Right, haven't had time to blog. Been busy playing World of Warcraft, trying to get to level 30 before the person who owns the account moves back to San Fran and starts playing in the hours that I can play too. 5 more levels to go! I've an undead fire mage, anyone on Icecrown pst me!
In any case, am leaving this Friday for London, to visit my sister. (I just msged you the details!) Hopefully I'll get back in one piece. Hope also to have lots of adventure and excitment and do some really froody things~!!11one
And not have my sister flunk her exams in the process.
I'll be bringing back lots of chocolate for people. Classmates, mostly. And both sides of the family, maybe for gaming crew also. Seems nice and general and safe and everyone likes chocolate really. Or fudge. Come on, you know you want it.
Speaking of classmates, haven't got time to mail cards this year, damn! Guess I'll do it next year. And not done with shopping yet either. Suppose I'll squeeze it in when I get back. Will meet up with people like Rosie and Amanda when I get back too. Also trying to figure out how to mail Tora's present when we get it. Oy, got no one going down this Christmas right, Tora?
So. Am alive and well, just haven't been blogging much.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Gloria
2. Glor/Gor
3. Groria
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Aargh~!
2. Ack.
3. "please insert angsty teenage quote here"
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hands
2. The shade of my skin
3. How easy it is to make people laugh
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My big nose with open pores that i can't seem to close no matter how much toner
2. Being careless
3. My ridged nails
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Singaporean
2. Catholic
3. Peranakan
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. The dark
2. Pulling too much aggro. Is bad for us mage cloth wearing types
3. Being forcibly introduced to really really hot guys. Like Terence's nephews, the Hang Ten twins. Well, one of them. I had to hide behind Gee, literally. Is convenient to have friends who weigh about 100 kg. And Terence is Evil.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Sleep
2. My glasses
3. Light
THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. My glasses
2. IJ shorts
3. Oversized crane tee-shirt I made Gee give me
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
2. I'm not that Girl - Wicked, the musical
3. Lullaby - the Cure
THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
2. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett (yeah, I got them both off you, Khayce. Will be bringing a couple to London, if you don't mind? Richard said it was ok. You'll get them back in the same condition.)
3. The Trinity main book, it's a White Wolf game.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Interesting conversation, being well-read would be a bonus here
2. The other party to make space for my game time
3. The other party to not think I'm an idiot
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can speak mandarin
2. I'm secretly still bi
3. People can't keep up with me in a crowd
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. A nice smile
2. To be able to feel that funny groove on the back, at the backbone
3. Kissable lips
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Being left alone to read. Even in a noisy classroom, just don't talk to me. Students have to be able to do things like that.
2. Gaming
3. Running errands alone, so people don't slow me down
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. A dungeon. Maybe WC (since we went there by accident the other time) or SFK.
2. A manicure
3. Finish up Christmas shopping
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Physiotherapist
2. Tako pachi flipper (I hope you recognise that reference, Tora)
3. Geologist
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Egypt, to visit the pyramids
2. That 7 star hotel in Dubai
3. Where ever they're holding GenCon
THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Calien
2. Jenny
3. Nicholas
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. Have sex
2. Have a go at the saxophone again
3. Be in a musical. That would be nice.
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I game
2. I like having short hair, is fuss free
3. I hate wearing skirts
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I like window shopping
2. I like having my nails done
3. I scream at the sight of a cockroach
THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2. Erm, none really
3.
THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. The guy who plays Cedric Diggory
3. The guy who plays Viktor Krum (yes, I recently saw GoF)
Tagg~
Jerrick
Tora
Bern
Rosie
Amanda
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
I just came from reading this post off KC's blog and just had to comment.
I'm surprised at how a lot of what Khayce says is not generally taken as self-evident. A lot of violence is about control rather than inflicting pain, in the same way rape is about power and not sex.
Here is an excerpt off the original post:
Those who know me would know that I never sympathise with women who are in abusive relationships. Of course I am speaking of women who choose to be in abusive relationships, who despite the fact that their spouses/boyfriends treat them like dirt, continue to remain in the relationship for whatever reason. I don't include in this list women who are in it by coercion, women who are in it due to blackmail (even these I wonder why doesn't she just go to the cops), etc. I am speaking specifically of girls who "like bad boys" and then cry buckets over a busted lip.
Now, there is a lot of unpacking to be done here. I am familiar with the type of phenomenon Hades refers to. Some girls do tend to be attracted to men who are less than fine, upstanding pillars of the community. I myself have been nursing a secret crush on someone I know is Not Good For Me, as readers of this blog may have noticed. But to imagine that this sometimes unfortunate tendency of women to go out with 'bad boys' to be the only reason why abused women stay in relationships is somewhat oversimplifying the issue.
I agree with many of the arguments raised by KC and so will not go over the most obvious ones again. (i.e. abusive partners do not necessary look like gangsters, it starts small... etc) Here is what I wrote in his comments page:
I agree that Hades' argument is somewhat flawed. It reveals a certain lack of understanding of human psychology. I went and posted a comment before I read the rest of your post, but didn't bring that point up. Instead I pointed out that the material circumstances surrounding the victim may be a deciding factor in whether to go or stay-- some women literally have no place else to go and could end up on the streets. Of course we could argue that there is no lack of organisations who dedicate themselves to the cause of supporting victims of domestic violence, but if we are to be realistic and look at the demographics, most abused (let's be honest) women aren't very educated and are from very poor backgrounds with little family support. To their minds these organisations may even end up taking sides with the abusive partner! Oh heck it, I'm gonna continue this on Glor's blog.
*I am aware that this last point (idea that authorities may side with abusive partner) may need some elaboration as it is not immediately obvious how this could be. However, I seriously can't be bothered. The literature is out there, this phenomenon is fairly well-documented and accepted, take it as you will.*
The physical conditions mentioned above, I would argue, are only a small albeit important part of the picture. Control isn't all physical. Sometimes, it doesn't even need to be consciously exerted. Violence is one tool for the exercise of control. Threats do not have to be physical. Control doesn't even have to emanate from a person, it may be self-imposed. Consider the sometimes oppressive feeling in our very own society that we have no choice to do well in school, to do well at work, to frame our interests in a way that is acceptable to general society. (On a side note, I'd just like to point out that 'rebelling' against something and declaring yourself 'wierd' and 'alternative' reaffirms the thing against which one rebels in the first place). Of course I speak of societal pressures, but no one is consciously going around telling people what they can or cannot do; the pressure is systemic. I use the word 'control' here loosely, to indicate the forces by which a person's choices may be circumscribed.
Take this down to the micro-level of family. I would go so far as to argue that the psychological aspects of control, which are more insidious and also more widespread, are the major cause of abused women staying in destructive relationships. Khayce has eloquently made the point (in fewer words than I, sadly for me) that it starts small, and before you know it, you don't actually have a support network. Those of us who have been in long term relationships know how easy it is to put our partners first, especially if said partners appear to need/want support. Just think of this common scenario: man says I love you, can't live without you, you are the only one who understands me and all that I have. Soon, all your attention and energy goes toward making this person happy. There is a term for this in pop-psych circles: emotional vampirism. After you have invested so much into a relationship, it is difficult to give it all up. Being able to 'take someone for granted' is in fact a measure of control. Obviously, having very happy times and great make-up sex in between only compounds this difficulty.
Hey, don't knock it. It may seem very evident to us what's going on in such relationships, but to those involved, it might appear part of the 'ups and downs' that all couples go through. After all, what strengthens a relationship more than a little drama? In truth, sometimes the martyred feeling one gets on seeing your partner through a difficult patch gives us the impression(illusion?) that one is being a good and loyal girlfriend/boyfriend. Hands up those who've been told, 'she's making use of you!' who've said, 'no lah, I'm just being a good *fill in blank* to her'. What do I say? Control.
Hades would probably argue, fair enough that emotional manipulation on the part of abusive partners may be why their victims stick around, but when it starts getting physical, surely it is time ot leave? I agree. I think most sensible women would have a strong enough sense of self-preservation to leave. To some extent it is the woman's own fault if she stubbornly refuses to listen to her friends and family and refuses to open her eyes to the true situation. But we have to acknowledge that there are many other factors at play here, including the possible presence of kids and ther material exigencies.
