This paragraph from nanashee's latest post made me laugh out loud. Or maybe it was the post-exam come down.

I don't know what she spawned from, but frankly, walking into a club and expecting people to buy you drinks is a mentality that really should belong to supermodel-type people. Not when you have legs as stocky as two overgrown carrots and lines like a map of the London underground around your eyes. It's like a Monet painting; it looks pretty ok from afar, but up close, it's a fucking mess.

I know that posting msn conversations is seen in some blogging circles as tremendouly low-class, but I'm going to do it anyway. Here's a snippet from my chat with my friend Preeti in SG:


Preeti says: so how's Jim and Sung Hyui

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: jim is doing ok-- at school he excels and has a variety of extra curricular activites. he takes spanish, jazz dance lessons, and has a healthy social life

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: he also has a lot of fit classmates whom i am always asking to be introduced to

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: not one of them has called me yet

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: sung-hyui is doing well as far as i can tell she is well-liked by the teachers, popular amongst her peers, helpful and friendly. she goes to jazz dance with jim and similarly bemoans the lack of romantic interest at bpp

Preeti says: vic why do you sound like a teacher giving a character appraisal?

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: i am trying to be ironic but it doesnt seem to be working

Preeti says: haha no wait....I'm picturing you saying it now and it sounds very Victoria..

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: Sung-hyui has so far declined to join the book club set up by jim, myself, and a couple of other fellow nerds

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: the first book we are discussing is bleak house

Preeti says: haha oh my god. thats sad

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: hey book clubs are very much all the rage now in fashionable circles in the US

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: we are not being nerdy but trendy

Preeti says: of course not vic

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: in a few months we will be seen as uber cool trendspotters

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: ok, forget i said 'uber cool'

Preeti says: y'know vic....I havent laughed this much in a while

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: i'm glad to be of assistance

Preeti says: forget? yeah right...I'm going to be quoting you now to everyone who will listen.I will start with the LSE singaporeans tomorrow at evidence lecture

Preeti says: Your uber cool book club will be famous soon

Preeti says: maybe you shoudl ask some of the fit guys in Jims class to join

Preeti says: waitt....didd you do that already? is that why they havent called?

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: yes, i already did

Preeti says: hahaaaaaaaaa

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: thats probably why they havent called

Preeti says: its sad isnt it that they dont seem to be the "uber cool" trendspotter types vic

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: no lah. i'm totally just kidding

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: god i am not that sad P

Preeti says: you mean there is no book club?

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: yeah there is but i havent asked any cute guys to join.

Preeti says: well then the guys in Jims class must be gay or dumb for not calling you

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says:thanx. bloody hell

Preeti says: sigh. maybe you meet someone nice in china. nice chinese boy

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: NO

vic-- i want to eat mee pok says: please dont even joke about it

So, there is a book club, and the first book really is Bleak House. I've only got to page 200. I have no idea why we chose it. It seemed a good idea at the time. I guess after a couple of bottles of wine everything goes rosy. Oh well, we needed an excuse to meet up every so often-- but Bleak House? Actually, I was so far gone that I remember promising my friend that I would run a marathon with her. If I'd thought that was feasible, the book must have seemed much less of a challenge at the time. Well, at least we will decide the next book sober. (Hopefully)

More gems of witty repartee from my little travel notebook (it's well worth keeping one when one has entertaining friends):


Joey: What is this used for? (referring to a pumice-stone in a shop in Greece)
Me: You rub your feet with it to get rid of dead skin.
Kenny: (glaring with inexplicable hatred of Joey) No, you eat it!
Joey: Well, you could use it for your brain, it's about the same size.
Kenny: Ya, but it's definitely bigger than your brain.

The next page contains a list compiled by JD, Qianru and myself on 'How do you know when you're an adult?'

1. When you can tell when white wine is too cold to be drunk
2. When you insist on drinking it out of proper glasses instead of plastic cups
3. When you think it's NOT ok to mix red and white together to get more drunk, faster

There's this other bit that always makes me laugh, but I suspect you have to have been there.

Kenny: Give me some water
Qianru: No.
Kenny: Give me some water lah! I'm very thirsty!
Qianru: No! Buy your own.
Kenny: Why don't you give me some? I'm very thirsty leh! (makes whining sounds, feet-stamping etc.)
Qianru: No, can you at least say please?
Kenny: What's the point of saying please if you're not gonna give me anyway?

Flicking through Ian's mostly 'tetno' music collection, I commented on his evident beng tastes.

Ian: "Actually at heart, I'm a beng. I just tak a lot of ang moh chek only."

Elaborating on the theme, he went on,

"Wa eh sim si ah beng.
Wa eh nao si tak LSE.
Mai ga lim peh wax lyrical.
Wa ma eh hiao."

