aargh...!!! you've no idea how, how... crappy i am feeling now. no, not even fucked up is a strong enough word. fuck life, it's a bitch. bah, fuck everything!!! just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up.

suprisingly, it seems that school's the only thing i've got going for me. not being fucked up there. yet.

just got off the phone with my sister. she's having such a great time in london. hell, every phone call we have usually has her saying, come over here lah!? she also says that having a boyfriend is overrated and i shd heck choir, leave 'em and go join a better one else where. mebe i will do that, move church. you have no idea how nice that sounds.

you know what i think? i think i need a role model. my dad was a beng at this age, my mum was still biting boys, my sister's too wierd and nick's just plain nuts. and so is everyone else i know, or too young. as far as i can remember, no one i know wasn't a juvenile delinquent at this age, or neurotic.

you know what? maybe im too normal.

shit, i hate this. no, that's not it. i need a break. stop band, choir, school, church, tuition, band, choir and band. need to go away to a nice, preferbly quiet place and read a nice quiet book. like the wake(rachael's letting me borrow hers, in fact) or something like that.

or maybe i need a game.