Arguably, being subject to psychological violence short of physcial violence may be even more damaging on a woman's psyche than being hit all the time. The constant threat of something can be more terrifying than the actual thing happening. Living in a city which is collectively holding its breath in constant preparation for a terrorist attack teaches you that most violence occurs in the realm of the mind.
Have you read of instances where women actually fall in love with their rapists? That's a totally different point but the idea is the same-- it's all in the mind and sometimes completely irrational. One other thing to take away from this discussion is that there should be no value-judgment when dealing with such strange phenomenon. Maybe this is a wishy-washy GP-type view that I'm advocating (or maybe just cos I'm a girl), but I truly think that allocating blame is seriously counter-productive. I know we can't help it because that's just the way we think; there's lots of research to show that polemic discourse is the norm in most cultures, but there are people at stake here, and the way out is to seek to understand, not to condemn.
Wah lau. I think I have reminded myself why I don't blog anymore. Takes too damn long man. Now I have to rush for dinner and tango class. Few disclaimers before I go out of sheer habit: any references to gender should be taken to refer to members of either/both sex. Statements should be read in context of earlier discussions on this theme (linked above).
I'm surprised at how a lot of what Khayce says is not generally taken as self-evident. A lot of violence is about control rather than inflicting pain, in the same way rape is about power and not sex.
Here is an excerpt off the original post:
Those who know me would know that I never sympathise with women who are in abusive relationships. Of course I am speaking of women who choose to be in abusive relationships, who despite the fact that their spouses/boyfriends treat them like dirt, continue to remain in the relationship for whatever reason. I don't include in this list women who are in it by coercion, women who are in it due to blackmail (even these I wonder why doesn't she just go to the cops), etc. I am speaking specifically of girls who "like bad boys" and then cry buckets over a busted lip.
Now, there is a lot of unpacking to be done here. I am familiar with the type of phenomenon Hades refers to. Some girls do tend to be attracted to men who are less than fine, upstanding pillars of the community. I myself have been nursing a secret crush on someone I know is Not Good For Me, as readers of this blog may have noticed. But to imagine that this sometimes unfortunate tendency of women to go out with 'bad boys' to be the only reason why abused women stay in relationships is somewhat oversimplifying the issue.
I agree with many of the arguments raised by KC and so will not go over the most obvious ones again. (i.e. abusive partners do not necessary look like gangsters, it starts small... etc) Here is what I wrote in his comments page:
I agree that Hades' argument is somewhat flawed. It reveals a certain lack of understanding of human psychology. I went and posted a comment before I read the rest of your post, but didn't bring that point up. Instead I pointed out that the material circumstances surrounding the victim may be a deciding factor in whether to go or stay-- some women literally have no place else to go and could end up on the streets. Of course we could argue that there is no lack of organisations who dedicate themselves to the cause of supporting victims of domestic violence, but if we are to be realistic and look at the demographics, most abused (let's be honest) women aren't very educated and are from very poor backgrounds with little family support. To their minds these organisations may even end up taking sides with the abusive partner! Oh heck it, I'm gonna continue this on Glor's blog.
*I am aware that this last point (idea that authorities may side with abusive partner) may need some elaboration as it is not immediately obvious how this could be. However, I seriously can't be bothered. The literature is out there, this phenomenon is fairly well-documented and accepted, take it as you will.*
The physical conditions mentioned above, I would argue, are only a small albeit important part of the picture. Control isn't all physical. Sometimes, it doesn't even need to be consciously exerted. Violence is one tool for the exercise of control. Threats do not have to be physical. Control doesn't even have to emanate from a person, it may be self-imposed. Consider the sometimes oppressive feeling in our very own society that we have no choice to do well in school, to do well at work, to frame our interests in a way that is acceptable to general society. (On a side note, I'd just like to point out that 'rebelling' against something and declaring yourself 'wierd' and 'alternative' reaffirms the thing against which one rebels in the first place). Of course I speak of societal pressures, but no one is consciously going around telling people what they can or cannot do; the pressure is systemic. I use the word 'control' here loosely, to indicate the forces by which a person's choices may be circumscribed.
Take this down to the micro-level of family. I would go so far as to argue that the psychological aspects of control, which are more insidious and also more widespread, are the major cause of abused women staying in destructive relationships. Khayce has eloquently made the point (in fewer words than I, sadly for me) that it starts small, and before you know it, you don't actually have a support network. Those of us who have been in long term relationships know how easy it is to put our partners first, especially if said partners appear to need/want support. Just think of this common scenario: man says I love you, can't live without you, you are the only one who understands me and all that I have. Soon, all your attention and energy goes toward making this person happy. There is a term for this in pop-psych circles: emotional vampirism. After you have invested so much into a relationship, it is difficult to give it all up. Being able to 'take someone for granted' is in fact a measure of control. Obviously, having very happy times and great make-up sex in between only compounds this difficulty.
Hey, don't knock it. It may seem very evident to us what's going on in such relationships, but to those involved, it might appear part of the 'ups and downs' that all couples go through. After all, what strengthens a relationship more than a little drama? In truth, sometimes the martyred feeling one gets on seeing your partner through a difficult patch gives us the impression(illusion?) that one is being a good and loyal girlfriend/boyfriend. Hands up those who've been told, 'she's making use of you!' who've said, 'no lah, I'm just being a good *fill in blank* to her'. What do I say? Control.
Hades would probably argue, fair enough that emotional manipulation on the part of abusive partners may be why their victims stick around, but when it starts getting physical, surely it is time ot leave? I agree. I think most sensible women would have a strong enough sense of self-preservation to leave. To some extent it is the woman's own fault if she stubbornly refuses to listen to her friends and family and refuses to open her eyes to the true situation. But we have to acknowledge that there are many other factors at play here, including the possible presence of kids and ther material exigencies.
Arguably, being subject to psychological violence short of physcial violence may be even more damaging on a woman's psyche than being hit all the time. The constant threat of something can be more terrifying than the actual thing happening. Living in a city which is collectively holding its breath in constant preparation for a terrorist attack teaches you that most violence occurs in the realm of the mind.
Have you read of instances where women actually fall in love with their rapists? That's a totally different point but the idea is the same-- it's all in the mind and sometimes completely irrational. One other thing to take away from this discussion is that there should be no value-judgment when dealing with such strange phenomenon. Maybe this is a wishy-washy GP-type view that I'm advocating (or maybe just cos I'm a girl), but I truly think that allocating blame is seriously counter-productive. I know we can't help it because that's just the way we think; there's lots of research to show that polemic discourse is the norm in most cultures, but there are people at stake here, and the way out is to seek to understand, not to condemn.
Wah lau. I think I have reminded myself why I don't blog anymore. Takes too damn long man. Now I have to rush for dinner and tango class. Few disclaimers before I go out of sheer habit: any references to gender should be taken to refer to members of either/both sex. Statements should be read in context of earlier discussions on this theme (linked above).
Friday, November 18, 2005
Here I am again, frantically wasting time. I've got a late assignment that I haven't started and a few pieces of work tomorrow. AT this rate I'll have to skip my tango class. (Noooo!Do work after this, promise.)
THIS IS TOR. Glor, btw, how do you do a heading on top of each post?
I feel like this is such a cop out, being so uncreative and just doing memes/quizzes rather than posting a finely-crafted blog entry like the ones I like to read: *plug!*www.pinkerskies.blogspot.com and www.purpleslug.blogspot.com* for a limited time only. More stuff to be found there that's more elegantly written than I have the time to/can manage.
So here goes, since purpleslug tagged me (and I don't even have a blog wah lau)
BTW IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT ON THIS IS TOR. (So clumsy, so clumsy, but what to do?)
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Toeya
2. TOR
3. Aziraphale
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Israphale
2. TOR
3. the dirty ho (yes yes, in a situation where there was more than 1) (ok enough already) (no, I'm not going to tell you where)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair
2. My eyes
3. The roll of fat around my tummy which I knead and squish-- it's strangely comforting and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost that fat.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My big nose with open pores that i can't seem to close no matter how much toner
2. My roll of fat
3. My total klutziness. It's really annoying. I'd like to be graceful but looks like none of my genes are primed for that.