My friend Ian is a potential king of one-liners. Consider:-

In a discussion on bad boys, their charm, and their heart-breaking ways:

"I'm not dangerous when I'm charming. I'm dangerous when I'm candid. And I'm candid all the time."

Oooooooh.

And when I busted my ankle,

"How do you know how to treat it?"
"Got lump just rub lah."

One surmises that this practical approach must have served him well in other *ahem* less innocent situations.

The fencing room in school, is good for singing. 10 minutes after I discover this, someone from band started to play the saxophone from the block across. On the other hand, went back to IJ today and fiddled with my old saxophone. The magic is gone, and I don't know why. It hurts. Ah well, it was my choice and I must live by it. Better to have loved then not loved at all.

This week, I realised, with a start, that I've a crush on one of my schoolmates. Am not quite sure what to make of this. It does not help that I might see Lance during Chinese New Year at the Lim's and that Jerrick will be back in the country too. All of this, all of it, is a big cosmic joke with the finger pointed at me, I tell you. Bah.

On the bright side, school is going well, so that's always good. Work hasn't piled up yet, but have to do revision, is all.

Tor! The photos are really good, especially the eiffel tower one! The weather was so nice that day. Missing you muchly~

I should go. Need to move my mage out of Desolace, wandering elite mobs have proven fatal.

Photos from Paris

Still don't understand 'nyan'. I suppose it's similar to my comforting phrase, 'bolbol'. Here are some photos from G and T's trip to Paris.

The view from inside the glass pyramid at the Louvre. The overcast sky ruins the picture. Next time I'll post a better one I took of mummy in the same position with a clear blue sky. I don't have it in my laptop now.

Here is Glor in front of the famous english language bookshop across the river from the Notre Dame. It's where the first scene in Before Sunset was filmed, so needless to say, it's a damn romantic location lah!


Here's me eating snails. Mmm. Tasty. The vacant expression on my face is my reaction to Glor eating a raw piece of flesh.

Here it is:

In front of the Eiffel Tower.

'Artistic' shot of the Sacre Coeur. Hey, it's hard to take a good photo juggling a quiche and a blueberry tart and trying to sit down at the same time, ok. Also, squillions of tourists had the same brilliant idea of chilling out on the steps.

View from the top:

And to show the contrast in the quality of pictures taken by my camera above (no brand camera, cost=S$100) and James's camera which I used to use all the time (Canon Ixus V3, cost=S$800), here is a photo of Florian I took at his graduation at UCL:

Florian= my ex-flatmate and Cat's boyfriend. Cat=

Yes, that really is Bentham's dead body. Except the head, which was replaced with a plastic model because KCL students kept breaking in, stealing the head and playing football with it. Apparently he is still wheeled into every UCL board meeting in accordance with his will. He is marked present but not voting. And below is a really good photo of James lim-ing kopi in Brighton. Damn I miss that camera.

Even though the background isn't much to look at, the colours are so vivid!

Here the background is nicer but obscured by us people. Still at Brighton. Beside me is Nicolas, James's friend and his crushee, Sabrina. Note my budding mummy-ish tendency to shield my face from harmful sunlight.

I don't know why I never thought of posting photos up here before. Maybe it's because of how bloody long it takes. I'm gonna put everything up on flickr so Glor (and anyone else) can look at it there. Except I don't actually know how to link it to my flickr account. hm. Glor?

I think this is how: http://www.flickr.com/photos/49514497@N00/

I might put up some nice ones from my Greece trip next. They're probably safer online than sitting around in my hard drive waiting to be stolen.

Nyan~!

Stating the obvious, it was the first week of school. Is going well! I think my class made our last year's form teacher quit, so we've got a new one now. She's very lor sor, lecture us for econs until want to sleep. She -is- nice though. And generally sounds like she knows what she's talking about, even if she does explain in circles.

The classroom that we're in was ment to be a toilet. There's the tell tale space in the walls and narrow glass windows near the ceiling that one only finds in toilets. We're also tucked away in a corner, of course. Convenient location though. Not the centre of everything but still easy to get to everywhere. Don't have to climb 5 levels again this year~

Is a very wide classroom, enough space for the boys to fool around with football, and for Andrea the resident hockey player to do her stuff. I like it. We're next to the science classes though, so miss seeing the familiar arts fac faces.

Bern made it to arts fac here, been seeing her around. Really good to see a close friend on the school grounds again. I've made myself mediator, in case of any collision between her and Tsu. On the other hand, I don't think they're going to cause any collateral damage, so everything should be fine.

Tor! Good to hear it's been solved? How was it ah? Decided not to kick you guys out is it? Good. Ian hasn't called me, the idiot. You know his number here or not arh?!

Ach, Rosen here to use WoW on my com.

/wave

I am not dead.

