I am vaguely amazed that I wrote that note eleven months ago, to the date. I am also vaguely amazed that I stuck it up on the facebook where it attracted alot of attention and made some people rather alarmed. Mm I shouldn't have done that but at the time, I didn't really understand how much of a phenomenon that social networking site was becoming. I didn't understand the internet at all actually, until I sat down in class one day and really thought about it. And discovered that its kinda weird and strange and that I could spend my whole life talking about it.

I remember feeling that way. I remember feeling very bitter and confused and sad and cold, writing that. I don't write very often.

But I also remember crying when they pushed the casket that contained my grandfather's body into the furnace. For a while I cried whenever I conjured the image. Now I suppose it has faded into a feeling of not having seen someone for a long, long time. The usual way a person feels after a loved one dies, I would guess. But that has been my experience so far. It has been twelve years, three days and counting.

Its taken me not too long I hope, to see how much feelings can change. I remember the way I used to think, feel, act when I was 15, 17, 19. I think I can say why I was the way I was, but not account for all of it. I was arrogant, more than I am now and annoying to the extreme sometimes. But I'd like to think I've kept a good few friends over the years.

I keep using the words 'I remember', I know it makes me sound old. But you can be young and mull over past events too, its just that we don't do that too often. Yet at the same time I feel old because I am aware of my memories, and never thinking at the time that they'd become so treasured. I've changed more in the past year than I have in half my life. I use the words 'I remember' because the things that I want to remember suddenly seem damn important.

I remember the good bits of my life. The singing, the warm stolen afternoons, the new emotions. They're really important because they are special to me, and everyone needs these things so that we don't all go crazy. Its quite simple, but I had to go far away for university to figure it out.

I am grateful for having figured out alot of things here actually. I feel comfortable in my own skin now.

I don't write very often. When I write its usually because I am upset, because that's when words are worth putting down. I'm not upset now though, which is curious.

I would like to write more. I find that there are many interesting things on the internet to write about. Besides, the internet weblog is what I understand, rather than the etiquette of networking sites. I will find more time to write.