!" my address will appear on your taskbar.

Got your e-mail, printed it out for Mummy, minus the bits I think she should not have seen, and forwarded the whole thing to Auntie G so she can get whatever for you.

Me a year ago: studying in IJ, fangirling in my free time, with Tora or Rosie. Being frantic about upcoming O' levels.

3 months ago: literally slacking at MI, the strange spikey haired girl at Starbucks, occasionally, in the morning.

Now: girl with ridiculously long CJ uniform, in slippers (see: ingrown toenail), quite enjoying the classes where she is.

Yup. That about sums up the recent changes in my life, in a very condensed way. This really makes me realise that it's not really how much time you have, but what you do with it that matters.

What I've done so far, with my life and the decisions I've made, I wouldn't change for the world. The funny situations I've gotten myself into, the choices of school and CCA, the strange friends I have, the even stranger hobbies I've been initiated into...

's all good.

Ha, I am on a bit of a quiz spree~

I Am A: Chaotic Good Half-Elf Ranger Druid


Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.


Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Druids are a special variety of Cleric who serves the Earth, and can call upon the power in the earth to accomplish their goals. They tend to be somewhat fanatical about defending natural settings.


Deity:
Solonor Thelandria is the Chaotic Good elven god of archery and the hunt. He is also known as the Keen Eye, the Great Archer, and the Forest Hunter. His followers respect nature, and only hunt when needed, but are quick to defend the forest from intruders. Their favorite weapon is the bow, and they tend to be extremely talented with it. Solonor Thelandria's symbol is an arrow with green fletchings.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)