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Singaporean
2. catholic
3. how i find the post-colonialist discourse intuitive
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. cockroaches
2. getting burgled again and possibly getting hurt
3. Ju On
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. water
2. bolbol
3. something interesting to think about
THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. jeans, black sleeveless T
2. suede boots
3. black fake leather jacket
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Goodnight Moon, Shivaree
2. Staple it together, Jack Johnson
There's a line from this song that I really like, 'He stabbed a moment in the back/
With a brown thumb tack/ That held up the list of things he gotta do'
3. Por una cabeza, from the Scent of a Woman OST
THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus
2. Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl, Tracy Quan
3. Labyrinths, Jorge Luis Borges
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. sex
2. lots and lots of anticipation for the sex
3. destructive mind games
Does it seem obvious to anyone yet that I don't want a relationship right now?
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can speak mandarin
2. I like equivocating
3. I'm so bad at lying
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes, yes cliched, but really, what do you expect? plus relatively pleasant features obviously
2. nice broad, strong set of shoulders
3. good hair, right hair for look. I've been so frustrated with James' hair or lack thereof that I've decided to make this a criterion. I am not dating any guys with the wrong hair. sorry.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. enjoying bolbol
2. destructive mind games
3. wandering around doing nothing in particular
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Do all my homework before 7pm
2. Go to my tango class (it's very therapeutic)
3. have a drink
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. writer/journalist (haven't we all?)
2. doctor/brain surgeon
3. high class call girl (but haven't got what it takes lah. who'd be willing to spend £1000 for a night with me? wah lau)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. This is an impossible category, but ok, top is NY, again.
2. Barcelona (really can't believe I still haven't been)
3. Vienna, but not before I'm ready
THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. I really don't like kids. Ok, at best I'm indifferent. But here goes, Prudence,
2. Hope
3. Strawberry
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. go cow-pushing. ask the nearest aussie what this means
2. dance a really good tango with someone I really like
3. just one last go on the stage-- a swansong
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I flirt with girls
2. I am quite insensitive
3. I don't really give a damn
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I like skirts and nice heels
2. I would NEVER EVER shave my head-- too vain
3. I actually like flowers
THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2.Aiyah, same answer as purpleslug
3.
THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. Brad Pitt (ok, sorry, sorry)
3. Tom Cruise (ok, sorry sorry, very old school I know, but classic lah) (anyway my Boy looked a bit like him-- haha, why is it not surprising that he was a player?)
I tag
Nanashee
Glor
I'm not interested in anyone else's and I won't ask almostinfamous cos he's prolly too busy
More later, I suppose I should do a proper post then.
THIS IS TOR. Glor, btw, how do you do a heading on top of each post?
I feel like this is such a cop out, being so uncreative and just doing memes/quizzes rather than posting a finely-crafted blog entry like the ones I like to read: *plug!*www.pinkerskies.blogspot.com and www.purpleslug.blogspot.com* for a limited time only. More stuff to be found there that's more elegantly written than I have the time to/can manage.
So here goes, since purpleslug tagged me (and I don't even have a blog wah lau)
BTW IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT ON THIS IS TOR. (So clumsy, so clumsy, but what to do?)
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Toeya
2. TOR
3. Aziraphale
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Israphale
2. TOR
3. the dirty ho (yes yes, in a situation where there was more than 1) (ok enough already) (no, I'm not going to tell you where)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair
2. My eyes
3. The roll of fat around my tummy which I knead and squish-- it's strangely comforting and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost that fat.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My big nose with open pores that i can't seem to close no matter how much toner
2. My roll of fat
3. My total klutziness. It's really annoying. I'd like to be graceful but looks like none of my genes are primed for that.
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Singaporean
2. catholic
3. how i find the post-colonialist discourse intuitive
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. cockroaches
2. getting burgled again and possibly getting hurt
3. Ju On
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. water
2. bolbol
3. something interesting to think about
THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. jeans, black sleeveless T
2. suede boots
3. black fake leather jacket
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently, anyway):
1. Goodnight Moon, Shivaree
2. Staple it together, Jack Johnson
There's a line from this song that I really like, 'He stabbed a moment in the back/
With a brown thumb tack/ That held up the list of things he gotta do'
3. Por una cabeza, from the Scent of a Woman OST
THREE BOOKS YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING:
1. The Myth of Sisyphus, Albert Camus
2. Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl, Tracy Quan
3. Labyrinths, Jorge Luis Borges
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. sex
2. lots and lots of anticipation for the sex
3. destructive mind games
Does it seem obvious to anyone yet that I don't want a relationship right now?
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I can speak mandarin
2. I like equivocating
3. I'm so bad at lying
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes, yes cliched, but really, what do you expect? plus relatively pleasant features obviously
2. nice broad, strong set of shoulders
3. good hair, right hair for look. I've been so frustrated with James' hair or lack thereof that I've decided to make this a criterion. I am not dating any guys with the wrong hair. sorry.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. enjoying bolbol
2. destructive mind games
3. wandering around doing nothing in particular
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Do all my homework before 7pm
2. Go to my tango class (it's very therapeutic)
3. have a drink
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. writer/journalist (haven't we all?)
2. doctor/brain surgeon
3. high class call girl (but haven't got what it takes lah. who'd be willing to spend £1000 for a night with me? wah lau)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. This is an impossible category, but ok, top is NY, again.
2. Barcelona (really can't believe I still haven't been)
3. Vienna, but not before I'm ready
THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. I really don't like kids. Ok, at best I'm indifferent. But here goes, Prudence,
2. Hope
3. Strawberry
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE (at least, not immediately BEFORE):
1. go cow-pushing. ask the nearest aussie what this means
2. dance a really good tango with someone I really like
3. just one last go on the stage-- a swansong
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I flirt with girls
2. I am quite insensitive
3. I don't really give a damn
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I like skirts and nice heels
2. I would NEVER EVER shave my head-- too vain
3. I actually like flowers
THREE FEMALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1.
2.Aiyah, same answer as purpleslug
3.
THREE MALE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. Brad Pitt (ok, sorry, sorry)
3. Tom Cruise (ok, sorry sorry, very old school I know, but classic lah) (anyway my Boy looked a bit like him-- haha, why is it not surprising that he was a player?)
I tag
Nanashee
Glor
I'm not interested in anyone else's and I won't ask almostinfamous cos he's prolly too busy
More later, I suppose I should do a proper post then.
Friday, November 04, 2005
TOR HERE
Well, that's that and it's all one. Spent most of these couple of weeks dealing with James who keeps wanting to make up and carry on, but the echoing phrase, 'Too little too late' says it all.
In other news, the most interesting thing happened yesterday. First, David Blunkett resigned, then, I met a theatre director while having coffee at my usual coffee place who was looking for a girl with an authentic Sgean/Malaysian accent for his upcoming play! Haha! How cool is that? He invited me to audition in two weeks' time.
It's not a big part or whatever but I'm jumping at the chance to speak singlish on stage in london! How cool would that be?! The funny thing is when I was chatting to him he couldn't tell where I was from but when I said I was from SG he said, oh, do you know anyone who speaks Singlish? I gave him a queer look, as one does, and said, hello? Me! And said the most SGean thing I could think of, 'wah lau, you think what?', and he roared!
Funny hor?
Glad you're enjoying yourself Glor. I'm still feeling flat post-breakup and post-go-insane mode. Not having my passport is a bit of a chore too, I'm visiting people in the UK instead since I can't leave the country. Hopefully I will have it back again by the time you get here. I might be able to wrangle us a space on Florian's floor in Munich and we can chou re nao at the famous Christmas market, or we can be romantic together in wintry Paris. I think I will have to invite myself to a friend's house for Christmas (so sad right?) cos I just can't stand the thought of spending it just smashed out of my brain in london (cos that's really the only thing you can do in london for christmas). Not being home for christmas is really sad.
Well, that's that and it's all one. Spent most of these couple of weeks dealing with James who keeps wanting to make up and carry on, but the echoing phrase, 'Too little too late' says it all.