London was fantastic, Paris was even better (see previous posts for more details). I'd love to go there with a Certain Someone, one day. Haven't seen him for some time, and I quite miss him (I wasn't kidding about your display picture leh!).

Christmas was the usual affair, good company and even better food. Missed the fact that Tor can't be here to celebrate it with us, hope Leila's family was a good substitute. Also hoping she's not buying anything in bad taste at this year's boxing sales in London.

Random bit of trivia, it's cheaper to call home from London than Dubai. At least, that's what my bills said.

This year I sang carols (properly, not half-arsed mumbling) only at the Christmas mass. Am finding that there is greater pleasure in this, not to mention, better for my health, rather than the drilling every other day I used to have. Will go back to singing, one day. Probably in university, or something. *shrugs* That's what a traumatic 7 years does to you. Must have broken a mirrior when was younger.

But it was a good Christmas that wrapped up a terrific year. The new friends made (mostly the MI people), the lessons, whether good or bad (I usually label all of them as useful, even the Project Work ones where I had to rush reports for the next morning) and of course, the tons of life Experience Points earned.

Here's to a splendid 2005 and promising 2006 ahead.

Here is a reply from our father (the human one) in response to my email to him containing this post (with a few crucial points taken out of course).


Okay.

6) Mummy also wants to know your most recent VISA purchases/expenses. Mummy can't reconcile the latest items.

Oops.


7) Mummy wants both you and sister to:
a) sleep early
b) get up early
c) eat fruit
d) drink a lot of water
e) behave
d) don't fight
e) don't do anything that you need to ask for our permission
Daddy says: "Yah, sure".

My response was:

Daddy, I can't help it that Glor sleeps till noon when I'm at school.

Anyway what stuff do we have to ask for your permission for? According to mummy, it's 'step outside the house' or 'eat an extra square of chocolate'.

Here is a combined post brought to you by the letters G and T

Admiring the Paris skyline by night on the Pont des Arts:

Glor: Is that a light-house?
Tor: No, it's the Eiffel Tower.

Cool stuff Glor and Tor did down and out in London and Paris

1. Travelled on the metro and got into the Sacre Coeur half price and the Louvre for free. (By sheer cunning and intelligence!- Tor) Actually, the Louvre bit was 'cos it's free on Fidays after 6pm for under 26. (The metro and Sacre Coeur? Well, go figure.)

2. Accidentally discovered a place called Cafe Psycho, when wandering in Paris - it had notebooks masquerading as menus - that you could write in. Glor had the best hot chocolate of her life there. We chilled and lim-ded kopi facing the Jardin du Luxemborg.

3. Stumbled upon Shakespeare & Co. without even looking for it! Tor bought another Theroux there. It's the bookshop where Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy re-met in Before Sunset, a film which has informed Tor's personal philosophy ever since Tor first saw it.

4. Got chased out of the Louvre at night cos they were closing. So much nicer when it's deserted.

5. Spent an afternoon on the Rue Mouffetard in the Latin Quarter, and used many euros. It was a street lined by shops on both sides, infuriatingly, nothing was in English.-- Glor. Hello! It's France!-- Tor. Also it had the most romantic square Glor saw in Paris. The trees! The lights! The hobos!-- Tor. There were obligatory clumps of french students lim-ing kopi and plotting revolution.

6. We also witnessed a procession at night! Must have come from Notre Dame. It was headed by several alter boys and priests, with a bunch of people carrying a statue of Our Lady. The people followng that were all holding candles, singing and there was a van with a speaker on the top, with the lead priest's voice coming from it. Very cool, there must have been a few hundred people in the thing. The procession I mean, not the van. The priests looked like they were wearing lace table cloths.

7. Had chocolate fondue that burned at the bottom. Oops. It had seemed like a good idea at the time- Glor.

8. Discovered what a tarte au sucre is. It's a pastry with holes full of sugar! Yum-- Glor. Discovered what a triangle frangipane is- Tor. No, it's not a three sided flower, it's a sort of flaky, fragrant pastry. Mmmmmm. Miss Paris. Miss fruit tart wossname stuff-- Glor.

9. Almost got killed several times on account of looking in the wrong direction-- by which we mean the correct direction, of course.

10. Glor comes to the conclusion that Parisien boys are cuter than London boys. Tor wonders why Glor's hot guys all look 16.

11. Glor mistakes Eiffel tower for a lighthouse. What to do, it had a bright light coming from it, going in circles-- Glor.

12. We ice-skated at Somerset House! It's a grand old mansion on the strand that was beautifully lit with fairy lights and proper flaming torches edging the rink. We (almost) had mulled wine and mince pie. (I was carded and didn't have id. How strange)-- Tor. There was the biggest real christmas tree Glor's ever seen. Ice skating is actually really fun.

