Oh my lord, I just woke up. That must have been some kind of sleep of the dead one gets after the exams, or something. Didn't bother going for the post exam activities the school thoughtfully organised for us, simply because I think I would have dropped dead from bordem or exhaustion or maybe both. I don't like sports that make you run around alot, no.

Do feel bad for not turning up to get my fencing jacket off Cephas, my fencing captain. Heh, always have this urge to call him buchou, really. Have this vague impression that he called this morning to ask where I was. I hope I apologised. Don't you hate asnwering the phone in your sleep and having conversations you aren't quite aware of?

Fencing. I know I just said that I don't like sports, but I figured it would be a cool thing to join. A bit of a change from performance arts. I've just realised that I'm afraid to commit. That's why I'm so slack about it, something that was almost unheard of with choir and band.

I'm tired of putting in so much blood and sweat but not getting much in return. I mean look, the greatest achievement I had in band was singing for the last concert. And in choir I never really ment much to them. Doesn't mean I didn't have any fun singing or playing though. It simply stopped being about the music somewhere along the way, and started being a duty, more than anythig else. I wanted to progress, but that wasn't happening much. I sound like a snob, but I'm simply stating my feelings. Thinking about how static the choir was just serves to make me annoyed. For both, we'd get scoldings all the bloody time.

But here in fencing... you fence only for yourself. It's not a group thing anymore, where you work together to sound good. It doesn't matter when you've got a different style or anything like that. I keep on forgetting that this is a sport, anything that matters to you, only matters to you. I used to get pissed off when someone couldn't hit that god easy note, but that doesn't happen here.

Besides, the people in fencing actually love doing it, they're not here because of friends or anything. It's not a duty to them. So much so that I was the only person left at the booth during Open House, everyone else was all over the place having bouts. I guess I'm the only person who wants to tell others how fun fencing really is. I do give a damn about it, you know.

Time to get back on the horse.