In other news, the most interesting thing happened yesterday. First, David Blunkett resigned, then, I met a theatre director while having coffee at my usual coffee place who was looking for a girl with an authentic Sgean/Malaysian accent for his upcoming play! Haha! How cool is that? He invited me to audition in two weeks' time.
It's not a big part or whatever but I'm jumping at the chance to speak singlish on stage in london! How cool would that be?! The funny thing is when I was chatting to him he couldn't tell where I was from but when I said I was from SG he said, oh, do you know anyone who speaks Singlish? I gave him a queer look, as one does, and said, hello? Me! And said the most SGean thing I could think of, 'wah lau, you think what?', and he roared!
Funny hor?
Glad you're enjoying yourself Glor. I'm still feeling flat post-breakup and post-go-insane mode. Not having my passport is a bit of a chore too, I'm visiting people in the UK instead since I can't leave the country. Hopefully I will have it back again by the time you get here. I might be able to wrangle us a space on Florian's floor in Munich and we can chou re nao at the famous Christmas market, or we can be romantic together in wintry Paris. I think I will have to invite myself to a friend's house for Christmas (so sad right?) cos I just can't stand the thought of spending it just smashed out of my brain in london (cos that's really the only thing you can do in london for christmas). Not being home for christmas is really sad.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
God damn it! Mirrormask is screened here December 8, when I'm in London! Only on 2 screens, at that! (information courtesy of Gaiman's blog) Damn this!! I really don't want to resort to looking for the torrent, it's the sort of thing you'd want to catch on the big screen, after all. Damn and blast it!!
It's not just this I'll be missing. 3 weeks of Ars Magica plus the year end cosplay as well. And I -was- so looking forward to seeing new/old faces at cosplay too... And what if the World of Warcraft Burning Crusade is out by then?!
Then again, even if someone gave me a free WoW account, it wouldn't make things better.
Aargh! I'm going to miss Mirrormask!!!
(15 minutes later)
Oh. It's showing -from- the 8th to the 31st. So I can watch it after all~!!!11oneone
And all is right within the world.
It's not just this I'll be missing. 3 weeks of Ars Magica plus the year end cosplay as well. And I -was- so looking forward to seeing new/old faces at cosplay too... And what if the World of Warcraft Burning Crusade is out by then?!
Then again, even if someone gave me a free WoW account, it wouldn't make things better.
Aargh! I'm going to miss Mirrormask!!!
(15 minutes later)
Oh. It's showing -from- the 8th to the 31st. So I can watch it after all~!!!11oneone
And all is right within the world.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
The hols have started! On with the busy festive months! I love the feeling of -doing- things. Like runnng errands or Christmas shopping in town, where there are people everywhere and you're just zipping from place to place, working through the crowd like a Kender.
A whirl of bags and stream of phone calls... left, right, and a left again, to the underpass then waltzing out into the sunlight and weaving past a gaggle of teenagers, a family with a crying child, past the lovers sharing an ice cream...
I love this Christmas, not having to worry about taking care of my voice or the over packed scheduele.
Been in town alot recently, due to sick aunt staying at Mount E. Strolling through the streets arm in arm with my younger cousin Peter this evening. Got a balloon off his younger sister. Is bobbing on my finger as I type right now! The giant Taka tree is out, decor soon to come.
Away in a manger, no crib for a bed...
I'm starting to remember why I loved Christmas as a child...
A whirl of bags and stream of phone calls... left, right, and a left again, to the underpass then waltzing out into the sunlight and weaving past a gaggle of teenagers, a family with a crying child, past the lovers sharing an ice cream...
I love this Christmas, not having to worry about taking care of my voice or the over packed scheduele.
Been in town alot recently, due to sick aunt staying at Mount E. Strolling through the streets arm in arm with my younger cousin Peter this evening. Got a balloon off his younger sister. Is bobbing on my finger as I type right now! The giant Taka tree is out, decor soon to come.
Away in a manger, no crib for a bed...
I'm starting to remember why I loved Christmas as a child...
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Am through to next year! By the skin of my teeth, so have to continue mugging. Somebody kill me please!
I like Econs. Really, I do. And I'm not just saying this because Wen might read this journal either. But, it's just so damned difficult to do. So I've to go for more tuition this holiday. On the bright side, Wen was nice about me failing. Wen's the best tuition teacher ever~!
So like that lah. Think I've to bring homework over to London. Bleah.
Rumours say that Mirrormask was going to be brought to Singapore, but haven't seen publicity for it yet. Judging by the response to Gaiman's trip here, they should recognise that there is a market to be exploited. I -do- hope that it eventually gets here. Keyword here being eventually.
Did you know that the director for Brothers Grmm did The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (if that's how you spell it)? I loved that movie. Never seen the DVD around though. The scene where the baron took rope from the top of the rope they were climbing down of, will never cease to amuse me.
You ah. I'm worried about you leh. Don't be depressed ok? I'll come and pester you in a few months, then you'll be too embarrased to be seen with your scruffy teenaged sister to be lonely. *hugg~
Oh, by the way. Got this off LiveJournal (I do have an account there you know).
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
(Feel free to repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.)
I like Econs. Really, I do. And I'm not just saying this because Wen might read this journal either. But, it's just so damned difficult to do. So I've to go for more tuition this holiday. On the bright side, Wen was nice about me failing. Wen's the best tuition teacher ever~!
So like that lah. Think I've to bring homework over to London. Bleah.
Rumours say that Mirrormask was going to be brought to Singapore, but haven't seen publicity for it yet. Judging by the response to Gaiman's trip here, they should recognise that there is a market to be exploited. I -do- hope that it eventually gets here. Keyword here being eventually.
Did you know that the director for Brothers Grmm did The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (if that's how you spell it)? I loved that movie. Never seen the DVD around though. The scene where the baron took rope from the top of the rope they were climbing down of, will never cease to amuse me.
You ah. I'm worried about you leh. Don't be depressed ok? I'll come and pester you in a few months, then you'll be too embarrased to be seen with your scruffy teenaged sister to be lonely. *hugg~
Oh, by the way. Got this off LiveJournal (I do have an account there you know).
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
(Feel free to repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.)
Monday, October 24, 2005
TOR AGAIN!
Argh! Forgot to say that I've got the LAST ticket for Mirrormask on the 1st of Nov. I can hardly believe it myself. I knew it was coming with the London Film Festival and was just talking about booking tickets, but forgot. So this morning I woke up bright and early, went down to leicester square, and tried to get tickets for all the other shows I want to watch too.
'Ok, the most important is Mirrormask', I said. 'Oops, sold out.' 'What?! No. You're kidding me. Please be kidding me.' 'Wait I'll check. Oh... there's one left.'
'I'll take it!'
So now Mirrormask is all sold out, 1 and 1/2 weeks before it is due to show. Cost me £10. I'm also gonna see is Everything is Illuminated and the Brothers Grimm. Will report back on how it goes.
Argh! Forgot to say that I've got the LAST ticket for Mirrormask on the 1st of Nov. I can hardly believe it myself. I knew it was coming with the London Film Festival and was just talking about booking tickets, but forgot. So this morning I woke up bright and early, went down to leicester square, and tried to get tickets for all the other shows I want to watch too.
'Ok, the most important is Mirrormask', I said. 'Oops, sold out.' 'What?! No. You're kidding me. Please be kidding me.' 'Wait I'll check. Oh... there's one left.'
'I'll take it!'
So now Mirrormask is all sold out, 1 and 1/2 weeks before it is due to show. Cost me £10. I'm also gonna see is Everything is Illuminated and the Brothers Grimm. Will report back on how it goes.
THIS IS TOR
I maintain that a little bit of navel-gazing now and then, the occassional bout of introspection, is healthy, even necessary, in a well-adjusted person. As a wise man once said, there's nothing wrong with being self-absorbed if you are interesting enough to justify it.
So it comes to pass that at some point in the lifetimes of every girl who is sufficiently self-aware, this question must be asked: which character am I in Sex and the City?
The other day five such individuals were making merry in a Holborn pub after a hard day's work. That entailed serious discussions on topics ranging from the most interesting place we've ever had sex in, to the nature of our desire to be like, or to live the lives of, television characters.