13. Glor got pissed, threw up and passed out. On a pint of cider.

Away from Tor's watchful gaze (when I was with her, Glor was all 'I hate alchohol, I don't drink man' etc, so I gave her a vodka mudshake, a drink I thought was suitably fun without being an alcopop... baby steps, remember? And she was alright. But then when I was at school, the first thing she did was get shit-faced and fall over.)

14. Glor made her first meal - pizza, with Ian. Tor: she just put the topping on top and bunged the whole thing into the oven. Wot? Glor: Woot.

15. Glor went to Camden market and saw lots of clothes she wanted there. Glor thinks goth lolita cosplayers would be very happy there. We went to cool shisha cafe and had moroccan spice tea.

16. Frequently had nice dinners in Soho, usually followed by coffee at an italian cafe that's got a hot waiter. Tor: Bar Italia, my friendly neighbourhood coffee place. And he's gay. It is Soho.

17. Tried out French laptop of Julien's at a party in King's Cross. Still not sure how to get the full stop out.

18. Glor's spent more than a total of 12 hours in various museums. Her favourite is the National Gallery at Trafalgar Square, though she thinks the Natural History museum is good too. Ogled many unfortunate pickled things in the Darwin centre there, like worms from whales' stomachs.

19. Glor got haircut in Soho by Tor's Japanese hairdresser. Looks muchly better now.

20. Saw Mary Poppins the musical! It was very good. *sings* Just a spoonful of sugar, helps the medicine go down~ It cost £25 each. Tor: ow.


The traffic in Paris is really crap. Number 1, they drive on the wrong side of the road. Number 2, there must be something wrong with the traffic lights there-- or maybe it's the cars. Whatever it is, the movement of the cars do not correspond in any way to the light signals.

Number 3, you've got to have balls, or 'avec la peche', to cross the street. (Literally-- to have a peach, don't ask about the spherical imagery) That is, you must ga ga lai and cheong! Once you hesitate, you are lost and will never actually be able to get to the other side.

Glor enjoyed the hostel we stayed at. I'll let her write about that. The only interesting thing that happened for me was that I was able to cross off one item on my list of things I should do while travelling: bring up the sheep-and-cow-fart tax in NZ in conversation with a kiwi. First off, you learn that it's a methane emissions tax. In my opinion, it doesn't matter what you call it, it's still a tax on cattle farts. As the rounds tot up though, we slowly discover that the problem was the grass the cows were eating. It was the wrong type of grass. So they started feeding them happy grass and the cows started asking for big macs.

It's a well-kept secret.

Posting from London! Leeching off sister's neighbour's wireless. Woot.

Alright, so I've been here 5 days. It's not bad really, but this is the viewpoint of a tourist. I'm sure my sister would say much different. Bloody cold over here too, though is nothing unsolvable by a good coat. Is good when you're on the streets alot, walking from place to place, as sister lives in middle of London and can walk practically everywhere. I have found that Trafalgar square pigeons are very slow and stupid; it's nice to chase them though there is the temptation to kick them too, they move that slowly.

Been to pretty much all the tourist spots, Big Ben was lit up at night, Soho has dodgy people, didn't understand much of the pieces at the Tate, and the London eye is fucking expensive to ride. Which is applicable to everything. People tell me that I should stop the mental money conversions as then I'lll not spend any money at all, really.

Wanted to catch Phantom or Mary Poppins this evening but like I said, is expensive. Ended up cooking pizza with Ian at my sister's place. Well, at least we caught Stomp.

Leaving for Paris tomorrow, hope is not very cold there. Have to go pack now.

Right, haven't had time to blog. Been busy playing World of Warcraft, trying to get to level 30 before the person who owns the account moves back to San Fran and starts playing in the hours that I can play too. 5 more levels to go! I've an undead fire mage, anyone on Icecrown pst me!

In any case, am leaving this Friday for London, to visit my sister. (I just msged you the details!) Hopefully I'll get back in one piece. Hope also to have lots of adventure and excitment and do some really froody things~!!11one

And not have my sister flunk her exams in the process.

I'll be bringing back lots of chocolate for people. Classmates, mostly. And both sides of the family, maybe for gaming crew also. Seems nice and general and safe and everyone likes chocolate really. Or fudge. Come on, you know you want it.

Speaking of classmates, haven't got time to mail cards this year, damn! Guess I'll do it next year. And not done with shopping yet either. Suppose I'll squeeze it in when I get back. Will meet up with people like Rosie and Amanda when I get back too. Also trying to figure out how to mail Tora's present when we get it. Oy, got no one going down this Christmas right, Tora?

