THIS IS TOR

Top questions I hate people asking me in making conversation:

5. What kind of law?

When I tell them. they go blank anyway. I know they're hoping I'll say something fun like criminal or family... since that's what girls do, right?

4. So, whereabouts in Singapore are you from?

I had a lecturer who said, hey, I was brought up in Singapore. Where in Sg are you from? And I'm thinking, if I say Bishan, that would just embarrass you cos you have not the slightest idea where that is. So I said, Bishan. And he said, oh... That's nice. I'm from Terlok Blarng-Arh.

3. So, what language do you speak in Singapore?

Ugh. This is Britain, our former colonial masters.

2. Do you speak English?

Ugh. This from a customs official. I just blinked and waited for a long time to see what he would do. Then he flipped my passpart and discovered what exactly I was doing in his country. [Planning to steal his pathetic job along with all the bloody illegal immigrants here, of course.]

1. So, what's your real name?

Aargh. What was I to do but laugh and down my Foster's? No prizes for guessing where this knob was from.