The answer to the first was a draw between 'under a weeping willow in a Montreal garden' and 'the backseat of a car on the Brighton sea front'. The answer to the other was slightly tricker.
Nick pointed out that for the boys, it was in fact not one question but two. Which girl would you like to be with, versus which girl you would eventually end up with. Unsurprisingly, they plumped for a night with Samantha but a lifetime with Carrie.
However, the girls as one said, 'Miranda'. Generally considered by men to be the least conventionally attractive of the group, yet the most intelligent and career-oriented, we identified with her the most.
But something struck me and I turned to nick-- girls have two levels also. Everyone wants to be Carrie but we can't say that that's who we are in case guys take one look at us and go, 'huh'. We all want to be pretty and fun, carefree and creative, effortlessly stylish and intelligent and strong.
But the bunch of us here, we've sold out. We don't dare say we're pretty and fun. We may say we're reasonably attractive (as indeed that's what I think of myself), and good conversationalists, but pretty and fun? No. We set store by our intellect, our ambition, our independence, our mannish qualities. Our confidence does not derive from our looks. We do not practise the art of the smile and glance, play the coquette, ask for lights for our cigarettes. We are to be men's colleagues, first, and their love interests second. They must know us for what we do, then, who we are. 'Carefree and creative' are not words to describe the image of the City lawyer we will all be. We're afraid to be Carrie. We might've been, once, or could be, in the future, but that is not who we are.
So he shakes his head, "ah! the fatalism of the young!" Why trap yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy? I could hardly bear to tell him that this is all we know.
I maintain that a little bit of navel-gazing now and then, the occassional bout of introspection, is healthy, even necessary, in a well-adjusted person. As a wise man once said, there's nothing wrong with being self-absorbed if you are interesting enough to justify it.
So it comes to pass that at some point in the lifetimes of every girl who is sufficiently self-aware, this question must be asked: which character am I in Sex and the City?
The other day five such individuals were making merry in a Holborn pub after a hard day's work. That entailed serious discussions on topics ranging from the most interesting place we've ever had sex in, to the nature of our desire to be like, or to live the lives of, television characters.
The answer to the first was a draw between 'under a weeping willow in a Montreal garden' and 'the backseat of a car on the Brighton sea front'. The answer to the other was slightly tricker.
Nick pointed out that for the boys, it was in fact not one question but two. Which girl would you like to be with, versus which girl you would eventually end up with. Unsurprisingly, they plumped for a night with Samantha but a lifetime with Carrie.
However, the girls as one said, 'Miranda'. Generally considered by men to be the least conventionally attractive of the group, yet the most intelligent and career-oriented, we identified with her the most.
But something struck me and I turned to nick-- girls have two levels also. Everyone wants to be Carrie but we can't say that that's who we are in case guys take one look at us and go, 'huh'. We all want to be pretty and fun, carefree and creative, effortlessly stylish and intelligent and strong.
But the bunch of us here, we've sold out. We don't dare say we're pretty and fun. We may say we're reasonably attractive (as indeed that's what I think of myself), and good conversationalists, but pretty and fun? No. We set store by our intellect, our ambition, our independence, our mannish qualities. Our confidence does not derive from our looks. We do not practise the art of the smile and glance, play the coquette, ask for lights for our cigarettes. We are to be men's colleagues, first, and their love interests second. They must know us for what we do, then, who we are. 'Carefree and creative' are not words to describe the image of the City lawyer we will all be. We're afraid to be Carrie. We might've been, once, or could be, in the future, but that is not who we are.
So he shakes his head, "ah! the fatalism of the young!" Why trap yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy? I could hardly bear to tell him that this is all we know.
Friday, October 21, 2005
THIS IS TOR
Many thanks for all the birthday greetings!
Oh! I cringe when I read my BolBol poem. It really is quite personal, isn't it? I'm not sure if it is appropriate to exhibit my dysfunction so openly. Anyway, I feel okay now after having had a very good birthday. I think breaking up with him may have been the best thing I've done all year (well, actually, no, the best was going to new york for free) because, cliched as it is, it has made me realise who my friends are etc etc. You see, my problem is that I am a serial monogamist and I've never really had to depend on my friends just cos the next guy has always been waiting to catch me. Now, there is no next guy!
Or to put it differently, there are a variety of possible next guys to choose from. *rubbing hands in evil anticipation*
I was very pleased to receive calls from some friends in SG in the morning so I feel loved now. And I had a really lovely time at drinks, and dinner and the club later with my hot friend Leila who always gets guys to buy her drinks (and me by proxy, haha! suckers!) I looked around the dinner table and thought, damn! my friends are cool. And then proceeded to slide gently and slowly into inebriation. Am pleased about prezzies too. (Ok, now starting to sound a little like a 12 year old, but I'm still hungover, bear with me) For the first time in my life, I got 2 dozen roses! And nice books and CDs, and Flor gave me a pot of purple flowers for mky windowsill too.
So that was tuesday. On wednesday I went out with my class as it was another girl's birthday on monday, and mine was tuesday so we decided to combine it and make a night out of it. The class bought us a cake and when it came out, the waiters threw pizza dough all over us. It must be some kind of strange italian tradition, but by then I really was more interested in the flaming shots of sambuca everyone was suddenly thrusting at me. I looked around the dinner table and thought, damn! I like my classmates. They are cool. Good conversation, good wine, good food (for london, and for the price)... what more could you ask for for a good night out?
Actually, it looks like it might happen all over again, as I'm meeting the LSE Jessup crowd tonight, I'm helping out with selection and Jim's gone and told everyone that it's my birthday so they're gearing up for a big night out. I don't know how much more of this I can take, I haven't done any work whatsoever this week and am trying to cram in an hour's work for tomorrow's assignment which I have to hand in.
Many thanks for all the birthday greetings!
Oh! I cringe when I read my BolBol poem. It really is quite personal, isn't it? I'm not sure if it is appropriate to exhibit my dysfunction so openly. Anyway, I feel okay now after having had a very good birthday. I think breaking up with him may have been the best thing I've done all year (well, actually, no, the best was going to new york for free) because, cliched as it is, it has made me realise who my friends are etc etc. You see, my problem is that I am a serial monogamist and I've never really had to depend on my friends just cos the next guy has always been waiting to catch me. Now, there is no next guy!
Or to put it differently, there are a variety of possible next guys to choose from. *rubbing hands in evil anticipation*
I was very pleased to receive calls from some friends in SG in the morning so I feel loved now. And I had a really lovely time at drinks, and dinner and the club later with my hot friend Leila who always gets guys to buy her drinks (and me by proxy, haha! suckers!) I looked around the dinner table and thought, damn! my friends are cool. And then proceeded to slide gently and slowly into inebriation. Am pleased about prezzies too. (Ok, now starting to sound a little like a 12 year old, but I'm still hungover, bear with me) For the first time in my life, I got 2 dozen roses! And nice books and CDs, and Flor gave me a pot of purple flowers for mky windowsill too.
So that was tuesday. On wednesday I went out with my class as it was another girl's birthday on monday, and mine was tuesday so we decided to combine it and make a night out of it. The class bought us a cake and when it came out, the waiters threw pizza dough all over us. It must be some kind of strange italian tradition, but by then I really was more interested in the flaming shots of sambuca everyone was suddenly thrusting at me. I looked around the dinner table and thought, damn! I like my classmates. They are cool. Good conversation, good wine, good food (for london, and for the price)... what more could you ask for for a good night out?
Actually, it looks like it might happen all over again, as I'm meeting the LSE Jessup crowd tonight, I'm helping out with selection and Jim's gone and told everyone that it's my birthday so they're gearing up for a big night out. I don't know how much more of this I can take, I haven't done any work whatsoever this week and am trying to cram in an hour's work for tomorrow's assignment which I have to hand in.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
*looks at tagboard* Many thanks, Grace.
Happy Birthday, my dear sister! Hope you got the mail we sent. It's in 2 parts, remember ok? Oh, so you don't have a boyfriend that goes 'super cool hawker food ' anymore. Play the field man. And you'll have to cook for me, when I'm there!