So. Am alive and well, just haven't been blogging much.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Gloria
2. Glor/Gor
3. Groria

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Aargh~!
2. Ack.
3. "please insert angsty teenage quote here"

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hands
2. The shade of my skin
3. How easy it is to make people laugh

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My big nose with open pores that i can't seem to close no matter how much toner
2. Being careless
3. My ridged nails

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Singaporean
2. Catholic
3. Peranakan

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. The dark
2. Pulling too much aggro. Is bad for us mage cloth wearing types
3. Being forcibly introduced to really really hot guys. Like Terence's nephews, the Hang Ten twins. Well, one of them. I had to hide behind Gee, literally. Is convenient to have friends who weigh about 100 kg. And Terence is Evil.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Sleep
2. My glasses
3. Light

THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. My glasses
2. IJ shorts
3. Oversized crane tee-shirt I made Gee give me

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
2. I'm not that Girl - Wicked, the musical
3. Lullaby - the Cure

THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
2. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett (yeah, I got them both off you, Khayce. Will be bringing a couple to London, if you don't mind? Richard said it was ok. You'll get them back in the same condition.)
3. The Trinity main book, it's a White Wolf game.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Interesting conversation, being well-read would be a bonus here
2. The other party to make space for my game time
3. The other party to not think I'm an idiot

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can speak mandarin
2. I'm secretly still bi
3. People can't keep up with me in a crowd

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A nice smile
2. To be able to feel that funny groove on the back, at the backbone
3. Kissable lips

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Being left alone to read. Even in a noisy classroom, just don't talk to me. Students have to be able to do things like that.
2. Gaming
3. Running errands alone, so people don't slow me down

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. A dungeon. Maybe WC (since we went there by accident the other time) or SFK.
2. A manicure
3. Finish up Christmas shopping

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Physiotherapist
2. Tako pachi flipper (I hope you recognise that reference, Tora)
3. Geologist

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Egypt, to visit the pyramids
2. That 7 star hotel in Dubai
3. Where ever they're holding GenCon

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Calien
2. Jenny
3. Nicholas

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. Have sex
2. Have a go at the saxophone again
3. Be in a musical. That would be nice.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I game
2. I like having short hair, is fuss free
3. I hate wearing skirts

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I like window shopping
2. I like having my nails done
3. I scream at the sight of a cockroach

THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2. Erm, none really
3.

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. The guy who plays Cedric Diggory
3. The guy who plays Viktor Krum (yes, I recently saw GoF)

Tagg~
Jerrick
Tora
Bern
Rosie
Amanda

I just came from reading this post off KC's blog and just had to comment.

I'm surprised at how a lot of what Khayce says is not generally taken as self-evident. A lot of violence is about control rather than inflicting pain, in the same way rape is about power and not sex.

Here is an excerpt off the original post:

Those who know me would know that I never sympathise with women who are in abusive relationships. Of course I am speaking of women who choose to be in abusive relationships, who despite the fact that their spouses/boyfriends treat them like dirt, continue to remain in the relationship for whatever reason. I don't include in this list women who are in it by coercion, women who are in it due to blackmail (even these I wonder why doesn't she just go to the cops), etc. I am speaking specifically of girls who "like bad boys" and then cry buckets over a busted lip.

Now, there is a lot of unpacking to be done here. I am familiar with the type of phenomenon Hades refers to. Some girls do tend to be attracted to men who are less than fine, upstanding pillars of the community. I myself have been nursing a secret crush on someone I know is Not Good For Me, as readers of this blog may have noticed. But to imagine that this sometimes unfortunate tendency of women to go out with 'bad boys' to be the only reason why abused women stay in relationships is somewhat oversimplifying the issue.

I agree with many of the arguments raised by KC and so will not go over the most obvious ones again. (i.e. abusive partners do not necessary look like gangsters, it starts small... etc) Here is what I wrote in his comments page:

I agree that Hades' argument is somewhat flawed. It reveals a certain lack of understanding of human psychology. I went and posted a comment before I read the rest of your post, but didn't bring that point up. Instead I pointed out that the material circumstances surrounding the victim may be a deciding factor in whether to go or stay-- some women literally have no place else to go and could end up on the streets. Of course we could argue that there is no lack of organisations who dedicate themselves to the cause of supporting victims of domestic violence, but if we are to be realistic and look at the demographics, most abused (let's be honest) women aren't very educated and are from very poor backgrounds with little family support. To their minds these organisations may even end up taking sides with the abusive partner! Oh heck it, I'm gonna continue this on Glor's blog.