To cheer you up, there is always Bolbol! Plus the poem you wrote for it is still lying around the house...
Ode To Bolbol
Happiness is a warm bolster smelling like youself
With Bolbol to squeeze sleep is joy itself
The nice mushy inside all squishy and snug
The softness of Bolbol yielding to a hug
Anytime anywhere a bolster is good
'cos smelling Bolbol is happy food
I doesn't matter what's inside it
Even though it's dustmite corpses and shit
'cos they're vacummed out by the $3000 machine
And think of how clean Bolbol's been
Since the bol case was changed last year
So there's really nothing to fear.
From the thing that brings happiness to me
The nicest bolster all the world can see.
Happy Birthday, my dear sister! Hope you got the mail we sent. It's in 2 parts, remember ok? Oh, so you don't have a boyfriend that goes 'super cool hawker food ' anymore. Play the field man. And you'll have to cook for me, when I'm there!
To cheer you up, there is always Bolbol! Plus the poem you wrote for it is still lying around the house...
Ode To Bolbol
Happiness is a warm bolster smelling like youself
With Bolbol to squeeze sleep is joy itself
The nice mushy inside all squishy and snug
The softness of Bolbol yielding to a hug
Anytime anywhere a bolster is good
'cos smelling Bolbol is happy food
I doesn't matter what's inside it
Even though it's dustmite corpses and shit
'cos they're vacummed out by the $3000 machine
And think of how clean Bolbol's been
Since the bol case was changed last year
So there's really nothing to fear.
From the thing that brings happiness to me
The nicest bolster all the world can see.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
THIS IS TOR
I am newly single. For the first time in years. Weeerrgh! Although it is a bit lonely and sad in my house now, with no one to cook for, I think it was the right decision for the Long Run. Seeing people my age getting married (1 girl in my class came straight from her honeymoon for start of term and the guy who sits opposite me is getting hitched in March in a castle in Austria. woah.) has totally scared the shit out of me. James is 30. Do I want to marry him? No. Has he asked me? No, but it's only a matter of time and we'd been together 2 years already.
So it was time to take stock of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. He wanted to go home. I have to stay here. He basically wanted to settle down. And I've spent a loooong time in stable relationships. And I was getting very tired of having to be with somebody who isn't really there, who hates the place he's in, who spouts vitriol about the people he is surrounded by. In new age terms, it was just too much negative energy. So that's that. Until something interesting happens in my love life-- well, actually, until I'm ready for something interesting to happen-- it's gonna be solitary evenings, strictly me-time, cooking for my friends or crazy partying.
I am newly single. For the first time in years. Weeerrgh! Although it is a bit lonely and sad in my house now, with no one to cook for, I think it was the right decision for the Long Run. Seeing people my age getting married (1 girl in my class came straight from her honeymoon for start of term and the guy who sits opposite me is getting hitched in March in a castle in Austria. woah.) has totally scared the shit out of me. James is 30. Do I want to marry him? No. Has he asked me? No, but it's only a matter of time and we'd been together 2 years already.
So it was time to take stock of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. He wanted to go home. I have to stay here. He basically wanted to settle down. And I've spent a loooong time in stable relationships. And I was getting very tired of having to be with somebody who isn't really there, who hates the place he's in, who spouts vitriol about the people he is surrounded by. In new age terms, it was just too much negative energy. So that's that. Until something interesting happens in my love life-- well, actually, until I'm ready for something interesting to happen-- it's gonna be solitary evenings, strictly me-time, cooking for my friends or crazy partying.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Oh my lord, I just woke up. That must have been some kind of sleep of the dead one gets after the exams, or something. Didn't bother going for the post exam activities the school thoughtfully organised for us, simply because I think I would have dropped dead from bordem or exhaustion or maybe both. I don't like sports that make you run around alot, no.
Do feel bad for not turning up to get my fencing jacket off Cephas, my fencing captain. Heh, always have this urge to call him buchou, really. Have this vague impression that he called this morning to ask where I was. I hope I apologised. Don't you hate asnwering the phone in your sleep and having conversations you aren't quite aware of?
Fencing. I know I just said that I don't like sports, but I figured it would be a cool thing to join. A bit of a change from performance arts. I've just realised that I'm afraid to commit. That's why I'm so slack about it, something that was almost unheard of with choir and band.
I'm tired of putting in so much blood and sweat but not getting much in return. I mean look, the greatest achievement I had in band was singing for the last concert. And in choir I never really ment much to them. Doesn't mean I didn't have any fun singing or playing though. It simply stopped being about the music somewhere along the way, and started being a duty, more than anythig else. I wanted to progress, but that wasn't happening much. I sound like a snob, but I'm simply stating my feelings. Thinking about how static the choir was just serves to make me annoyed. For both, we'd get scoldings all the bloody time.
But here in fencing... you fence only for yourself. It's not a group thing anymore, where you work together to sound good. It doesn't matter when you've got a different style or anything like that. I keep on forgetting that this is a sport, anything that matters to you, only matters to you. I used to get pissed off when someone couldn't hit that god easy note, but that doesn't happen here.
Besides, the people in fencing actually love doing it, they're not here because of friends or anything. It's not a duty to them. So much so that I was the only person left at the booth during Open House, everyone else was all over the place having bouts. I guess I'm the only person who wants to tell others how fun fencing really is. I do give a damn about it, you know.
Time to get back on the horse.
Do feel bad for not turning up to get my fencing jacket off Cephas, my fencing captain. Heh, always have this urge to call him buchou, really. Have this vague impression that he called this morning to ask where I was. I hope I apologised. Don't you hate asnwering the phone in your sleep and having conversations you aren't quite aware of?
Fencing. I know I just said that I don't like sports, but I figured it would be a cool thing to join. A bit of a change from performance arts. I've just realised that I'm afraid to commit. That's why I'm so slack about it, something that was almost unheard of with choir and band.
I'm tired of putting in so much blood and sweat but not getting much in return. I mean look, the greatest achievement I had in band was singing for the last concert. And in choir I never really ment much to them. Doesn't mean I didn't have any fun singing or playing though. It simply stopped being about the music somewhere along the way, and started being a duty, more than anythig else. I wanted to progress, but that wasn't happening much. I sound like a snob, but I'm simply stating my feelings. Thinking about how static the choir was just serves to make me annoyed. For both, we'd get scoldings all the bloody time.
But here in fencing... you fence only for yourself. It's not a group thing anymore, where you work together to sound good. It doesn't matter when you've got a different style or anything like that. I keep on forgetting that this is a sport, anything that matters to you, only matters to you. I used to get pissed off when someone couldn't hit that god easy note, but that doesn't happen here.
Besides, the people in fencing actually love doing it, they're not here because of friends or anything. It's not a duty to them. So much so that I was the only person left at the booth during Open House, everyone else was all over the place having bouts. I guess I'm the only person who wants to tell others how fun fencing really is. I do give a damn about it, you know.
Time to get back on the horse.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
In middle of exam marathon. Not including National Education, we've got 4 papers to go, ending next Wednesday. Alright, a week more then.
Don't even know why they make us take the stupid NE exam anyway, at least put it in a decent timeslot and not in the middle of the afternoon lunch-ish sort of time larh. I know people have exams in the morning before that but it just serves to make them irritated, no? NE preventing them from going off, and all that. On the bright side, at least people like me who don't have exams that morning can sleep in. But really, it doesn't even matter when we fail the thing.
I can't help but think that it would be better for us to have nice breaks between our papers, so that we've got more time to study, instead of freaking out by the fact that we've got papers one after another. Ach, I suppose it's better than those in poly, I hear they have projects due all the freaking time, even if they don't have exams. I'd rather do exams really, especially when I know what I'm talking about.
I've just come to a conclusion; I learn most during lectures, like when we're under pressure to have to understand why exactly a monopoly makes so much money. I need to invest in a tape recorder, as Khayce suggested. That's why I couldn't do the Long Day's Journey essay properly today, I'd missed a couple of important lectures. I am quite hating myself for that, so I've got to be more selective about ponning school now.
And, I've only just noticed, after doing more than 10 years worth of exams, that I silently read what I write. With a start I'd realised that my lips were moving while I was talking about Huxley's use of irony. Bloody hell, I'm even doing it now. Wonder why I'd never noticed before.
Like that larh. Need to go do geog now.
Don't even know why they make us take the stupid NE exam anyway, at least put it in a decent timeslot and not in the middle of the afternoon lunch-ish sort of time larh. I know people have exams in the morning before that but it just serves to make them irritated, no? NE preventing them from going off, and all that. On the bright side, at least people like me who don't have exams that morning can sleep in. But really, it doesn't even matter when we fail the thing.
I can't help but think that it would be better for us to have nice breaks between our papers, so that we've got more time to study, instead of freaking out by the fact that we've got papers one after another. Ach, I suppose it's better than those in poly, I hear they have projects due all the freaking time, even if they don't have exams. I'd rather do exams really, especially when I know what I'm talking about.
I've just come to a conclusion; I learn most during lectures, like when we're under pressure to have to understand why exactly a monopoly makes so much money. I need to invest in a tape recorder, as Khayce suggested. That's why I couldn't do the Long Day's Journey essay properly today, I'd missed a couple of important lectures. I am quite hating myself for that, so I've got to be more selective about ponning school now.
And, I've only just noticed, after doing more than 10 years worth of exams, that I silently read what I write. With a start I'd realised that my lips were moving while I was talking about Huxley's use of irony. Bloody hell, I'm even doing it now. Wonder why I'd never noticed before.
Like that larh. Need to go do geog now.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
I am that child who loved wandering outside in the estate, parents mad with worry. I am that child who hated the gate when it was locked, or when the stairs were barred, with my sister on the other side making fun of me (yes, I still remember that).
I am the sister who will never be as good as you are. I am that sister whom you have shaped in so many ways, more than you know, who misses you very much too.
I am the reason you continue to work, not letting you retire early. I am that daughter who sees you coming back late everyday, and listens to your conversations about work over dinner.
I am the granddaughter who never appreciated you until you were gone.
I am that student who has spent 10 good years in a convent, the blue pinafoe marking me for life, even if I don't wear it anymore.
I am the band member who would sing with you during sectionals, instead of play the saxophone. I am the same who left the school having that as an achievement.
I am the choir member who quit because she couldn't stand the weekly scoldings, who realised that she could be doing other more productive things with her saturday afternoons and holidays.
I am that singer who let her voice go down the drain.
I am that friend who constantly worries about you. I am that friend who will constantly pimp books/musicals/anime/gaming to you. I am that friend who will give you shelter if you ever run away from home. I am that friend who will listen, if you need it.
I am your ina roel.
I am that classmate who needs to re-roll her charisma.
I am the girl who will always have a crush on you, that girl who woke up crying when you went away.
I am that teenager who will always bear that grudge against you.
I am a young woman who doesn't know what to do with the rest of her life. I am that girl who wants to grow up to be an adventurer.
I am wondering what next life will throw at me.
I am the sister who will never be as good as you are. I am that sister whom you have shaped in so many ways, more than you know, who misses you very much too.
I am the reason you continue to work, not letting you retire early. I am that daughter who sees you coming back late everyday, and listens to your conversations about work over dinner.
I am the granddaughter who never appreciated you until you were gone.
I am that student who has spent 10 good years in a convent, the blue pinafoe marking me for life, even if I don't wear it anymore.
I am the band member who would sing with you during sectionals, instead of play the saxophone. I am the same who left the school having that as an achievement.
I am the choir member who quit because she couldn't stand the weekly scoldings, who realised that she could be doing other more productive things with her saturday afternoons and holidays.
I am that singer who let her voice go down the drain.
I am that friend who constantly worries about you. I am that friend who will constantly pimp books/musicals/anime/gaming to you. I am that friend who will give you shelter if you ever run away from home. I am that friend who will listen, if you need it.
I am your ina roel.
I am that classmate who needs to re-roll her charisma.
I am the girl who will always have a crush on you, that girl who woke up crying when you went away.
I am that teenager who will always bear that grudge against you.
I am a young woman who doesn't know what to do with the rest of her life. I am that girl who wants to grow up to be an adventurer.
I am wondering what next life will throw at me.
Friday, September 16, 2005
OK TOR AGAIN
Yay! Am freeriding on someone else's wireless at home so I have internet! I now have a nice new laptop and have installed msn! I have just re-connected into the world of the virtually living. I shall be adding everyone slowly to my new msn. The old one diededed on me years ago. Since my computer won't let me post my homework on my school's web discussion board thingie for some reason, I might as well do this quiz, using my new-found internet source. And since it caters so appealingly to the self-absorbed (i.e. me, although less so now than when khayce first brought this fact about myself to my attention-- see, am doing it again).
Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn.
1. The nicest thing in my house is my bolster, named BolBol.
2. The nicest thing about my house is that it is in Covent Garden.
3. I once wrote a poem dedicated to BolBol.
4. My sister's bolster used to be called Ster Ster. Wait, that isn't about me. I used to make my sister say that my bolster is nice. That's better.
5. More than one person has said that I look like Daniel Chan.
6. I am self-absorbed enough to think that people will find a list like this interesting.
7. I like the colour tan more than the colour red now.
8. I go to a Japanese hair stylist and have funky Jap hair that looks like a mushroom.
9. I actually enjoy reading The Economist.
10. Reading The Economist makes me feel smart.
11. I am now so fat now that my aunt could not spot me in my graduation photo with my friends.
12. I now cycle every day for half an hour while reading The Economist so that I can feel fit AND smart.
13. I now do not eat any carbohydrates after 5pm.
14. I have just discovered Paul Theroux and am spending way too much money on his books, particularly his travel writing.
15. I once got picked up at the County Hall gallery by this guy who saw me clutching a Theroux novel. He worked for the Foreign Office and spoke chinese. Obviously I had to decline his invitation to dinner since I am attached. (Damn! there went a free dinner)
16. My boyfriend has logged over 400 dives (scuba). I have done about 20.
17. I still hang out with my dive instructor who is from Malta but works in London now. (As an accountant, not a dive instructor)
18. I don't drink beer anymore, unless it is Ninkeberry, which is mango-and-passionfruit flavoured beer.
19. I miss watching Glor's anime.
20. I miss Glor.
Can everyone Glor tagged link back here so we can all see what they wrote?
Yay! Am freeriding on someone else's wireless at home so I have internet! I now have a nice new laptop and have installed msn! I have just re-connected into the world of the virtually living. I shall be adding everyone slowly to my new msn. The old one diededed on me years ago. Since my computer won't let me post my homework on my school's web discussion board thingie for some reason, I might as well do this quiz, using my new-found internet source. And since it caters so appealingly to the self-absorbed (i.e. me, although less so now than when khayce first brought this fact about myself to my attention-- see, am doing it again).
Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn.
1. The nicest thing in my house is my bolster, named BolBol.
2. The nicest thing about my house is that it is in Covent Garden.
3. I once wrote a poem dedicated to BolBol.
4. My sister's bolster used to be called Ster Ster. Wait, that isn't about me. I used to make my sister say that my bolster is nice. That's better.
5. More than one person has said that I look like Daniel Chan.
6. I am self-absorbed enough to think that people will find a list like this interesting.
7. I like the colour tan more than the colour red now.
8. I go to a Japanese hair stylist and have funky Jap hair that looks like a mushroom.
9. I actually enjoy reading The Economist.
10. Reading The Economist makes me feel smart.
11. I am now so fat now that my aunt could not spot me in my graduation photo with my friends.
12. I now cycle every day for half an hour while reading The Economist so that I can feel fit AND smart.
13. I now do not eat any carbohydrates after 5pm.
14. I have just discovered Paul Theroux and am spending way too much money on his books, particularly his travel writing.
15. I once got picked up at the County Hall gallery by this guy who saw me clutching a Theroux novel. He worked for the Foreign Office and spoke chinese. Obviously I had to decline his invitation to dinner since I am attached. (Damn! there went a free dinner)
16. My boyfriend has logged over 400 dives (scuba). I have done about 20.
17. I still hang out with my dive instructor who is from Malta but works in London now. (As an accountant, not a dive instructor)
18. I don't drink beer anymore, unless it is Ninkeberry, which is mango-and-passionfruit flavoured beer.
19. I miss watching Glor's anime.
20. I miss Glor.
Can everyone Glor tagged link back here so we can all see what they wrote?