*I am aware that this last point (idea that authorities may side with abusive partner) may need some elaboration as it is not immediately obvious how this could be. However, I seriously can't be bothered. The literature is out there, this phenomenon is fairly well-documented and accepted, take it as you will.*

The physical conditions mentioned above, I would argue, are only a small albeit important part of the picture. Control isn't all physical. Sometimes, it doesn't even need to be consciously exerted. Violence is one tool for the exercise of control. Threats do not have to be physical. Control doesn't even have to emanate from a person, it may be self-imposed. Consider the sometimes oppressive feeling in our very own society that we have no choice to do well in school, to do well at work, to frame our interests in a way that is acceptable to general society. (On a side note, I'd just like to point out that 'rebelling' against something and declaring yourself 'wierd' and 'alternative' reaffirms the thing against which one rebels in the first place). Of course I speak of societal pressures, but no one is consciously going around telling people what they can or cannot do; the pressure is systemic. I use the word 'control' here loosely, to indicate the forces by which a person's choices may be circumscribed.

Take this down to the micro-level of family. I would go so far as to argue that the psychological aspects of control, which are more insidious and also more widespread, are the major cause of abused women staying in destructive relationships. Khayce has eloquently made the point (in fewer words than I, sadly for me) that it starts small, and before you know it, you don't actually have a support network. Those of us who have been in long term relationships know how easy it is to put our partners first, especially if said partners appear to need/want support. Just think of this common scenario: man says I love you, can't live without you, you are the only one who understands me and all that I have. Soon, all your attention and energy goes toward making this person happy. There is a term for this in pop-psych circles: emotional vampirism. After you have invested so much into a relationship, it is difficult to give it all up. Being able to 'take someone for granted' is in fact a measure of control. Obviously, having very happy times and great make-up sex in between only compounds this difficulty.

Hey, don't knock it. It may seem very evident to us what's going on in such relationships, but to those involved, it might appear part of the 'ups and downs' that all couples go through. After all, what strengthens a relationship more than a little drama? In truth, sometimes the martyred feeling one gets on seeing your partner through a difficult patch gives us the impression(illusion?) that one is being a good and loyal girlfriend/boyfriend. Hands up those who've been told, 'she's making use of you!' who've said, 'no lah, I'm just being a good *fill in blank* to her'. What do I say? Control.

Hades would probably argue, fair enough that emotional manipulation on the part of abusive partners may be why their victims stick around, but when it starts getting physical, surely it is time ot leave? I agree. I think most sensible women would have a strong enough sense of self-preservation to leave. To some extent it is the woman's own fault if she stubbornly refuses to listen to her friends and family and refuses to open her eyes to the true situation. But we have to acknowledge that there are many other factors at play here, including the possible presence of kids and ther material exigencies.

Arguably, being subject to psychological violence short of physcial violence may be even more damaging on a woman's psyche than being hit all the time. The constant threat of something can be more terrifying than the actual thing happening. Living in a city which is collectively holding its breath in constant preparation for a terrorist attack teaches you that most violence occurs in the realm of the mind.

Have you read of instances where women actually fall in love with their rapists? That's a totally different point but the idea is the same-- it's all in the mind and sometimes completely irrational. One other thing to take away from this discussion is that there should be no value-judgment when dealing with such strange phenomenon. Maybe this is a wishy-washy GP-type view that I'm advocating (or maybe just cos I'm a girl), but I truly think that allocating blame is seriously counter-productive. I know we can't help it because that's just the way we think; there's lots of research to show that polemic discourse is the norm in most cultures, but there are people at stake here, and the way out is to seek to understand, not to condemn.

Wah lau. I think I have reminded myself why I don't blog anymore. Takes too damn long man. Now I have to rush for dinner and tango class. Few disclaimers before I go out of sheer habit: any references to gender should be taken to refer to members of either/both sex. Statements should be read in context of earlier discussions on this theme (linked above).

Here I am again, frantically wasting time. I've got a late assignment that I haven't started and a few pieces of work tomorrow. AT this rate I'll have to skip my tango class. (Noooo!Do work after this, promise.)

THIS IS TOR. Glor, btw, how do you do a heading on top of each post?

I feel like this is such a cop out, being so uncreative and just doing memes/quizzes rather than posting a finely-crafted blog entry like the ones I like to read: *plug!*www.pinkerskies.blogspot.com and www.purpleslug.blogspot.com* for a limited time only. More stuff to be found there that's more elegantly written than I have the time to/can manage.

So here goes, since purpleslug tagged me (and I don't even have a blog wah lau)

BTW IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT ON THIS IS TOR. (So clumsy, so clumsy, but what to do?)