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Don't know why, but I got tagged for this twice, so I guess it mean that I'd better do it...
Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn.
1. I think I may be beginning to like red more than black.
2. But I still like black anyway.
3. I actually -do- like my classmates. Really.
4. I still think my older sister is 19, so I've got to add the years up when people ask me how old she is.
5. I like liquorice, and it's damned difficult to find good liquorice here.
6. Stupid people make me laugh. That would include the blur tourists one often sees in town.
7. I am beggining to be quite enthusiastic about wuxia films.
8. My father likes long distance running.
9. He also happens to have a degree in both philosophy and literature.
10. So does my mum. But she graduated at a chinese university so she knows all about confucious.
11. But I really -don't- know why I speak the way I do, or where it came from.
12. I can play the saxophone. And I rather miss it.
13. I'd like to think that I can/could sing.
14. I'm frustrated by the fact that no one seems to have heard of the korean manwha, Priest.
15. My left ring finger is longer than my right. Seriously!
16. The surface of my nails are ridged, so on the occasion of a manicure, the lady has to file them down.
17. I like pretty dice. Especially the runic d10 and the blue blood scarab set on dicepool.com
18. My favourite character so far isn't my Ars Magica magus, but the V:tM Daughter of Cacophony.
19. I think that anime and manga are underrated, by the general public. And I like to argue with them on that. Even if you really -do- have some nonsense stuff out there.
20. I'm so fair that sometimes under the sun, I burn when walking from place to place.
9 minutes. Tagg~!
Jerrick
Victoria
Rosie
Khayce
Ed
Jenny
Amanda
Tsu
Dawn
Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged it's your turn.
1. I think I may be beginning to like red more than black.
2. But I still like black anyway.
3. I actually -do- like my classmates. Really.
4. I still think my older sister is 19, so I've got to add the years up when people ask me how old she is.
5. I like liquorice, and it's damned difficult to find good liquorice here.
6. Stupid people make me laugh. That would include the blur tourists one often sees in town.
7. I am beggining to be quite enthusiastic about wuxia films.
8. My father likes long distance running.
9. He also happens to have a degree in both philosophy and literature.
10. So does my mum. But she graduated at a chinese university so she knows all about confucious.
11. But I really -don't- know why I speak the way I do, or where it came from.
12. I can play the saxophone. And I rather miss it.
13. I'd like to think that I can/could sing.
14. I'm frustrated by the fact that no one seems to have heard of the korean manwha, Priest.
15. My left ring finger is longer than my right. Seriously!
16. The surface of my nails are ridged, so on the occasion of a manicure, the lady has to file them down.
17. I like pretty dice. Especially the runic d10 and the blue blood scarab set on dicepool.com
18. My favourite character so far isn't my Ars Magica magus, but the V:tM Daughter of Cacophony.
19. I think that anime and manga are underrated, by the general public. And I like to argue with them on that. Even if you really -do- have some nonsense stuff out there.
20. I'm so fair that sometimes under the sun, I burn when walking from place to place.
9 minutes. Tagg~!
Jerrick
Victoria
Rosie
Khayce
Ed
Jenny
Amanda
Tsu
Dawn
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
THIS IS TOR
I know how you feel about people like The Girl Who Giggled. Thankfully, I am no longer surrounded by such numbskulls, and/or can move away slowly and carefully if I ever find myself their midst. Although I did meet a very interesting girl at a business course we had to go for in Manchester. Didn't get to see the city at all (except a little bit of the Uni campus) but I had a luxurious room all to myself with a TV and ironing board! *gasp* It's funny how your standards get lowered, staying in UK hotels.
So, this girl.
'Howdy!' she said as I entered the room for our little groupwork session thingie. This greeting seemed strange as she was obviously very posh. It could have been her confused effort to connect with the common people such as myself. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she had got her countries mixed up. What else could I say but 'er, hello?'.
'Is it just you?' she replied.
I didn't know, there were meant to be 6 of us but apparently many people had had a rather heavy night the night before and hadn't actually got up that afternoon.
After a pause she said, 'So, what's your background then?'. I forgot to mention that this girl looks like the queen (perhaps a younger version) and was wearing tweed. I didn't know if I was meant to say that I was from the Bishan branch of the Ho family involved in middle class pursuits (I'm afraid), or just that I was from SG.
'No,no!' she said, 'I meant, which university are you from?'
So I detailed my educational pedigree.
'Are you at Oxford next year then?' she was referring to the LPC year that everyone has to do in order to sit their bar exam. We can do this in Nottingham, Oxford, or London.
'No, I'll be in London,' I told her.
'Jolly good.'
Absolute and awkward silence.
Luckily people started coming in and having conversations about houses in the country, and the people who knew the other people in the room, so I could relax. But the majority of my future colleagues are nice or at least ok, from what I've experienced. There are one or two that are just not on the same planet though, for example, one girl is on planet Paris Hilton.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my future colleagues, they just exasperate me very easily.
I know how you feel about people like The Girl Who Giggled. Thankfully, I am no longer surrounded by such numbskulls, and/or can move away slowly and carefully if I ever find myself their midst. Although I did meet a very interesting girl at a business course we had to go for in Manchester. Didn't get to see the city at all (except a little bit of the Uni campus) but I had a luxurious room all to myself with a TV and ironing board! *gasp* It's funny how your standards get lowered, staying in UK hotels.
So, this girl.
'Howdy!' she said as I entered the room for our little groupwork session thingie. This greeting seemed strange as she was obviously very posh. It could have been her confused effort to connect with the common people such as myself. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she had got her countries mixed up. What else could I say but 'er, hello?'.
'Is it just you?' she replied.
I didn't know, there were meant to be 6 of us but apparently many people had had a rather heavy night the night before and hadn't actually got up that afternoon.
After a pause she said, 'So, what's your background then?'. I forgot to mention that this girl looks like the queen (perhaps a younger version) and was wearing tweed. I didn't know if I was meant to say that I was from the Bishan branch of the Ho family involved in middle class pursuits (I'm afraid), or just that I was from SG.
'No,no!' she said, 'I meant, which university are you from?'
So I detailed my educational pedigree.
'Are you at Oxford next year then?' she was referring to the LPC year that everyone has to do in order to sit their bar exam. We can do this in Nottingham, Oxford, or London.
'No, I'll be in London,' I told her.
'Jolly good.'
Absolute and awkward silence.
Luckily people started coming in and having conversations about houses in the country, and the people who knew the other people in the room, so I could relax. But the majority of my future colleagues are nice or at least ok, from what I've experienced. There are one or two that are just not on the same planet though, for example, one girl is on planet Paris Hilton.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my future colleagues, they just exasperate me very easily.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Just jotting this down, while in school. Have to dash for Lit lect in a bit.
Bloody hell. If there's one thing that I don't like, it's being locked out of class first thing in the morning. Especially when the first period is a lecture and my notes are in class. I do sit rather close to the windows, but I don't have abnormally long arms to reach my stuff (however, have I ever mentioned that my left ring finger is longer than my right?).
Added to that, my class chairman acted like he didn't care, when I asked him about it after assembly. Don't think he liked me interrupting his conversation with other fencers. Well, of course he didn't care; he had his notes with him.
But what I detest most of all is when the person holding the fucking key tag giggles when she discovers her mistake.
Urgh.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my classmates. They just exasperate me very easily.
Bloody hell. If there's one thing that I don't like, it's being locked out of class first thing in the morning. Especially when the first period is a lecture and my notes are in class. I do sit rather close to the windows, but I don't have abnormally long arms to reach my stuff (however, have I ever mentioned that my left ring finger is longer than my right?).
Added to that, my class chairman acted like he didn't care, when I asked him about it after assembly. Don't think he liked me interrupting his conversation with other fencers. Well, of course he didn't care; he had his notes with him.
But what I detest most of all is when the person holding the fucking key tag giggles when she discovers her mistake.
Urgh.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my classmates. They just exasperate me very easily.