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Toeya
2. TOR
3. Aziraphale

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Israphale
2. TOR
3. the dirty ho (yes yes, in a situation where there was more than 1) (ok enough already) (no, I'm not going to tell you where)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair
2. My eyes
3. The roll of fat around my tummy which I knead and squish-- it's strangely comforting and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost that fat.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My big nose with open pores that i can't seem to close no matter how much toner
2. My roll of fat
3. My total klutziness. It's really annoying. I'd like to be graceful but looks like none of my genes are primed for that.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Singaporean
2. catholic
3. how i find the post-colonialist discourse intuitive

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. cockroaches
2. getting burgled again and possibly getting hurt
3. Ju On

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. water
2. bolbol
3. something interesting to think about

THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. jeans, black sleeveless T
2. suede boots
3. black fake leather jacket

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Goodnight Moon, Shivaree
2. Staple it together, Jack Johnson
There's a line from this song that I really like, 'He stabbed a moment in the back/
With a brown thumb tack/ That held up the list of things he gotta do'
3. Por una cabeza, from the Scent of a Woman OST

THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus
2. Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl, Tracy Quan
3. Labyrinths, Jorge Luis Borges

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. sex
2. lots and lots of anticipation for the sex
3. destructive mind games
Does it seem obvious to anyone yet that I don't want a relationship right now?

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can speak mandarin
2. I like equivocating
3. I'm so bad at lying

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes, yes cliched, but really, what do you expect? plus relatively pleasant features obviously
2. nice broad, strong set of shoulders
3. good hair, right hair for look. I've been so frustrated with James' hair or lack thereof that I've decided to make this a criterion. I am not dating any guys with the wrong hair. sorry.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. enjoying bolbol
2. destructive mind games
3. wandering around doing nothing in particular

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Do all my homework before 7pm
2. Go to my tango class (it's very therapeutic)
3. have a drink

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. writer/journalist (haven't we all?)
2. doctor/brain surgeon
3. high class call girl (but haven't got what it takes lah. who'd be willing to spend £1000 for a night with me? wah lau)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. This is an impossible category, but ok, top is NY, again.
2. Barcelona (really can't believe I still haven't been)
3. Vienna, but not before I'm ready

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. I really don't like kids. Ok, at best I'm indifferent. But here goes, Prudence,
2. Hope
3. Strawberry

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. go cow-pushing. ask the nearest aussie what this means
2. dance a really good tango with someone I really like
3. just one last go on the stage-- a swansong

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I flirt with girls
2. I am quite insensitive
3. I don't really give a damn

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I like skirts and nice heels
2. I would NEVER EVER shave my head-- too vain
3. I actually like flowers

THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2.Aiyah, same answer as purpleslug
3.

THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. Brad Pitt (ok, sorry, sorry)
3. Tom Cruise (ok, sorry sorry, very old school I know, but classic lah) (anyway my Boy looked a bit like him-- haha, why is it not surprising that he was a player?)

I tag
Nanashee
Glor
I'm not interested in anyone else's and I won't ask almostinfamous cos he's prolly too busy

More later, I suppose I should do a proper post then.

TOR HERE

Well, that's that and it's all one. Spent most of these couple of weeks dealing with James who keeps wanting to make up and carry on, but the echoing phrase, 'Too little too late' says it all.

In other news, the most interesting thing happened yesterday. First, David Blunkett resigned, then, I met a theatre director while having coffee at my usual coffee place who was looking for a girl with an authentic Sgean/Malaysian accent for his upcoming play! Haha! How cool is that? He invited me to audition in two weeks' time.

It's not a big part or whatever but I'm jumping at the chance to speak singlish on stage in london! How cool would that be?! The funny thing is when I was chatting to him he couldn't tell where I was from but when I said I was from SG he said, oh, do you know anyone who speaks Singlish? I gave him a queer look, as one does, and said, hello? Me! And said the most SGean thing I could think of, 'wah lau, you think what?', and he roared!

Funny hor?

Glad you're enjoying yourself Glor. I'm still feeling flat post-breakup and post-go-insane mode. Not having my passport is a bit of a chore too, I'm visiting people in the UK instead since I can't leave the country. Hopefully I will have it back again by the time you get here. I might be able to wrangle us a space on Florian's floor in Munich and we can chou re nao at the famous Christmas market, or we can be romantic together in wintry Paris. I think I will have to invite myself to a friend's house for Christmas (so sad right?) cos I just can't stand the thought of spending it just smashed out of my brain in london (cos that's really the only thing you can do in london for christmas). Not being home for christmas is really sad.

God damn it! Mirrormask is screened here December 8, when I'm in London! Only on 2 screens, at that! (information courtesy of Gaiman's blog) Damn this!! I really don't want to resort to looking for the torrent, it's the sort of thing you'd want to catch on the big screen, after all. Damn and blast it!!

It's not just this I'll be missing. 3 weeks of Ars Magica plus the year end cosplay as well. And I -was- so looking forward to seeing new/old faces at cosplay too... And what if the World of Warcraft Burning Crusade is out by then?!

Then again, even if someone gave me a free WoW account, it wouldn't make things better.

Aargh! I'm going to miss Mirrormask!!!

(15 minutes later)

Oh. It's showing -from- the 8th to the 31st. So I can watch it after all~!!!11oneone

And all is right within the world.

The hols have started! On with the busy festive months! I love the feeling of -doing- things. Like runnng errands or Christmas shopping in town, where there are people everywhere and you're just zipping from place to place, working through the crowd like a Kender.

A whirl of bags and stream of phone calls... left, right, and a left again, to the underpass then waltzing out into the sunlight and weaving past a gaggle of teenagers, a family with a crying child, past the lovers sharing an ice cream...

I love this Christmas, not having to worry about taking care of my voice or the over packed scheduele.

Been in town alot recently, due to sick aunt staying at Mount E. Strolling through the streets arm in arm with my younger cousin Peter this evening. Got a balloon off his younger sister. Is bobbing on my finger as I type right now! The giant Taka tree is out, decor soon to come.

Away in a manger, no crib for a bed...

I'm starting to remember why I loved Christmas as a child...

Am through to next year! By the skin of my teeth, so have to continue mugging. Somebody kill me please!

I like Econs. Really, I do. And I'm not just saying this because Wen might read this journal either. But, it's just so damned difficult to do. So I've to go for more tuition this holiday. On the bright side, Wen was nice about me failing. Wen's the best tuition teacher ever~!

So like that lah. Think I've to bring homework over to London. Bleah.

Rumours say that Mirrormask was going to be brought to Singapore, but haven't seen publicity for it yet. Judging by the response to Gaiman's trip here, they should recognise that there is a market to be exploited. I -do- hope that it eventually gets here. Keyword here being eventually.

Did you know that the director for Brothers Grmm did The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (if that's how you spell it)? I loved that movie. Never seen the DVD around though. The scene where the baron took rope from the top of the rope they were climbing down of, will never cease to amuse me.

You ah. I'm worried about you leh. Don't be depressed ok? I'll come and pester you in a few months, then you'll be too embarrased to be seen with your scruffy teenaged sister to be lonely. *hugg~

Oh, by the way. Got this off LiveJournal (I do have an account there you know).

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

(Feel free to repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.)

TOR AGAIN!

Argh! Forgot to say that I've got the LAST ticket for Mirrormask on the 1st of Nov. I can hardly believe it myself. I knew it was coming with the London Film Festival and was just talking about booking tickets, but forgot. So this morning I woke up bright and early, went down to leicester square, and tried to get tickets for all the other shows I want to watch too.

'Ok, the most important is Mirrormask', I said. 'Oops, sold out.' 'What?! No. You're kidding me. Please be kidding me.' 'Wait I'll check. Oh... there's one left.'

'I'll take it!'

So now Mirrormask is all sold out, 1 and 1/2 weeks before it is due to show. Cost me £10. I'm also gonna see is Everything is Illuminated and the Brothers Grimm. Will report back on how it goes.

THIS IS TOR

I maintain that a little bit of navel-gazing now and then, the occassional bout of introspection, is healthy, even necessary, in a well-adjusted person. As a wise man once said, there's nothing wrong with being self-absorbed if you are interesting enough to justify it.

So it comes to pass that at some point in the lifetimes of every girl who is sufficiently self-aware, this question must be asked: which character am I in Sex and the City?

The other day five such individuals were making merry in a Holborn pub after a hard day's work. That entailed serious discussions on topics ranging from the most interesting place we've ever had sex in, to the nature of our desire to be like, or to live the lives of, television characters.

The answer to the first was a draw between 'under a weeping willow in a Montreal garden' and 'the backseat of a car on the Brighton sea front'. The answer to the other was slightly tricker.

Nick pointed out that for the boys, it was in fact not one question but two. Which girl would you like to be with, versus which girl you would eventually end up with. Unsurprisingly, they plumped for a night with Samantha but a lifetime with Carrie.

However, the girls as one said, 'Miranda'. Generally considered by men to be the least conventionally attractive of the group, yet the most intelligent and career-oriented, we identified with her the most.

But something struck me and I turned to nick-- girls have two levels also. Everyone wants to be Carrie but we can't say that that's who we are in case guys take one look at us and go, 'huh'. We all want to be pretty and fun, carefree and creative, effortlessly stylish and intelligent and strong.

But the bunch of us here, we've sold out. We don't dare say we're pretty and fun. We may say we're reasonably attractive (as indeed that's what I think of myself), and good conversationalists, but pretty and fun? No. We set store by our intellect, our ambition, our independence, our mannish qualities. Our confidence does not derive from our looks. We do not practise the art of the smile and glance, play the coquette, ask for lights for our cigarettes. We are to be men's colleagues, first, and their love interests second. They must know us for what we do, then, who we are. 'Carefree and creative' are not words to describe the image of the City lawyer we will all be. We're afraid to be Carrie. We might've been, once, or could be, in the future, but that is not who we are.

So he shakes his head, "ah! the fatalism of the young!" Why trap yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy? I could hardly bear to tell him that this is all we know.